FREEZIN FEBRUARY CHALLENGE

Happy February, people! This week's challenge starts Monday, Feb. 1st and ends Friday, Feb. 5th. The details: Everyone must commit to at least 20 minutes of exercise per day, every day. Any kind of exercise counts, walking or zumba or elliptical or whatever. Whoever accumulates the most minutes wins the challenge, although we'll all end the week victorious.

So far, this challenge includes Cara, Barbara, Jen, Yana, Jennifer, Vanessa and me. If anyone else wants to join, please do. The more, the merrier.

When you've completed your exercise for the day, update me with your info on that day's post here.

Looking forward to getting moving with you!

** ** ** ** ** ** **

In other news, something strange happened today. I wasn't much interested in food. At all. It was kind of that way later in the day yesterday too. I have to think hormones are involved here somewhere, because my cravings fell off a cliff. Boom, just like someone flicked a switch.

I'm not going to overanalyze. I'm happy with it. Scale is holding steady (it took back those three pounds and apologized for the misunderstanding). I ate really well today. Didn't exercise, though - the challenge will light a fire under my lazy butt.

The party last night was great - awesome reggae band, good wine, nice people. Judging from the showing at the party, it's amazing to me how many men have Hawaiian shirts in the back of their closets. Especially in New England. My husband (who has two, and trust me, he's not exactly good-time Charlie) claims that every gentleman should have at least one Hawaiian shirt and a tuxedo in his wardrobe. There's something to ponder.

The whole point of mentioning the party was to say, I did awesome with the food. I had a turkey and cheese roll-up before we left the house, and then had three appetizer-size crabcakes. I did also have two large glasses of pinot noir, so it wasn't a fantastic *calorie intake* day. But at least I didn't pile tons of food on top of the wine. Baby steps, right?

Cara, GOOD LUCK starting your course this week. You will be brilliant! Be sure to let us know how it all goes.

Bandster Hell and CHALLENGE

I'm in it. Not so much that I'm having cravings, more that as soon as I have one I tend to indulge it. My daily calories are still in the 900-1300 range, but inching up. First fill: Feb. 10th.

I need to get my act together. I was doing so well, and now I guess I'm realizing that I can eat more (although I do have a little restriction, I can definitely tell when I eat too fast or don't chew well enough).

I'm just going to take this meal by meal. The past two days I haven't done so well with logging every bite. Need to start doing that again.

We have a party to go to tonight - a Hawaiian theme. Of course I do not have a single cute resort-y dress to wear, so I'm wearing all black and buying a few leis from the local party store. Ay yi yi.

********************************************

It seems like we have some takers on the CHALLENGE. Let's say everyone will do a minimum of 20 minutes each day from Monday-Friday, but keep track of your total minutes so we can see who takes the prize! Challenge starts Monday, Feb. 1st and ends 11.59 pm on Friday.

Comment here to let me know you're in, and then each day as you finish, comment on that day's post to let us know how you're doing.

GOOD LUCK!

My Dearest, Darling Scale

You tell me I weigh three pounds more today than I did yesterday. Really? Really? Because while I did have the munchies last night and may have knocked off a couple handfuls of Sun Chips, a slice of American cheese and about 12 M&Ms, I am pretty sure I didn't consume the 10,500 additional calories necessary to gain three pounds overnight.

So bite me.

Drink Lots! (But Not During Meals)

Eating without drinking was one of the things I most dreaded about getting this band. I used to drink A LOT of water with my meals. It's been a real adjustment to not have a glass in front of me while I eat. And I'm having trouble remembering to drink at other times, so sometimes I get to the evening and realize I've had about 10 ounces all day. Not ideal.

But the no-drinking-while-eating seems to be one of the most effective band rules, so I'm taking it seriously and sticking with it. I'm sure I'll get used to it at some point. Eating protein first doesn't seem to be a particular challenge, but for some reason I'm nervous about most vegetables. Avocados are my friends right now and I've had cherry tomatoes a few times. But I haven't ventured out beyond that yet.

In other news, I'm reading Game Change, about the 2008 presidential election. It was a birthday gift, and let me tell you - it's awesome. It reads like a gossipy tabloid (how can it not when we're talking about John Edwards, Bill and Hillary and the Palins?) but it makes the reader look like an intellectual because it's about the election. WIN WIN, people.

