I'm Blogging More Often

... Even if I don't have anything super interesting to say. Sorry about that.

My band is still fairly tight, but I'm able to eat solids and trying to do the protein thing. Got on the scale this morning and it said 211 point something (can't remember what because of the shock of 211). I hopped off and back on again and I miraculously lost six pounds in 45 seconds. The scale was consistent in the 205 range as I jumped on and off a few times. But then I was paranoid so I went to our backup scale which agreed with the 205 reading. Whew.

I had lunch the other day with a friend whose mother-in-law had lapband surgery a few years ago. "Do you throw up at every meal?" she asked. WHAAA? NO. WAY. I told her I get sick maybe once every three or four weeks, and it's almost always a traumatic and miserable experience. She said her mother-in-law had lost a lot of weight but gets sick at every meal. Even if she just gets sick every day rather than every meal, can you imagine the toll that takes on your body over a period of years? Egad. My esophagus is sore just thinking about it.

Do any of you get sick every day? I do think I keep my band on the looser side because I'm such a wuss about the getting sick part, and I'm sure that has slowed down my weight loss (well, that plus the lack of exercise. and the chocolate.). But I cannot imagine getting sick every day. I feel awful for her.

Getting Ready for New Year's Parties

I jinxed myself with my last post, because my hunger really spiked yesterday. There was some major grazing happening.

This morning I woke up and it was like I'd had a fill - biiiiig difference in how much I can eat, really uncomfortable if I'm not following the Rules o' the Band. That's a good thing.

Things are busy here, we have two couples and their assorted six kids coming for New Year's Eve, and one of the families is staying overnight with us. Then we're having an open house on New Year's day for friends. I don't actually know how many to expect, because people are so bad about responding to invitations. How hard is it to click yes or no on an evite? Grr. I'm making wild guesses about how much food we'll need. I'm not really cooking for Saturday, just ordering sandwiches and bagels, but I'll be making lists and checking things off to make sure we have everything we need.

I'm grateful that we've had such a nice time this year with the holidays. My parents came and stayed with us, my mom and I cooked together, my dad horsed around with the kids, Hubs and my dad watched football together, we iChatted with my siblings and their kids. It was the perfect combination of busy and relaxing.

It's Christmas, So Of Course I Should Be Losing Weight

Well, color me confused. I feel like I've been eating like a fiend, but the scale is moving down every day. So much so that I replaced the batteries in my scale this morning. Still showed a loss. I guess that means my band is doing its job.

I'm now lower than I've been in a few months, just a few precious pounds away from leaving the 200s behind. YAYYYY for that.

We're snowed in here, almost two feet I think, so we hunkered down and we're enjoying the new Christmas toys (thank goodness for those).

I Blame Christmakkuh

It's December 20 and I've already eaten my weight in Christmas/Hanukkah cookies. I froze the leftover Hanukkah ones for Christmas, and I've been raiding the freezer. Forget the religious issues, celebrating both holidays is wreaking havoc on my waistline.

I have four big meals coming up, and I'm responsible for all of them: Christmas Eve, Christmas dinner, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day open house. There will be a lot of ordering.

I have a raging chest cold, and that does seem to be helping with the appetite suppressant side of things - I haven't gone near the freezer today. So that's good.

I went to a minute clinic about the coughing this afternoon, and the nurse practitioner used a regular blood pressure cuff on me. Because my arms, while not small, are regular-sized now. That was a nice NSV.

Back to holiday news: I haven't wrapped a single gift, I just ordered our Christmas cards the other day and I need to put together the grocery shopping list for the big dinners. Nothing like a looming deadline to get a procrastinator to focus.

Water, Water, Water

I've never been a rock-star water drinker like a lot of you, but I've fallen wayyy off lately. As in, I drink tea in the mornings and a large diet Coke through the day (which I often don't finish) and a glass of wine at dinner. And that's it for fluids. Not good.

The last couple of days I've filled up my awesome Camelbak water bottle and started drinking. This is slightly complicated by my 18-month-old, who goes batshit and shrieks at unbelievable decibal levels because she wants to drink from my bottle. (I don't want her to right now because I have a cold.) So I'm hiding in the pantry drinking as fast as I can, slipping the bottle into my purse to drink in the car, etc.

The Perfect Band Food

Actually, the perfect food, period.

I'm talking about bay scallops, those sweet, tiny little gems that are in season from November to March. Four ounces of bay scallops have 70 calories, half a gram of fat and 23 grams of protein. By comparison, three ounces of beef tenderloin adds up to 179 calories, 8.8 g fat and 23.6 grams of protein.

I just finished some delicious Nantucket Bay scallops for dinner. Yummmm.

However. The effects of latkes and assorted desserts from the Hubs's family's Hanukkah party has registered on my scale. Blech.

The race continues toward Christmas and New Year's...

I Am Officially Powerless

... Over Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Cannot have them in the house.

Still a Learning Process

I got cocky. I've been able to eat a lot of things, in very limited quantities, and I pushed things too far last night with some pork tenderloin. Oh, how I paid for that. It was the first time in a long time I spent an evening sitting next to the toilet, flipping through catalogs.

What a bummer, because pork tenderloin is lean and packed with protein. (Also, I spent all day preparing it, along with roasted potatoes, fennel, carrots and parsnips.)

On the positive side, we had my in-laws over for dinner, but I didn't get sick until after they had left and we'd put the kids to bed. Thank goodness for small blessings.

The scale isn't exactly rocketing down, even though I'm focusing on solid protein and I've noticed a real reduction in the amount I can eat. I'm still 4-5 pounds away from being under 200, which I've been for about three months now. Sigh.

Patience, Padawan.

Hunger? What's That?

Life is busy and I'm in the thick of the holiday whirlwind, but my band totally has my back right now. I am rarely hungry, and I've been eating mostly when my stomach starts to growl or I feel light-headed.

You might think I've lost a lot of weight, but let's not lose our heads here. I'm on the s-l-o-w boat to China plan.

But 204.4 this morning isn't bad. As long as it keeps going in the right direction.

In the meantime, I'm waiting until the last possible moment to bake Christmas cookies, and trying to dodge the cakes/pies/candies that try to sneak into my house this time of year.

S C O R E ! ! ! (Sort of.)

The good news is, I made it through Thanksgiving with a weight loss, according to my doctor's chart. (I've now lost 6.5 pounds since Saturday night's weigh-in, which obviously was almost all fluid.)

The bad news is, these pounds have been lost before, so no new territory yet. But I do feel like I'm getting on a roll, and that's a good feeling.

I saw a how-to-lose-weight thing on a friend's Facebook page. It's written by a guy blogger, so there's some bad words and whatnot, but I think it has some good reminders for us banded folk. Take a look.

Performance Anxiety

I have a regular checking-in appointment tomorrow with my surgeon. The three pounds I gained over Thanksgiving are gone (and thanks for your comforting words during my freak-out).

But I'm at the same weight I was at the last appointment. Ugh, what was I thinking, making a weigh-in appointment less than a week after Thanksgiving? What was I thinking???

I won't be asking for a fill or an unfill at this appointment. I think I'm at a good place with restriction, and my food intake isn't bad if we're not talking about the day before, day of and day after Thanksgiving. So I'm going to stay the course.

I also think I probably won't be running the NYC Half marathon. The Team in Training director told me the event is oversold and there's a strict three-hour time limit on the course, which means once they hit three hours everyone has to get off the course (quit) no matter how close to the finish line you are. That's a 13-14 minute mile, which is incredibly slow but I'm pretty sure I'm not even that fast. So I'm looking at the San Diego Rock 'n' Roll in June, but only doing the half. I don't have a full marathon in me right now.

