Is This Thing On?

***I want to preface this post by saying I know I've been all kinds of negative lately. Please know that I am not writing this to bring on sympathy from you. I started this blog to keep track of my emotions and frustrations through this process, so I want to be as true to my feelings as I can. I'm hoping writing it all down will help me make sense of it.***

I had fill #2 today and I've been starving all day. Before the fill, I had three soft-boiled eggs and two pieces of rye toast with butter for breakfast. I resisted the cookies at my Haiti fundraiser meeting, so yay me on that front. Had 1.5 cc's added to bring me to 5.5 cc's in my band.

I went home and had 1/2 c of roasted red pepper soup, was still hungry so had a protein shake. I haven't had one of those in at least 10 days. Still felt hungry so had 1/2 or 2/3 c of chili, blended with some beef stock to thin it out. At dinner I had winter vegetable puree soup and 4-5 bites of tuna salad. Tonight I've had a glass of wine, half of a mashed avocado and a SF chocolate pudding cup (60 cals).

I am feeling so let down by this. I know it's a tool and I need to put effort into it, but I really did expect more from this band. I can't quite figure if it's normal to have this hunger and overeating while waiting to get to restriction, or if I am a giant fuckup and going to fail with this just as I have failed with every other weight-loss effort. If I fail with this, I'll let down my husband, my children, my entire family. Which, frankly, just depresses me and makes me want to eat more.

Second Fill

The snow waited for my fill - thank you, Mother Nature. I'm up to 5.5 cc's in my 10 cc band. The surgeon didn't want to go to 6 yet, and I kind of didn't want to run into any problems where I'd be trying to trek back and have some taken out during a snow storm. So my fingers are crossed.

I've been eating allll the wrong things for the past two weeks and it has caught up to me.

At least my liquids/mushies days should help get the scale moving in the right direction.

I hope everyone is dry and warm!

QUICK QUESTION: Is it normal that I'm pretty hungry? I've had 1/2 c of red pepper soup, a protein shake and 1/2 c of blended chili in the last three hours and I'm just now full.