I'm also reading Push for my book club. It's the book that the movie Precious (haven't seen it) was based on. You know - illiterate 16-year-old tries to better herself while pregnant with her second baby by her father and then finds out she's HIV positive. Kind of a downer. I was dreading reading it but book club is Sunday night and they always have good wine so I figured I better get moving. It's unbelievable, the abuse in it is so horrible. I'd NEVER read it on my own, which is the whole point of a book club I guess (other than the wine). But it really is compelling. I'm only about 1/3 of the way through it, so I will suspend further judgment until I'm done.

Vanessa over at Dinnerland got my lazy ass on the move with a five-day challenge to walk/move/exercise for at least 20 minutes a day. Anyone want to do another challenge with me? Let me know and I'll set it up. (And by 'set it up,' I mean I'll mention it in the next post.)

Confession of a Celebrity Gossip Junkie; and Question of the Day

I seem to be taking a page from Vanessa's book; I woke up at 3.30 am and so far haven't been able to go back to sleep. But I haven't snacked at all, so go me!

Getting back on the wagon yesterday was at times challenging but I'm proud to report that I did well. I avoided the leftover birthday cake and my husband is taking the rest of it into the office. So it's gone. And good riddance, you horrid package of delicious temptation!

I got in my 20 minutes of walking yesterday (Tues) and plan to do 20 minutes on the elliptical later today. I used to have a firm rule that I could only read my two favorite magazines, New York and Vanity Fair, when I was on the elliptical. It made me more likely to hop on so I could get through the latest bits of salacious gossip. Full disclosure: I was a "serious" newspaper reporter, I've been on staff at newspapers in Florida and Maryland, and spent a couple years editing and reporting for the Wall Street Journal Online. Most recently, I was writing occasionally for the New York Times. Then I got preggers, had my third baby in May and life got in the way.

Anyway, the point here is despite my 'serious news' bent, I LOVE trashy celebrity gossip. LOVE LOVE LOVE. I can give you the full Brad/Jen/Angelina timeline without pausing for a breath, but I haven't cracked a page of the health care legislation. So that no-reading-gossip-unless-I'm-on-the-elliptical rule was fairly effective. I might have to reinstate it.

Question of the Day: My LoseIt! app automatically adds however many exercise calories I've burned into my daily calorie allowance. Do you use these calories, or do you stick to your planned intake? Any thoughts on best strategies here?

Back on the Wagon

I wouldn't say I went hog-wild yesterday for my birthday. But I wouldn't say I was a model bandster either; somewhere in between. Oddly, the scale was down a bit today although it was either half a pound, one pound or one and a half pounds. Ah, I do love my scale. So I haven't changed the ticker. We'll see what the verdict is for tomorrow.

I am firmly back on the wagon today; so far I've had some decaf tea, two soft-boiled eggs and half a mushed-up avocado with a little salt. Plus I walked for 20 minutes and I'm thinking I may do some more walking while the older son is at swim practice.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It was a great, relaxing day. I had a mani/pedi and the boys got me a new label maker. What else could a mom ask for? They also, with the hubs' help, made me a cake. (See above.) I am saving pieces for their dessert tonight and then getting rid of the rest of the cake. It torments me.

Glad some of you enjoyed the book reviews; most of those books are geared toward people thinking about having the surgery so they may not be helpful to those of us already banded. But it's information I would have liked to have when I was researching so I figured I'd post it for anyone still in the researching phase.

Enjoy the day - the monsoon we had yesterday is gone, replaced with a patchy blue sky and mild temps. Yay for that!

Birthday Gift and Book Reviews

The scale took pity on me and threw me a bone for my 37th birthday today. I'm down a half pound after seven days of wailing and gnashing teeth.

Today also marks three weeks since my surgery. Putting things in perspective (not a strength of mine), losing 13.5 pounds in three weeks is nothing to sneeze at. Look, I just ended a sentence with a preposition. Let's pretend that didn't happen.