Hoooo Boy

I'm up 3+ pounds. Yeowch!

The Dish on Per Se

You know how you're going along living your life, doing your thing, and then something triggers a realization and all of a sudden you think, "My God. I am a grownup." (Or is that just me?)

I had one of those moments last week at dinner at Per Se. I was dressed up, sitting in front of a wall of windows overlooking Columbus Circle, being served wine after wine, butter after butter and six different kinds of salt.

Backstory: Hubs' business partner is a foodie and all-around lover of deliciousness. The partners recently renewed their undying love for each other with an updated partnership agreement, so he took us and another partner and his wife to Per Se to celebrate.

The restaurant is on the fourth floor of the Time Warner Center, a gorgeous new(ish) building that houses ridiculously expensive apartments, a Mandarin Oriental hotel, a shopping mall and Time Warner headquarters. It's already decorated for Christmas.



The food was amazing, the chef's tasting menu included a bit of everything from oysters to beef. But the thing I loved most about the dinner was the perfect tone of the service. Every single person there was warm and welcoming and full of information if we asked but didn't go on and on and on about how the hog who discovered this particular truffle comes from a long line of award-winning swine in the whatever region of Italy where truffles are found. Our waiter was sweet and accommodating, and my water glass was never empty.

Per Se's chef, Thomas Keller, made his name when he opened the French Laundry restaurant in California wine country.

My favorite touch in the decor was something I'm kicking myself for not taking a photo of: the frosted glass shades on the light fixtures all have three symbols etched in them, one on top of the other. When I asked about them, the waiter explained they are the international symbols for laundry, a clever reference to the chef's California restaurant.

I can't remember half of what I ate, but band-wise it went beautifully. I had a bite or two of each course (each serving was the perfect size meal for bandsters; unfortunately, there were nine of them).

Here's the fish:

There really were six kinds of salt served at one point, and the waiter told us about each one but by that time I'd had a few glasses of wine and all I remember is that one of them was from Pakistan. I got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back they were gone and another course was on the table. So I totally missed out on the Pakistani salt.

It was a great night, with fun company and good conversation and awesome wine and fantastic food that I wouldn't even begin to know how to cook. They even sent us home with cookies.

I felt good about being there. A year ago, I would have dodged the invitation or gone and felt so self-conscious that I couldn't really enjoy it. I'm not thin by any stretch, but I felt good and comfortable and able to relax and enjoy myself. For that, I'm incredibly thankful.

I'm also grateful for all your support and kindness and friendship. You guys rock. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!
(My husband cannot have his picture taken without making a crazy face. In that regard, he's still four years old.)

Per Se or Bust

I think my band reads my blog.

Ever since my Frustrated post, things have been pretty good. No more PB's, no more trouble eating my morning Zone bar (s l o w l y). In fact, yesterday I had no interest in food at all. Believe me, that's worthy of a mention.

The scale is moving in my favor; this morning I had my lowest weight since October 15, which was a boost to my spirits. Thanks so much for all your comments on my last post, I appreciate your thoughts. I'll keep monitoring things between now and my next appointment in two weeks. Then I'll see if I need an unfill or if I should keep trucking with what I have.

Tonight we're going to an uber-fancy dinner in New York with the Hubs' business partners. One of the partners is a total foodie, and I would follow that man to the ends of the earth, at least as far as food and wine are concerned. I've never not loved somewhere he's picked, so I'm excited for tonight. Particularly since it seems like I should be able to eat dinner without too much trouble.

I'm planning to wear the purple aubergine dress from Chicago, but my arms are still in a bad way so I'm heading out now to see if I can find a wrap or something to hide them. Wish me luck.

Frustrated.

My band and I aren't getting along. I can't figure out if it's too tight or not tight enough or if I'm just expecting too much, but I'm frustrated.

At my last doctor visit, I told my surgeon I was frustrated. My weight loss has been stalled for at least a couple of months now, and I'm tired of trying to figure out how much fill gets me into the 'green zone.' The variance in how much restriction a particular fill level gives me on one day vs. another just serves to complicate matters further. Dr. M said, "You're right on schedule, for both the stall and the frustration." Which made me feel better; it was good to hear that a lot of his patients hit a rough patch at this point and I'm not alone in this.

I know some of you can't eat solids until the afternoon, but I've always found that difficult to get used to. I need something solid in the morning, and for most of the 10 months since my surgery that's been a Zone bar. It's fast, easy, tastes good, and has lots of protein. I start my day with a cup of hot tea, and then have my bar an hour or so later. I'm having trouble with my mid-morning Zone bar, and that bothers me.

I made chicken salad with Greek yogurt and grapes yesterday, and even though I put it through the food processor and added lots of yogurt so it would be really moist, I can only have a couple of bites. Problem: I'm still hungry. It's not a mental, I still want to eat thing. I'm actually still hungry.

I've been having lots of black bean soup, which is high in protein and fiber (and giving me all kinds of gas, isn't that lovely). Last night I had a little chicken salad, a steamed artichoke (more fiber! and gas!) and a few breadsticks (the Italian style kind, really long and thin and crunchy).

This morning I had my tea and a Starbucks orange mango smoothie (260 cal., 2g fat, 15g protein, 5g fiber). I was able to drink it, but s-l-o-w-l-y.

I haven't had a meaningful weight loss since early September, and that was really because I was dehydrated and then I got an unfill and gained a few pounds back. I weighed 206 this morning. I also weighed 206 on September 9th. It's been bouncing around a couple of pounds since then, which is all the more frustrating because I've been eating decently, not relying on sliders.

Grrrr.

I Ran! (But Only Because I Couldn't Binge.)

My band is a bit tighter the last couple of days, not too tight but enough to really force me to slow down when I'm eating. I can still eat the good stuff (solid protein), and I'm not heading off to snarf ice cream, so I don't think I'm too tight.

Yesterday morning I was really upset, like crying upset. My first instinct was to go to a restaurant for a solo lunch, which I often did preband but haven't done nearly as much in the last 10 months. Because it's not so much fun when you can hardly eat anything you've ordered. On the way to the restaurant, I had a mental argument with myself. I knew that what I really should do was go home, have a light lunch and then go for a walk or jog to help me feel better.

Buuuut the lunch won out. After I'd eaten about five bites of the spinach dip I ordered, I was completely full. No way anything else was going down, and in fact I was uncomfortable. I asked for a container to take the rest home.

You guys, I was so pissed. It's not healthy to indulge emotional eating, and I know that (and I do realize that's the entire point of the band), but by God it really can be soothing when you need it.

This wasn't the first post-surgery hankering for emotional eating, and I know it won't be the last. But once I got over being pissed that my usual go-to mechanism wasn't going to work, I was so relieved that I didn't have to feel guilty for overeating again, for hoovering a jillion calories in one sitting and being sick to my stomach for the rest of the day.

At home I pulled it together enough to throw away the leftovers. This morning I went for a 30-minute walk/run; it's been forever since I did that, and I really need to get started if I'm going to shoot for this half-marathon on March 20. I did day 1 of the Couch to 5K workout, and my legs were fatigued embarrassingly early. I attribute that to the hills in my neighborhood, but it's probably just because I have the fitness level of a gnat right now. You gotta start somewhere, right?