Anyway, I will continue to plug away until my first fill on Feb. 10th and hope that the scale continues to move. My husband says when you've lost a lot of weight in a short period of time, your metabolism slows dramatically and then finds a new balance so you can continue to lose. Also, my period is due in the next week or so, and I've read that women often lose less in the two weeks before their period. Something to do with hormones controlling the force with which food is pushed through the digestive system.

And now, BOOK REVIEW TIME!

I've read four books on weight-loss surgery and banding. They range from really excellent to abysmal.

1. Fighting Weight: How I Achieved Healthy Weight Loss With "Banding" by Khaliah Ali

This is far and away the best book on lap-band I've read. Khaliah Ali is a daughter of the fighting great Muhammad Ali, and she struggled mightily with her weight until she was banded a few years ago. The book combines Ali's memoir of her experiences as an obese single mother and her decision to have surgery with great information from her doctors. The surgeons, George Fielding and Christine Ren of NYU, are the rock stars of banding and WLS in general (and also the doctors of several here in our blogging community). Interspersed throughout the book are sections written by the doctors, covering everything from finding the right doctor and getting insurance coverage to handling social situations and eating in restaurants post-band. Their information is fantastic, and I've found myself going back to this book many many times in the last few months to re-read sections. I highly recommend this one.

2. Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies by Marina Kurian et al.

This book, like most in the Dummies series, is a great resource for those who don't know much about the subject. It covers most of the available procedures, including banding, bypass and duodenal switch (but not the gastric sleeve, as the book was published in 2005). For people trying to decide which surgery will work for them, this explains the procedures and gives a list of pros and cons to each. Marina Kurian is another rock-star surgeon in the weight-loss world - she operated on Al Roker and Star Jones (both bypass patients). At the time the book was published, Kurian was still at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. She has since left to join NYU and now practices with Drs. Fielding and Ren. The book offers some recipes for post-surgery cooking, which are somewhat helpful but are not specific to band patients. Bypass and band post-op diets are not identical, so this can be a bit confusing. The book is also a little out of date and could use a revision and updating, but it generally gives a good overall picture of the options available and explanations of each.

3. Before and After, Revised Edition: Living and Eating Well After Weight-Loss Surgery by Susan Maria Leach

Susan Maria Leach had gastric bypass surgery, and this book combines a memoir with 135 recipes for weight-loss patients. Before and After was recommended to me by someone in my support group, but I have to say I didn't find it very satisfying. Leach mentions banding once or twice, but the book is completely geared toward bypass patients. While band patients have some similar experiences starting out and at goal weight with bypass patients, the process is pretty different. I haven't tried the recipes, but they do look delicious. Leach's book is great for someone getting a bypass but definitely not a must-read for band patients.

4. Outpatient Weight-Loss Surgery by Kent Sasse

If you know anything at all about weight loss surgery and banding - if you've been to an info session or read a few blogs - this book is useless. The last 80 pages are appendices with charts and graphs, and notes citing other sources. The first 220 pages have the widest margins I have ever seen in a published book. And the whole thing is double-spaced. It reminded me of nothing so much as one of my college term papers, desperately trying to stretch three pages of material to 10 pages. The content is basic in the extreme. I don't recommend this one at all, I found it to be a waste of time and money.

That's it for now. If you've read a book you liked or didn't, please post in the comments. I'd love to hear what everyone thinks. Stay well!

5-Day Challenge

For the record, I did my 20 minutes of walking today, Vanessa. It was a crappy day to walk outside and I didn't feel like it but I did 20 minutes on the treadmill. I definitely wouldn't have done it if not for the challenge, so thank you!

Sticky Scale

ARGH.

That should sum it up. The scale continues to read 240, despite mixing up my calorie intake (but still hovering in the 800-1100 calorie range every day) and walking for an hour yesterday. Boy, is this frustrating. I know people don't always lose at this point, but I figured that was because they didn't have good restriction yet so they were eating things they shouldn't or more than they should.

I AM BEING A DREAM BANDER AND I STILL HAVEN'T LOST WEIGHT IN SIX DAYS.

There. I said it. Let me tell you, I have rarely kept to a diet. But I am following all the rules here and I'm stuck in the same spot. It's too early for a plateau, isn't it?

Otherwise, things are going well. I made a delicious scallop recipe from Sally last night. My in-laws were here, and everyone loved it! I served the scallops over a bed of spinach. I was able to eat two scallops and eight or nine very small bites of spinach. Delicious. Thanks Sally!

I am getting a few of my lap-band books together and will be writing a post reviewing each one. Some of them are terrible, and some are awesome. Stay tuned...

Question of the Day

For those of us just starting out, can you please post what one or two things have helped most with your lap-band success?

Crossroads

I hit a crossroads last night. There was a Mom's Night Out at a local restaurant, open bar and passed appetizers for two hours. Before I left I was so busy getting everyone organized that I didn't have a chance to have dinner. I planned to have a few apps and a glass of wine.

I had a sea scallop, three risotto balls and three pieces of shrimp tempura, plus a glass of pinot noir. (Skipped the sliders, pot stickers and spring rolls.)

It was a lot, but I had planned for a high-calorie day. I'm not sure exactly how many calories I consumed with those appetizers; it's hard to tell with food like that. I vigilantly weighed, measured and journaled everything I ate up until then, counted the wine, drank lots of water yesterday, etc.

The thing that kind of scared me was, I felt pretty normal. If I had tried, I might have been able to eat a slider, roll and all. But I am terrified of going down that road, because I think I will end up sabotaging my weight loss and fighting the band at every step of the way.

I need to make a big decision: Am I going forward really focusing on changing my habits and putting to rest my compulsions, or am I going to push the envelope and eat as much as my band will "allow" at any moment?

Last night I did a little of both. I stayed away from the sliders because I didn't want to know if I could get one down.

If I had eaten dinner before I left (or even sipped a protein shake on the way), I could have had a glass of wine and stayed away from the food altogether. That would have been the best choice. It's tricky - I don't want to NEVER eat at functions like that.

The scale showed me up a pound today, which is mathematically impossible since my daily calorie intake hasn't topped 1000 calories more than twice in the 2.5 weeks since my surgery. And it's often been in the 600-800 range. So intellectually I know it's water (fingers are STILL swollen) but that doesn't make it less upsetting.

This leaves me with plenty to ponder. I think I'll take my measurements; hopefully those numbers have gone in the right direction and that will cheer me up a bit and help keep my eyes on the prize.

A New Day, and Question of the Day

The scale is holding steady at 240, much to my dismay. My fingers are also still crazy swollen and my period isn't due for another 10+ days, so no idea what's up with that. We'll see, I guess. I have a water bottle with me much of the time and I sip, sip, sip away at it but I guess I need to do more.

Today is going to be a higher-calorie day. (Yesterday ended up being more than 515, btw, I felt better and had some cottage cheese and the M&Ms.) I am shooting for 1100-1200 calories today, all with "legal" soft foods, of course. It shouldn't be too hard, I have a Mom's Night Out tonight with some girlfriends so a glass of wine will add to my daily tally. But I think a day of higher calorie intake will help shake things up a bit and maybe get the scale moving. Also, it will make me feel c-r-a-z-y eating 1200 calories. My, how things change...

And now, the Question of the Day: How much Biotin do you take for the hair situation? Do you find the pills or the shampoo more helpful? And do you have a favorite brand of Biotin supplements? Where do you get them?

I'm feeling better and I changed out of my whiny pants, so hopefully today's post won't be as much of a downer. Thanks for your sympathy and support, it is so nice to read, especially on days like yesterday.

Whiny McWhinerson

That's me today - whine, whine, whine. I don't feel well, I miss eating toast when I have a stomach bug, I'm tired despite having two (2!) naps, I'm hungry but nothing seems good to me and I've only had 515 calories today and about 700 yesterday but the scale hasn't moved in two days.

I want chocolate. Real chocolate, not sugar-free pudding (which isn't bad, but isn't quite what I'm going for).

I know this band is going to be a great thing for me. It already is - I've lost 13 pounds in 16 days, and 26 pounds total on this journey.

I'm still having a hard time letting go of my old eating habits, though. I haven't eaten anything that isn't allowed on my postop instructions, and I've definitely been within my calorie limits, but boy I still want want want to have the things I used to have.

This is really hard. And I'm not liking it very much today.

UPDATE: I had 0.5 oz of M&Ms. Satisfied my chocolate craving. Counted the calories in my log. Feeling just fine with it.