Just a Quickie

My band was crazy tight today, although thank the good Lord I figured that out before things could get out of hand. It's a hormonal thang, I knew to expect it. Had soup for lunch, an artichoke, olives and brie (for a change) at dinnertime.

I spent most of the day cooking - cream of mushroom soup and beef bourguignon (that was for another family, I'm not eating it). It's funny, on days I do a lot of cooking, I eat very little. Maybe I should look into a career in the culinary arts...

Marathon Sunday

Today is New York City's most exciting and fun day of the year: Marathon Sunday. If you've ever wanted to experience New York at its best, spend a day cheering for runners through all five boroughs of the city.

When I moved to New York in 1999, I lived half a block from the marathon course. The morning of the marathon I grabbed a bagel and walked down the street into a giant party. Bands played, the crowd lining First Avenue was five people deep, people blared music from their fire escapes and hosted marathon parties on their terraces. It was exhilarating, and I wasn't even running! I stood for a couple hours and cheered myself hoarse, yelling for the runners and clapping till my hands went numb. It was completely awesome, and I think it was the first time I ever realized why people love New York so much.

I knew how important the cheering section was to the runners because I had run my first (and, to date, only) marathon just a week before, in Washington, DC. Here I am with my mom at the finish of the Marine Corps Marathon:


I was slow (finish time: 5:45) but I was so proud of myself for actually finishing a marathon, for keeping my body moving for 26.2 miles. I was at my skinniest adult weight, 162 or 164 can you believe I can't remember exactly? And I was about to pile it all back on as I scaled back my running and kept up my eating.

I actually enjoyed running the marathon, and I tried another one a year or so later but dropped out at mile 7 because I'd done a terrible job training. (Life lesson: Prepare or die.)

I've never run New York, and I'm told it's a tough course with a lot of hills. My father-in-law has run the last seven or eight NYC marathons, and we usually go in to meet him at the finish line. For the most part, you can't meet a friend at the finish line, but he takes so long (seven and a half or eight hours) that the police usually let us take the kids to see Grandpa's big finish.

I haven't run consistently in years but lately it's been popping back into my head now and again. I looked online, and the NYC Half Marathon is March 20, 2011, which would give me more than four months to train for 13.1 miles. I'm sure I can do that.

As far as I can tell there's a lottery system for entries, but I will probably sign up with Team in Training. I've done a couple other events with them, and their coaching is good, plus it's a big support source for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

Who wants to join me?

PS It's Weigh-In Day for the first week of the Holiday Challenge. Don't forget to send your weight info!

A Little Shopping

Hellllo blogworld! I got a haircut yesterday, and since I *rarely* blow my hair dry, I'm going to post a photo from last night.Which was taken in a bathroom with really harsh lighting. Sigh. Aging is so sad.

Anyway, the hair:

This morning I did a little shopping with the munchkin. Not as much as I would have liked, but those 17-month-olds do what they want, ya know?

My winter jacket from last year is wayyyy too big. I have a nice black dress coat circa 2007 that fits well now, but I needed a warm winter jacket. So I found a really pretty pearly-white one today. A regular XL! Plus, it's cozy. Win-win. (The hair didn't hold up so well, but I enjoyed it while it lasted.)

I also tried on a 16W purple velvet blazer (prettier in person than it sounds in writing), which was too big. Then I tried the 14W. Guess what, blog friends? Also kind of loose. Exciting.

Then I pushed my luck and tried a size 14P Calvin Klein skirt. HA. That was a reminder of the work ahead.

This latest fill, just a smidge (0.1 cc's to be exact), seems to be working nicely. I do feel more restriction and I've been looking for food less frequently. Plus, the scale is slowly moving down again, which is a nice change and a sign of good things to come.

Before I had my band surgery, I was obsessed with what I wouldn't be able to eat anymore. I asked everyone and got a wide range of answers. What I didn't realize was that what you can or can't eat is entirely dependent on how much fluid you have in your band. That seems pretty obvious now, but for some reason it didn't occur to me for a while. At 5+ cc's, I can't really eat pasta. Maybe one bite, but for the most part I don't care enough to try it. Sometimes I surprise myself, though. Even where I am now, at 5.6 cc's, I had a small portion of butternut squash risotto for dinner the other night. I added extra chicken stock to my portion so it would be soupier. It was delicious, I didn't "miss out" on anything and my band did its job by keeping my portion in check.

However.

The one thing that I don't think will work at all with my band is anything doughy. I haven't tried, because the misery of sliming and throwing up isn't worth the risk for me. But I know that I will likely never eat another Philadelphia soft pretzel. Or those doughy cinnamon buns with frosting.

For the most part, I really don't miss it. Once in a while I may have a three-second pity party, but then I glance in a mirror and recover pretty quickly.

We have a couple of dinners planned in New York City this month (both with the Hubs' colleagues), and I'm not too worried about having any problems.

If my restriction stays consistent (I know, that's the tricky part) then I think I'll be able to enjoy my meals without fear of ralphing in front of a bathroom attendant. One of the dinners is at Per Se, which is supposed to be over-the-top delicious. Per Se is famous for its amazing brioche. Ain't no way that will go down, so that's a teeny bit sad. I predict I'll get over it.

But, yummm, doesn't that look like some buttery deliciousness?

Just a Smidge, Please

I had my fill appointment this afternoon, and my surgeon was great. You never know with this guy. I was so dreading going in there, and my weight was a half pound higher than a month ago. That wasn't a surprise, though.

My doctor asked lots of questions, listened to what I had to say and ended up giving me the smidge of a fill I asked him for. I went from 5.5 cc's to 5.6 cc's now. Let's see how it goes...

Holiday Challenge - I'm in!

I've essentially stayed at the same weight for a few months now. It's getting old. It's my own fault. We've been through this.

I've gotten discouraged lately, and even started slipping into my pre-surgery negative thinking. One of the greatest things about this surgery is that my mind has felt so freeee of the constant berating I was doing to myself, so I'm unsettled by this new development.

Tomorrow I see my surgeon. For some reason, he feels that fills should go in 0.25cc increments or more. Never less. I'm at 5.5 cc's and the last two times I went up to 5.75 ccs I was too tight.

The Hubs tells me I should go in and ask the doctor to give me a 0.1 cc fill to put me at 5.6 ccs. I am going to ask. Wish me luck. I'm dreading going back because I'm doing shittily on this whole thing and I tend to get a lecture every time. Sigh.

Lucky for me, Kristen has fabulously agreed to host another challenge. And I'm in!

Hostessing

A year ago this month, I took a cold, hard look at myself and realized I was going nowhere fast with weight loss. My weight had gotten completely out of control; at 266 pounds I was sore, tired, ashamed and grumpy most of the time. My joints ached, I was impatient with my children and husband, mortified to be around people and furious with myself for being unable to pull my act together.

I went to seminars at three different hospitals and made up my mind to get a Lap-Band. In the almost 10 months since my surgery, I've had highs and lows. I'm currently stalled in my weight loss.

But the benefits of the band, and of my thinner, healthier and much more comfortable body, continue to show themselves.

Since June, I've hosted three big, nonfamily parties at my house: One for the incoming families at my kids' preschool, one for our friends and one (last night) for our neighbors. The preschool and neighbor parties involved meeting and talking to A LOT of people I had never met before.

We do the friend party every year, so that's a given. But this year I wasn't mortified to see our friends, which was a nice change!

I know for sure that I never would have had the nerve to host the other events. In fact, last year we had several new families move to our street and I thought about having a block party but immediately pushed the thought out of my mind because I knew it would be too embarrassing to meet everyone when I was so fat.

This year I outweighed every woman at the party by at least 50 pounds, but I still felt good, and confident, and happy to meet new people and talk to our neighbors and make new friends.

That's an awesome NSV, isn't it?

'Good Enough' Syndrome

I see that many of us in blogland are struggling or feeling stuck on the scale, and Lord knows I'm in the same place. I'd blame it on the weather, except Cara's got the same thing going on and her seasons are the opposite of ours.

I think the real reason for my own sluggishness, laziness and overall lack of attention to what I'm eating is a result of 'good enough' syndrome. I've lost 60+ pounds, and while I'm nowhere near thin, I feel normal-ish. What I've lost is good enough to feel not so bad. Joey has something similar going on.

My feet and knees don't ache when I walk. I don't struggle to stand up. I can run up and down the stairs with laundry baskets and babies without being out of breath. I don't shop exclusively at fat-girl stores, although I'm not entirely at regular stores either.

Life is busy so it's easy to put my attention and effort elsewhere - into my children, their schools, my marriage, the house... whatever.

I know this isn't really good enough, though. I'm not at a healthy weight. I don't want to stop here. The journey continues.

PS No regular sugary Cokes since last week. WOOT.

Is This Thing On?

I don't like to point fingers, but someone isn't working her band. Someone is eating more than is strictly necessary, and not particularly healthy stuff. Someone has re-developed a Coke habit. Regular, sugary Coke.

Consequently, someone has gained a few pounds over the last week. Like six. 209 this morning, my friends. That's ugly.

Some of it was stress eating, some of it was being on vacation for a few days. All of it is my fault. So here I am, being accountable and whatnot.

Onward and downward.

Heartbreak, Happiness and Joy

Last Sunday afternoon, as I was packing up the puppies to go back, the phone rang. It was my friend E's mom, telling me that E's teenage daughter had killed herself that morning. Her 12-year-old son found his sister hanging in the garage.

That kicked off a whirlwind four days of shock and sorrow and sympathy and trying to figure out how to explain it to my oldest (who is good buds and classmates with E's youngest).

On Monday, I went to E's house to hug her and cry with her, and took her two youngest to my house for dinner and a playdate. My two boys and her two and another friend made pizzas and ran around with lightsabers, a little slice of normalcy in a horrible situation.

Wednesday evening, I waited in the aisle of a tiny New England church as red-eyed high schoolers and their parents walked past the girl's open casket and fell into her parents' arms, sobbing. E and her husband stood next to their child's body for four hours, comforting an unending stream of her friends, family members and classmates.

Thursday was the funeral, and it was emotionally draining, after an already emotionally demanding few days.

Friday morning I frantically packed for our long-awaited trip to Sonoma for the Hubs' cousin's wedding.

My sister called at 7 am to let me know she was in labor, and I told her she had seven hours to push that baby out before my flight took off at 3.55 pm. We didn't know whether she was having a boy or a girl, and I was dying to know.

My sister never misses a deadline. God bless her, she birthed that child - a boy! with adorably huge cheeks! - with half an hour to spare.

We had a whirlwind trip, drove through wine country, visited a winery, had a couple good meals, saw lots of Hubs' family members, went to the wedding (a whole 'nother story, but the bride and groom were glowing with happiness so that's all that matters) and then drove from the wedding Sunday night to San Francisco airport, where Hubs boarded a redeye to New York and I boarded a separate redeye to Philadelphia.

This morning, my mom picked me up at the airport, I took a nap at her house and then *finally* got to see my new, adorable nephew. I'm so proud of my sister! She had a tough labor, and aside from the hemorrhoids from hell she is rocking the postpartum gig. I spent a few hours with her, then got on a northbound train and took a taxi home from the station.

In one week, we've experienced a totally unnecessary, horrifying, tragic death, the happiness of a couple starting their life together as husband and wife, and the sheer joy of the arrival of a healthy newborn addition to our family.

I am exhausted, and emotionally drained, and so grateful that my children are upstairs asleep in their beds. And heartbroken that my friend's family will never be whole again.

Checking In

Life is getting in the way of blogging, so I just wanted to check in and say hi. Holding steady at 205.4, not eating all that well. Gotta work on the refocus.

I'll get back to reading and commenting soon. In the meantime, take care.

Portion Control

The scale improved my mood a bit this morning - 204.8. I'll take it.

The pups continue to be cute and active and nippy, and my pounding headache is gone. The baby still has some kind of virus so she's not happy but the Hubs is home (with his own unspecified ailments) and helping.

Portion control continues to be the bane of my existence. I am forever serving myself wayyyy too much and then continuing to shovel it in even when I know I'm physically full. Why is that?

GRATUITOUS PUPPY PHOTOS

I hate to be a whiner, I really do. But today I'm doing it anyway. If you dislike whining, you might want to skip this one.

I. AM. SO. EXHAUSTED. Like, this exhausted:

I haven't showered in two or three days. I have a cold and my head is POUNDING and my throat is sore. The baby is coming off a stomach bug that included vomiting all over her car seat and down-the-leg, through-the-clothes diarrhea, Older son is coming off strep throat, Hubs was traveling all week and I have these two little puppies that I am socializing and training. Wednesday night I had five hours of sleep, and last night I went to bed at 11 pm - after running the puppies around through the day to tire them out - only to have the baby wake up screaming at 3.30 am for an hour and Younger Son come running into my room at 5.50 am covered in blood because he bonked his head and this crazy hemangioma thing he has burst and bled everywhere. He looked like Sissy Spacek in Carrie.

And have you ever tried to reassemble a Britax car seat after washing vomit out of the cover and various pieces of foam and straps? I feel like I should be awarded an engineering degree from MIT after that feat.

I don't even know what I've eaten, it's been leftovers mostly. I had a bunch of tikka masala sauce left, so I put it over cannelloni beans and quinoa - totally delicious, high-protein and good fiber. That almost negates the cream in the tikka masala sauce, right?

Yesterday the scale was down to 205.4 but this morning it's up to 206 again, so I'm holding steady. The puppies leave Sunday at 4 pm. They are so, so sweet but oh my god they are a lot of work. And I'm running out of newspaper... SEND HELP.

Woof!

In band news, I have nothing exciting to report here. No rockin' weight loss, no horrific vomiting episodes, no complaints about my doctor. My band is... fine. My hunger pops up here and there but generally it's manageable. Lately, I've been eating three meals and one or two snacks a day.

I have my Zone bar around 9 am (s-l-o-w-l-y, usually in the car as I drive to nursery school), and then lunch around 11.30. Lunch this week is a serving of chicken chili that I've made three meals out of. Then in the late afternoon I may have a piece of cheese and a few olives. Dinner is fish or chicken or cheese and an artichoke.

We have two pups visiting us this week from Guiding Eyes for the Blind. Kimball and Kylie are here till Sunday, which means we are BUSY feeding them, playing with them, taking them out and cleaning up after them.

The good news is, I'm so busy with them that I don't have much time to graze.

I'm holding steady at 206 right now, just hangin' out here waiting for the scale to do me some favors. I think it'll start moving because I've been eating pretty well lately, and the burst of energy required to keep up with the pups should help too.

Fall Has Arrived

We finally have a real fall day today! We took the kids and our nephew to the Bronx Zoo this morning, and it was cold enough that we had to wear jackets. Fall is my absolute favorite season, so I am completely excited about this. Plus, I walked around for two hours so I got some exercise.