First Doctor Visit

I think I may have a stomach bug. Yesterday and today I am EXHAUSTED, way more than normal. I could just sleep and sleep and sleep. I've been nauseated on and off. I also feel on the verge of tears.

My visit with the surgeon was fine, nothing exciting. Everything's healing well, he was very happy with my weight loss and scheduled me for a barium swallow and first fill in three weeks.

Here's the problem: The hubs is traveling that day, and I need him to do the school runs/ child care. Now I have to reschedule it which isn't so easy because it means coordinating the surgeon's schedule with the radiology department's schedule AND with the hubs' travel schedule. Sigh.

In short, a blah kind of day.

Counting Calories

I know the band is supposed to free me from dieting and calorie counting, but keeping track of my calorie intake has been oddly comforting for me. I guess it's because I can see that I'm satisfied on so many fewer calories than pre-band. I've been faithfully measuring and weighing to make sure I relearn appropriate portion sizes.

We had 15 members of the hubs' family over on Sunday for Chinese takeout, the Golden Globes red carpet and some football (on the smaller kitchen TV - big TV reserved for red carpet fashions, obvs). Not many of them know about the band, so I wasn't sure how it would go.

I don't really like Chinese food and they all know that, so I don't think it was too strange that I made a separate dinner for myself. I had a glass of wine, a cube of port salut (soft) cheese and 1/4 c. of ricotta with 1/2 c. of tomato sauce baked in the toaster oven (yum!). I faithfully logged everything and came in just under my 1000 calorie self-limit for the day. Very happy about that.

Yesterday was fun and relaxing. The hubs and I saw Sherlock Holmes, I did a little cooking and everyone just chilled and played.

I woke up with my fingers all crazy swollen, and the scale showed me up .5 pound. Lousy piece of... ;) Since I could barely get my rings on, I'm assuming it's all water retention, so drinking lots today and hoping to pee it all out soon.

Thanks to everyone who answered my question yesterday about whether your significant other or family reads your blog. My husband said he's happy for me to use this as a place to vent, ask questions and hang with the band girls without worrying that he'll be checking in.

Tomorrow is my first follow-up visit with the surgeon. Wondering when he'll schedule my first fill...

Question of the Day

Good morning everyone!

My husband knows I have a blog, but so far he hasn't read it. I'd be happy for him to read it in a month or two, when I'm a little further down the scale, but for now I feel awkward having him know how much I weigh. He's been supportive and encouraging through this whole process, but I just feel like the numbers are too much information at this point.

Question of the Day: Do your spouses/significant others/family members know about your blog, and do they read it?

Restriction... I Think

I keep hearing about Bandster Hell, and I am terrified of it and dreading it, because I have no willpower. Seriously. None. That's why I got this thing in the first place.

Tomorrow marks two weeks since my surgery and I seem to have some restriction. Maybe it's some residual swelling from surgery? I don't care, I'm just happy. I am honestly not very hungry (watch, tomorrow I'll wake up starving), and when I am hungry I'm satisfied by very small portions - 1/4 c. cottage cheese, 1/4 c. yogurt, 6 oz. tomato soup or a protein shake.

I've been tracking my calories on Lose It!, because at my support group meeting the social worker mentioned we should be shooting for 850-900 calories during the early healing/weight loss stage. I realized I didn't know how many calories I'd been taking in (although I was still on clear liquids, so no big worries there).

On Monday I had about 1,100 calories. On Tuesday it was 983, and stayed below that Wednesday and Thursday. On Friday and Saturday I didn't even hit 700 calories. Today I'm back up to almost a thousand.

I really wasn't restricting calories, just logging what I ate. I ate (drank) when I was hungry, stopped when I was full, and was satisfied.

What a crazy concept.

I'm officially on mushies now, so I imagine it will be harder to keep the calories on the low end since I have so many more foods to choose from. I'm planning to ride this wave as long as I can, though.

~ Dos Caminos ~

Today was my first real post-band restaurant experience. I was in New York City with a friend (looking for her wedding dress, yay)! After shlepping around SoHo we stopped in for a late brunch at Dos Caminos. I was there in mid-December and ate nearly everything on my plate, plus chips, salsa and guacamole.