The scale is inching downward again since my fill on Thursday, but I'll be interested to see whether it keeps moving. I'm not back down to my most recent low yet, so I'm not in new territory now.

My weight was holding steady at 5.5 cc's but the band was way too tight at 5.75. My surgeon tells me he doesn't like to go in increments smaller than 0.25 cc's for fills, which doesn't make much sense to me. The Hubs says if this fill doesn't quite get me over the hump I should just go in and ask him for 0.1 cc's and say I feel very strongly that he should at least try it. I think the Hubs is probably right. We'll see. I go back in a month.

I have to say, though, it is bliss to not be overly tight. We went to an Indian restaurant last night with some friends, and it was lovely to not worry about whether I'd spend half the night in the bathroom. I had one bite of each of the four appetizers we ordered and about 1/3 of my halibut. No naan for this girl, but it was a great dinner and I was able to relax and enjoy it. Plus, we found street parking in New York City on a Saturday night, which is like winning the lottery.

I'm Tweaking My Goal

When I saw my surgeon today, he asked if I had a specific goal weight in mind. I said I'd officially be out of the 'overweight' category at 145, according to the BMI chart. But I've never weighed 145 in my adult life, so I'm not all that confident I'll get there.

Dr. M said he thinks 160 is a good goal, I would be pretty healthy at that weight and if I keep losing beyond that point, great. But if I stayed between 160-165, he said that would be a really solid goal.

So I'm changing my ticker to reflect the new goal. Which is kind of exciting because now I have even less to lose before goal! I'll keep 145 as an aspirational goal, but I won't drive myself nuts trying to get there if I find I taper off at 160 or in the 150s.

Also, I did mention to my doctor that I had a terrible time getting in touch with him when I was overfilled earlier this month. I told him exactly how I had tried to get in touch, and he seemed surprised when I explained I called the office three times and his service once over the course of 24 hours. He said he must not have gotten the evening page, and he apologized for not having gotten back to me.

Oh, and the storm? The one that brought warning after warning and cancellation of all activities? Hasn't hit yet.

The Storm's A-Comin'

Apparently we are on the verge of getting a huge wind storm. So big that the public schools are dismissing an hour early and canceling all after-school activities, causing mothers everywhere to scramble afternoon plans to pick up our children. I also just got a reverse-911 robocall from the town warning me to expect downed trees, road closures and flooding.

Where I live, a big wind storm means we are going to lose power. Fo sho'. We lose power when a light summer breeze passes through town, so I am just praying that all the chicken stock I made and froze on Monday doesn't end up going bad. I'm heading out now to get some more flashlights because ours are for shit.

I got a fill today, back up to 5.5, which is 0.25 cc's less than when I was overfilled. I haven't tried to drink anything yet, busy day, but I'm hoping all goes well since it seems I'll be preoccupied with other matters for the next 48 hours.

I had lost a few pounds before I got sick from the overfill, then lost a lot from being dehydrated, then gained some back from the unfill. Today when I weighed in, I weighed exactly what I weighed when I got the fill that proved to be too much. So the whole experience netted me exactly zero pounds lost between Sept. 2 and Sept. 30.

Here's hoping October is a more productive band month for me.

Wow.

What a weekend. I can't imagine any scenario in which I could have had more fun or felt more relaxed or, or, or...

It was awesome, and everyone was great and it was like walking into a party where you know every single person. I got all teary in the airport on the way home thinking how amazing it was to be with so many people who understand where I've been without having to explain anything.

Thank you to the planners who spent sooooo many hours making sure everything would be perfect for us. It really was. I love the t-shirt and the goody bag and the wine and the Friday mixer and the Saturday dinner and the karaoke craziness and the Chicago architecture and all of you. You are just as fabulous as I hoped you'd be.

Three More Days... Three More Days!

So I found a dress. I tried it on without Spanx and it's a little snug but it's really pretty and I can wear it for the wedding in October as well as in Chicago.

Frankly, there's nothing worse than a fat girl in a too-tight dress, so I'm bringing a backup and I will rely on some of you to tell me the *truth* if it's not quite ready for prime time. Still need to figure out shoes and accessories. I am terrible at accessorizing. I wear the same earrings and my wedding rings every single day. I don't even wear a watch anymore.

Here's an interesting little tidbit for those of us with Allergan bands: My mom has Allergan product(s) - her new boobs, acquired last spring - and she keeps getting all kinds of free stuff from them. Lots of cosmetic samples, Latisse, that kind of thing. I also have an Allergan product, and I have gotten jack shit on a stick from Allergan. Not even a postcard. What's up with that?

Cat Bites, New Tires and the ER. All in One Day.

I was all set to do some shopping to find a dress for Saturday that will also work for a wedding in October. Never made it further than the local Toyota dealership, which sucked up two and a half hours to diagnose my tire pressure problem and prescribe two new tires. Could have had a reallllly nice dress for five hundred ninety seven dollars.

This evening, as we were saying goodbye to a friend of older son's who was here playing, Cooper the neighborhood cat wandered into the front yard and the kids went over to say hello. He's a friendly guy, belongs to the family down the street, and often comes to hang in our yard for a couple days at a time. He also sometimes walks with us to and from the bus stop, rubbing against our legs while we walk.

For some reason, when younger son petted him today, Cooper nipped him and left two puncture wounds in younger son's hand.

Have you ever googled "cat bites" before? Don't, because you will immediately drop dead from panic. Cat bites have a high infection rate, and there is always the rabies concern. Which is exacerbated because a rabid coyote recently attacked a father and his daughter a couple weeks ago around here. So everyone's on high alert, and Cooper is a wandering kind of cat who goes home every few days or so but otherwise is out and about.

I washed the bite, called Cooper's mom, who was really nice and promised to check with the vet and make sure Cooper's rabies vaccination is up to date, waited for the Hubs to come home, took younger son to ER on pediatrician's recommendation, and waited two hours there. He's on a prophylactic antibiotic for a week.

And I still don't have a dress.

Q: What Size Am I? A: All of Them.

I am at an in-between stage. I haven't entirely shrunken out of the fat girls' sizes, but I do fit in some clothes that don't have a W after the number.

I can fit into a size 14 dress if it's flowy and a size 16 dress if it's not. But the size 18 pants I got at Macy's fit just right. I can fit into my Lane Bryant size 14 jeans but the LB size 16 pants from a few years ago are a little tighter in the waist than I like. The 16W Not Your Daughter's Jeans I bought fit like a glove - a very fitted glove. On top, most XLs work for me, including J.Crew and Banana Republic, but not Ann Taylor.

All of this makes shopping rather tedious.

Plus, my period is due any day now so I'm hungrier and the scale has gone up the past several days because of the rehydration process. And retaining water. And possibly the red velvet cake and M&Ms.

The good news is, I should be through all of it and happy as a lark when I board my plane one week from tomorrow to go see you lovelies in Chicago.

Fashion Show ~HELP NEEDED~

Don't get me wrong, I don't need a tutorial on the mechanics of shopping. But after years and years of having such limited choices, I am overwhelmed anytime I try to buy new clothes. There are so many things out there, and I have no idea what to wear.

I have a few events this fall: my sister's baby shower on Saturday, Chicago and an October wedding in northern California. I don't really have anything for any of these occasions, although if I dig deep in my closet maybe I could find something.

In the meantime, here's what I picked up today. I fully intend to return some of it tomorrow, so please be honest in your assessments.