Boy, was today different.

First of all, I haven't had any food I could chew until today. I found a dish on the menu with poached eggs and swiped some of my friend's black beans (don't know if they were refried or just mashed, but they were mushy - perfect texture).

It was great, and it was tough.

What I ordered: Quesadilla Benedict - ham, cheese and black bean quesadilla, poached eggs, roasted poblano hollandaise. My meal came with a huge portion of breakfast potatoes on the side.

What I ate: one poached egg and about a tablespoon of black beans, plus half a forkful of guacamole. I was full after that, truly full. But that doesn't mean I was mentally ready to stop eating.

What I wanted to eat: All of it. Seriously. It looked sooooo good. Lucky for me, all of your blogger voices and advice (SLOW. TEENY BITES. STOP EARLY) were reverberating in my mind, and good sense prevailed. I stopped.

It's a whole new world.

It Fits!!

MY ENGAGEMENT RING FITS!!!!

Based on the scale reading this morning, I retrieved it from the safe it's been hiding in for more than a year. My fingers swelled during pregnancy last year and then I never lost enough weight for my ring to fit. I tried it a couple of times, but no go. Today it slid right on. (Wedding ring is 1/2 size bigger, so it fit sooner.)

This was the first goal I really wanted to hit, so I'm thrilled.

I {Heart} My Scale, and Question of the Day

I can't even believe I was talkin' trash about my poor scale. It went back and forth, back and forth the other day and then today consistently put me down another two pounds.

I LOVE THAT THING!

I did go to Bed, Bath & Beyond to pick up another, supplemental, scale that has more precise measurements. I'm totally sure this won't end up being some kind of unhealthy obsession, hmmmm.

The eating (drinking) is going well, I'm still working my way through an indulgent nonfat orange mango banana Starbucks Vivanno (260 cal, 15g protein, although I ask for extra protein powder) that I picked up a couple of hours ago.

So here's the thing: I'm 11 days post surgery and I feel good, just about back to normal but maybe a little more tired. I do not, however, have **any** desire to exercise at all right now. I have a pretty good exercise history. In my 20s, I walked and then trotted and then started full-out jogging. I ran a marathon, joined the New York Road Runners club and did a bunch of races with them. I have almost always maintained (and used) a gym membership. In 2004, I trained for and finished three triathlons.

I am still so tired, though. The thought of starting to exercise at this high weight (243 today) just makes me want to go to bed.

Question of the day: When did you start exercising?

UPDATE: Had to ditch the new scale. It turned on once, gave me a helluva scare (+3 pounds!) and then refused to turn back on. That's what I get for trying to do the two-scale thing. Lesson learned.

O Beano, Where Art Thou?

Hi everyone! Great day here, my pain has mostly subsided, even the shoulder pain.

I am LOVING the Lose It! app on my phone, it's so easy to keep track of how many calories and protein grams I'm taking in. So far today I've had 817 calories, and I may or may not have some Jello before bed. I'm currently obsessed with Chobani nonfat yogurt with a spoonful of honey. Yummm.

The only bummer today: I blended up a can of black bean soup and split it between lunch and dinner. Great, except I need to get some Beano reallllly soon. My husband is lucky he's 3,000 miles away because it's rumbly in my tummy.

Sorry, that's really bad manners. I am totally uncouth.

As always, thanks for stopping by. Have a great night - you guys are the best!

Hinky Scale - What Kind Do You Have?

My scale was all kinds of hinky this morning. And I'm not just saying that because it wasn't showing the 105 I think it should show.

I have a THINNER brand (ha!) digital that goes in .5 pound increments. We've had it for, I don't know, eight or nine years? Something like that. I can step on it five times in a row and get five different weights. Usually within a two-pound range, but now that I am watching so closely, two pounds makes a difference.

This morning I got on the scale a few times and it showed two pounds down, then 1.5 pounds down, then the same as Sunday and then 1 pound down. I had my son get on it a few times and his weight was consistent. Then I got on it again twice and it showed 1 pound down, so I gave myself credit for the 1 pound.

All this is to say: Do you have a scale you really like? If you do, what brand is it? I might be in the market for a new one.