First, a jacket/shirt combo from White House/Black Market. I like the jacket, but can't decide which shirt looks best. The pants need to be hemmed, so disregard the extra 10 inches of fabric hanging at the bottom. Also, I think the Holy Spirit was paying a visit to my closet, based on the blinding light illuminating my saddle bags. Sorry about that.

Horizontal sparkles


Plain


Neckline sparkles


I also found this shirt at Lord & Taylor, which would be fun for a going-to-dinner night.


Unless, of course, it looks like I should be wielding a sword and shouting, "Ahoy matey!"


What do you think? Let me know.

I still don't have anything for the shower or the wedding, so I'm going back for more tomorrow. I can return the undesirables then.

The Good, The Bad and The Party Recap

The good news: I can eat!

The bad news: I can EAT!

The unfill left me with 4.75 cc's in my band, so it's not wide open. But I do feel a difference in hunger, particularly this morning.

The good news: I was so busy yesterday at the party that I barely ate anything.

The bad news: We have leftovers. Red velvet cake ($9.99 at Costco with heavenly cream cheese frosting), dips, chips, brownies, cookies.

The good news: I've invited a slew of in-laws to watch the Giants game today and eat the rest of the leftovers. So I'm going to pull on my big-girl pants and exercise some self control. Hopefully the worst of the temptations will be gone by dinnertime.

Yesterday morning I weighed 201.8. Which is AWESOME because it's sooooo close to being under 200. But it's also kind of a tease because I know I was still dehydrated so the weight loss isn't really true. This morning I clocked in at 204.

I would so love to be under 200 by the time we all get together in Chicago, and I'll keep working for it. We'll see how it goes.

Oh, and the party was great. The Hubs started hosting this party in honor of an underappreciated historical figure 14 years ago (this year's honoree: DeWitt Clinton, father of the Erie Canal and the NYC public school system).

I wasn't on the scene when the Hubs started hosting the party, so it was just him and a few college friends with some six-packs of beer and a bowl of M&Ms. When we moved in together in New York I added such elegant touches as chips and dip and cheese and crackers. Over the years it went from being a nighttime adult-only affair where everyone drank beer to an adult-only affair where everyone drank wine to six jillion kids running around our backyard with water guns. Yesterday we had more than 100 people, and the party was catered by Planet Pizza and Costco.

It's now grown into a great mishmash of friends from college, our various jobs, my book club, the kids' friends and their parents and our extended families. I love introducing people who haven't met but have common interests and watching them hit it off. The kids run around and play ball or go in the bouncy castle we rent, swim, play with sidewalk chalk, just generally hang out and have fun.

We had such a good time, in a lot of cases we only see these friends once a year at this party. One family comes from Massachusetts and stays overnight every year, so we always get to hang out, eat leftovers and drink wine with them after we get our six combined kids into bed after the party.

All in all, I'm feeling soooo much better. Planning to go back to the surgeon sometime next week to have some fill added without getting to the awful point I reached last week. I'll have a convo with him then about the poor response I received when I called for help.

Sweet Relief

The surgeon took out 1 cc this afternoon. I can drink now.

I think they thought I was overreacting right up till I stepped on their scale. I've lost nine pounds since my fill last Thursday. I'm sure seven of those pounds are the result of dehydration after a day and a half of throwing up so I'll probably show a gain for the next couple of weeks. I don't care, though.

I've had most of a smoothie from Starbucks, and a few sips of strained chicken noodle soup. So far, so good.

I didn't say much to my surgeon about his staff or the trouble I had getting in touch. I'll tell him when I go back to have some fill put in after the swelling goes down. I was exhausted and dehydrated and in no mood to have a conversation.

I'm amazed how obsessed I got with eating when I couldn't eat a thing. Part of the problem was just before my surgeon appointment I was shopping at Costco for the party, so everything looked really good and everyone was walking around eating the yummy samples while I listlessly pushed my cart.

I did score a cute anorak thingy. Size L! It's not loose by any means, but I think it'll work well as the weather gets cooler and wetter.

Thanks to all of you for your concern. It was comforting, and I know you understand more than anyone else.

Now I need to get everything ready for tomorrow's party. The good news: The weather looks gorgeous!

The Misery Continues

Last night I was able to have some chicken broth and a couple ounces of ice water. This morning I was so thirsty, my stomach was growling. I had two sips of juice and then tried a few bites of very thin soup.

No dice.

I'm furious with my doctor - I called yesterday and spoke to someone who kind of blew me off, told me to just take little sips. When I called again in the afternoon to say I was throwing up saliva, the woman said, "I can have him call you, but he's not going to tell you anything different." I said to please have him call me. No call. Last night I had him paged at 8 pm and asked for him to call me back. No call.

I called this morning and he's operating right now. I told the woman I need to see him this afternoon, I can't keep liquids down. She said she'd check with him and let me know.

I have to take my son to the pediatrician to check his wheezing, and I cannot keep running to the bathroom or they're going to think I have an eating disorder.

I have so many errands to run to get ready for a party we're having tomorrow. We have one party a year for our friends, and this is it. It's casual, we order pizza and chicken fingers from a pizza place, but it's big - we have more than 90 people coming tomorrow. I don't have time to be kneeling over the toilet gagging.

I'm angry enough with my surgeon to leave the practice, but there aren't a lot of other people who do this around here. I did call another practice to see if they take post-op patients for aftercare. They said yes but the PA who does all the fills is on vacation and I'd like to talk to her before I start getting records together.

On the upside, I lost three pounds overnight. I can't even get excited about it because I know it's from being dehydrated and because of the misery I've gone through to lose them.

**UPDATE**
Going to have some fluid removed at 1.30 pm. The receptionist told me in the meantime to just take tiny sips. Ha! There's nothing going in at this point, it's all going out. From a few sips of soup 90 minutes ago. Ridiculous.

Worst Morning Ever

All three kids have colds and coughs, so I took them to the pediatrician's office this morning. On the way I had about 2/3 of my daily Zone bar, and within a few minutes realized it wasn't going down well.

As we walked into the office, my 15-month-old immediately started crying because, in addition to her 11-day fever streak and cough, she remembers that this is the place where they stick you with needles. The nurse came in to get the scoop on what's happening, who's got a fever, etc. I had to excuse myself and run down the hall with the baby (she freaks out if I leave her) to throw up.

I came back and the ped examined the kids. Middle Child is wheezing for the first time in his life and had to be nebulized. Older Child is fine so was sent back to the waiting room to watch Toy Story. Baby had to have a toe prick to check her white blood count to determine if her ailment is viral or bacterial (result: not sure, keep an eye on it. super helpful.). I had to excuse myself three more times to go throw up. Middle Child goes back tomorrow to see how nebulizing is working.

On the way out I asked the doctor for a plastic bag, and continued to throw up as I drove home. Question from my compassionate children: Mom, are you going to brush your teeth when we get home? And my personal favorite: Mom, can you please open the windows? It smells in here.

I'm sipping something cold and soothing now, and I can feel that everything is swollen. Damn it. I was going to make a nice dinner tonight too. Now I'm looking up soup recipes on foodnetwork.com.

**UPDATE**
Just threw up the cold drink. I had maybe 3-4 ounces. Spoke to someone at my surgeon's office who says it happens sometimes and I may throw up for the next few days. I asked what if I can't keep liquids down and she said well, that might happen but just try to take really small sips.

Any other suggestions? This is awful.

SIXTY SIXTY SIXTY SIXTY!!

FINALLY!

I've lost 60 pounds (as of yesterday)!!! This was three months to the day that I lost 50 pounds, which means it took me three months to lose 10 pounds. Let's not dwell too much on that, shall we?

As of this morning, I'm actually 61 pounds down, which means I'm officially more than halfway to my goal weight. I know the second half is a lot harder than the first, so I'm gearing up for a war against fat. I will win, because the Force is with me.

I'm pretty happy about all of this, and I know the fill really got things kick-started.

Our houseguests cooked dinner for us the other night, and I was all in a tizzy about what I should do because they were making pasta with truffle butter and crusty bread. Not super band friendly, and I didn't want to 'fess up because I've only known them for a few days. Oh, and I was supposed to be on liquids because I had a fill on Thursday.

Once again, the blog babes helped in a big way. While I loved Jennifer's suggestion that I have a stomach bug (complemented with the phrase "ass faucet") and Barbara's about taking an "emergency" phone call, I knew I couldn't pull off either of those. I'm a bad liar.

A couple of you mentioned that your docs don't require liquids after a fill, which made me feel better about having a few bites of the pasta. So I ate the cheese they served as an appetizer, a glass of red wine, some avocado from the salad and a few teeeny bites of the pasta. When I asked the Hubs for the avocado he wasn't eating, he said, "I'll trade you for some pasta," and took most of mine, thus saving me from sitting there with a full plate. Love that guy.

Hair Makeover

My hair is thinning (please, God, let it come back) and I've desperately needed an overhaul for a while.

Here's the result of today's cut and color:




It'd be swell if I was having gangbusters weight loss to go with the hair loss, but notsomuch. I predict yesterday's fill will help get things kick-started, as will my stepped-up workouts.

I was complaining to Hairdresser Amy about how much my luscious tresses have thinned out lately. She's been cutting my hair for seven years, so she was puzzled and kept asking what's going on. I told her about the surgery and she said, "Well, thank God, I was about to send you to an endocrinologist because I was afraid you're really sick."

Thanks for all the great dinner suggestions. I think I'm going to have a few bites, push it around the plate, slip some to the Hubs if I can, and plead an upset stomach if anyone notices. I bought wine, and I'm planning to keep refilling the chefs' glasses so they'll be too tipsy to notice that I'm not eating much.

Sorry I haven't been commenting and reading as much as usual. It's been one thing after another here, but I'm sure it'll calm down next week.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Trouble in River City

Hoooo boy, I need some help here. As we lingered over a dinner of leftovers and blended black bean soup (guess who had that), Houseguests mentioned that they are going to cook dinner for us tomorrow night.

Their favorite recipe: Pasta with truffle butter, and a nice loaf of crusty bread.

They're out at Whole Foods right now buying the ingredients.

Now, on a normal band day I could probably fake it with a few very small bites, maybe switching plates with Hubs halfway through. But I'm post-fill and supposed to be on liquids until Saturday.

What to do, what to do? Please advise. xoxo

Fill 'Er Up

Today I had my first fill since March. I'm a little nervous about it because the last time I was at this level (5.75 cc's in a 10 cc band), I could eat virtually no solids. It was difficult and a pain in the ass because it really limited where and when I could have a meal. After two months at 5.75 I had my surgeon take me down to 5.5 cc's.

But lately I've been dancing around the same numbers on the scale, and I'm feeling hungry within 90 minutes or two hours after my meals so I know it's time for something. My surgeon put me back up to 5.75 today and told me to take it really, really slow in going back to solids. I'm on thin liquids today, regular liquids Friday/Sat and mushies on Sunday, then transitioning to solids gradually.

The good news here is, I expect this will help me get through the plateau. And it's possible that I've lost enough weight since March that 5.75 won't be as tight now as it was then. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Our houseguests are really nice, and their kids are sweet and well-behaved - better behaved than mine, but that's another topic for another day - so all is well on that front. I made a big dinner last night (pastitsio, salad, wine and berry cobbler) for everyone so I can keep it casual for the next few nights. I'm hoping that'll make it less noticeable that I'm only on liquids.

In the meantime, I'm heading to the gym for a workout. Cue the Rocky theme song...

I'm Sore. But That's a Good Thing, Probably.

I went back to the gym today. I meant to go back a few months ago, but then I had a stuck episode and vomited all over the parking lot and in my car. It was awkward.

So I guess what really happened was, I finally got up the nerve to show my face at the gym again. And while I was there, I worked out with a trainer. He was good, tough without being ridiculous. I didn't cry. I can feel the muscle fatigue and I know tomorrow I'll be sore and Wednesday I'll be in pain and then I'll be OK again on Thursday. Which is good because I have another appointment then.

In unrelated news, Oldest Child starts second grade tomorrow. Cannot believe summer is already over.

Also, we have a family I've never met and know virtually nothing about arriving tomorrow to live with us for a week. The husband is a colleague of my husband, and they're moving here from San Francisco with two very young children. Hubs invited them to stay with us while their furniture is en route. Wish me luck.

The Verdict

As I said on Sherry's blog, I thought I was all badass because I walked a lot on vacation.

Then I came home and stepped on the scale.

Friends, it is tragic. Up four pounds from my recent low.

Fill on Thursday, Fill on Thursday, Fill on Thursday.

The End.

Vacation Wrap-Up

The suitcases are packed and we are heading home first thing in the morning. It's been a great vacation, filled with family and sand and food and chaos.

My band is at least partly responsible for the fun I've had this trip. I've eaten a lot of not-healthy food, and while I've had a twinge of guilt here and there, the difference between my general outlook on my life now and this time last year is significant.

I wore a bathing suit on the beach every day (thank you Amy W. for the suit, I got lots of compliments). I walked miles five of the six days we've been here. I went on a ride at the amusement park with my kids and didn't worry whether I was too big or would look like an ass.

Last year, as I hit my all-time high weight, I realized I was down to just a few things that would fit me. I bought an XL 'Ocean City' t-shirt, and it was tight. Like, sit down and pull it over my knees to stretch it out tight. This year, my XL shirt is pretty big. I'm shapeless when I wear it.

Tonight I went for a walk on the boardwalk by myself, and I stopped into the t-shirt shop and picked up a size L. It fits.

Good (Bad) Food, Workouts and Gambling - All In One Post!

I admire all of you who are so dedicated to exercise and regular workouts. I've been derelict in stepping up my workout game, which is kind of strange since I used to exercise pretty regularly.

This week I've walked - really walked, a few miles and enough to sweat - four days in a row.

This is partly to combat the deadly combination of a loose band and the delicious but nutritionally godawful food available to me here on the Jersey shore. Barb and Cindylew, you know what I'm talking about - cheese steaks, Rita's Italian Ice, Kohr Bros. soft-serve, funnel cakes, etc. I've had some of my very favorites, but a lot less than in years past.

Last night we had a grownup dinner at the Borgata casino in Atlantic City. Gambling isn't my thing, but there's a steakhouse that my brother likes, so six of us went. It was so nice to get dressed up and not feel awkward and embarrassed about how bad I looked. Because I didn't look awful!

I'm pretty sure my eyes didn't look demonic in real life but I couldn't swear to it. Isn't my sister adorable?

I have two full days of vacation left, and I intend to keep up my walking workouts. I like to quantify every single second I spend exercising - I have a heart-rate monitor and I've always logged workouts in a running diary.

I was so excited to use the Nike+ feature that's built into my new iPhone. I've used it before with iPods but I was looking forward to the ease of the built-in program. Well, guess what? It sucks. It doesn't record distance properly, and it's not a calibration issue - I hiked for two hours and it said I went 0.15 miles. Then the other day I walked 2.5 miles on the boardwalk and got the 0.15 miles thing again. Now the phone won't even pair up with the shoe sensor. Grrrr. Not happy about that. Get on it, Apple!

Crazy Family Times

I realize the title could be read with a couple different meanings. They're both accurate.

We're at the beach in Ocean City, New Jersey with my parents, siblings and assorted spouses and kids.
Here's the view from the family room of our (rented) house:
Beautiful, right? Notice how far the dunes stretch? Now just imagine trying to herd seven children ranging in age from four weeks to eight years, beach toys, boogie boards, towels, umbrellas, coolers and chairs alllllll the way through those dunes to get to the ocean. Where we then have to stand in the water to make sure the children don't drown. It's super relaxing. And luxurious! We've even experienced nature, in the form of overly aggressive seagulls stealing my niece's grilled cheese out of her hands yesterday.

But it's been fun. And funny too.

Around 11 o'clock last night, my brother-in-law, who almost never drinks unless he is peer-pressured into it by my brother, was sitting in front of the toilet waiting to throw up while my very very pregnant sister stood with him, alternately consoling him and laughing at him.

I was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, convulsed with laughter at the whole scene when we heard a thump. I walked into the boys' room to find my 5-year-old (the one who is always having some crisis or another when we're away from home) had fallen face-first out of bed onto a pile of Legos. There was a lot of blood, and this morning he looks like he was mauled by a bear.

The good news is, my daughter loves the beach! So much that I'm starting to wonder how much sand a baby can eat before I need to start worrying about a blockage or something.

My band is on the looser side here but I'm walking on the boardwalk every day and so busy that I'll be surprised if I gain.

Finally, is anyone else's hair still falling out? I took this picture yesterday and my forehead is getting alarmingly big.

"I'm Up, I'm Down, I'm Fat, I'm Thin"

Is anyone here old enough to remember that line from St. Elmo's Fire? The rich girl's mom - the one who whispers every time she says the word cancer - mentions it resignedly at the family dinnertable.

The line has stuck with me all these years, because it completely applied to my experience with my weight. Although in the last 10 years I can't say there have been more than a few months where I felt "thin." And by that I mean weighing less than 200 pounds. This morning I weighed 209.6, up from a low of 206.8 the other day.

I'd love to be out of the 200s by Labor Day, but I don't see it happening. I'd *really* love to be out of the 200s by the time I land in Chicago, and maybe that's a good goal to set. I'm on the slower side in my losing, mostly because I'm lazy and have slipped a bit from my model bandster ways. It's not a mystery to me why I'm not going gangbusters with this thing.

So I'm setting my goal: I have five weeks to lose either nine pounds or 6.8 pounds. That's a tall order given my recent patterns. But it's a good, solid goal.

I'm due for a small fill, scheduled on Sept. 1st. So maybe this is do-able.

Where's the Progress?

Today was a hungry day. I ate a lot. Bad choices. I need a tweak when I see my surgeon after Labor Day. No real workout, but I walked a little bit because I took the boys to see the King Tut exhibit in Times Square.

(Side note: I've spent more time in Times Square in the last year than I did in the entire three years I lived in New York. People who live in New York don't go to Times Square unless they're passing through on their way to the theater district or on the way to work. It really is ridiculously crowded there. So much so that I tucked a note with my cellphone number in each kid's pocket just in case I lost one of them.)

Here they are, watching the madness of Times Square from the (relative) serenity of the Broadway Lounge.

I am sooooo close to 60 down and my halfway point. Gilly, who was banded around the same time I was, is at 90 down. (YAY GILLY, you skinny bitch.) And you guys, she is *never* going to let me live it down that she is kicking.my.ass. Ugh.

It's All About the Portions

Isn't that just the truth? And the truth is, I'm not doing so great on portion control. My band is doing some of it, but the 'Kristin' part still needs, ahem, a lot of work.

I use small plates, try to put my fork down between bites and chew, chew, chew. I don't drink with meals except for when I have wine with dinner. I generally avoid slider foods. But limiting how much I put on my (much smaller) plate is something I'm still working on.

I keep reminding myself that it's not about how much I can shove in, it's about how little I can eat and still feel satisfied.

It's an ongoing process.

Getting Closer...

Thanks for the encouragement in my last whiny post. You were right, the scale showed a delayed drop, and as of this morning I am down 59.2 pounds, less than a pound from 60 and just 1.3 pounds from my halfway point to goal!

Barbara, I hope you and your husband had a great time in downtown Philly. KoP was as magical as I remembered it. {For the uninitiated, KoP is the King of Prussia Mall, which is nice and bright and huge and has every store I could ever want to shop in.} I could move right in to that place and stay there for a lonnnngggg time before I got bored. We mostly walked around because you can't do any serious shopping with a baby in tow, but it was fun to get out with my sister and get a little walking in.

I think my goal gift to myself will be a kids-free shopping trip to KoP.

Can you believe how close we are to Chicago? It seemed like ages and ages when the idea first popped up.

It Moved. A Little.

The scale moved a bit, although just by a few ounces. Whatever, I'll take it.

We've been doing a ton of driving, and my tailbone is KILLING me. I get out of the car looking like I'm bent in half. Very elegant.

I went to dinner tonight with my parents and sister for my dad's 62nd birthday. I had some bisque - not a great choice, but it was crab and artichoke. You understand. Then I had the scallop entree. I ate two of them and gave the rest away and was absolutely, completely full, like I really pigged out.

And then I realized IT WAS MY BAND. DOING ITS JOB. Which was all the more exciting because I didn't at the same time get sick or slime or PB or anything. I didn't even get that awful feeling at the far back of my throat.

IT'S WORKING. IT'S WORKING!!

That Can't Be Right. Can It?

Just back from a few days of hiking and, um, experiencing wilderness. We were so busy keeping the kids busy, covering them in bug spray, bathing them to get the bus spray off and cooking for them (and then of course finding an Urgent Care clinic for my middle child because what would a vacation be without searching for a doctor in a foreign land? ). I felt like I barely ate a thing. And I hiked! Two decent hikes!

And I came home and I weigh exactly what I weighed when we left.

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Amy from Babbles, happy to send you the shirts you claimed in the previous post but I need your mailing address. Can you please send it to catchytitlehereblog (at) gmail?

Clothes for the Sisterhood

Happy Friday!

I have a few things for the sisterhood. First person to call something gets it, and if you let me know today I'll mail stuff out tomorrow. If you let me know after tomorrow morning, it'll go out on Friday.

1. Black semi-dressy v-neck short-sleeve jersey material shirt. I wore it out to dinner with black pants a lot. Size 2X.


2. Hot pink Polo-style Ralph Lauren pique cotton shirt with bright orange collar. Size 2X.


3. Pink Polo-style Ralph Lauren pique cotton shirt. Size 2X.


4. Pink dotted jersey short-sleeve scoop neck with pink rosettes on the neckline. Size 1X. I've worn it just a couple times.


5. Khaki colored Charter Club linen pants, full-length, worn twice. Size 20W.


6. White linen cropped pants. Jones New York size 18W, never worn. I couldn't get a great shot of them but they're really nice. Tags still on 'em.


You can claim something in comments and email me your mailing address at catchytitlehereblog {at} gmail dot com