On the recovery front, I feel just about normal today. No pain meds at all yesterday or today, and my port incision doesn't sting like the dickens when I bend over. Yay for normal!

Dear Food, I Miss You

I'm really nervous that I am going to be a big fat band failure.

I keep hearing people say they weren't hungry after surgery. I guess technically I'm not hungry but I WANT TO EAT. Really, I do. I want a burger and a buttery bagel and even a big salad. And all kinds of other things that I won't mention here because I don't want to be responsible for triggering anyone else's binge.

Big exhale.

I guess this is food grief. I expected to feel it, but not to this extent. I mean, I'm not driving around town sobbing and playing cheesy love songs that remind me of my last Wendy's #1 meal or anything. But I'm mortified to find how deep this problem - addiction, really - actually is for me.

I keep reminding myself that this is part of the process, for some bandsters at least, and that I will come through stronger and (please God) skinnier.

Today was much better in terms of my eating. I faithfully logged every single thing I put into my mouth, and I'm on target for protein and calories. But it was a struggle. I'm not going to go eat something that could harm the band or my stomach. But that is the ONLY thing keeping me from doing it. Which is why I had this surgery in the first place, right?

Why Are Children Morning People?*

My 4-year-old came in at 5.50 am to tell me he didn't know why his clock didn't say 6.00. I could barely form words, but he got the gist and went back to his room for another 15 minutes.

How many days til the hubs comes home on Thursday? My head is all muddled.

*This post unrelated to band or weight loss.

I Ate All Day

OK, so it wasn't totally crazy - no more than 1000 calories. But still, that's a lot for someone who's only a week out from surgery, isn't it?

Today I just felt like I wanted to eat a lot. Some of it was hunger, some of it was... wanting to eat. Everything I had was allowed on my diet, but I had a lot more of it than I've had post-surgery thus far. I really hope it was just a blip and not a sign of bandster hell already. It's wayyyy too soon for that.

I downloaded the Lose It! app to my iphone and started logging everything I put into my mouth. I always wish later that I could remember what I ate on an average day when my weight was in a healthy range. I'm hoping this will give me a reference tool to look back to when I hit plateaus or wonder if I'm off course.

I also went to the hospital support group this evening. I was the youngest person by about 10 years, but everyone was so nice, full of tips and reassurances.

Good night, everyone! Dream thin thoughts...

Full Liquids

I'm (officially) on FULL liquids. Crazy how that opens up all kinds of menu options when you've been mostly on clear liquids. I had some Cream of Wheat this morning with my tea. I was able to eat about 1/8 of a serving, thinned out a lot with extra milk. But it was really good.

Last night I adapted an idea from LBT and blended lowfat cottage cheese (allowed on full liquids) into a V8 roasted red pepper soup and then thinned it out a bit with some chicken stock. Result: DELICIOUS, creamy, protein-filled soup. Highly recommend it.

This morning I was awakened at 6.10 am by DS2, who in his four and a half years has virtually never wavered on his wakeup time. The kid has an unbelievable body clock, and almost always wakes up between 5.30 and 6 am, no matter when he goes to bed. As soon as he could identify numbers, we put a clock in his room and told him he couldn't come get us until SIX-OH-OH. He was a tad late this morning because he had to get dressed first.

So I've already gotten through my mug of tea and a few bites of Cream of Wheat.

Have a skinny day everyone, and good luck to Vanessa for her first day back at work!

Buh-BYE, Twenty Pounds!

It's official: I've lost 20 pounds from my highest weight at my surgical consult in October.

YAYYYYYYY!

I'm so happy about that. My clothes are a little looser, and my foot pain has gotten much, much better. My plantar fasciitis had become a real problem, I limped every time I stood up and getting out of bed in the morning was brutal. I'm thrilled it's so much better, and I'm sure it's mostly because I've lost those pounds. (BTW, I've lost 7 pounds since surgery on Monday, so most of the weight was before surgery.)

This afternoon I cleaned out my closet. All my maternity clothes are packed up and ready to donate, and all the clothes that were too beat up are in the garbage. Now I know what's in my closet - some of it fits, most of it doesn't. I am looking forward to getting back into the lovely things I've grown out of over the last several years.

My mom and husband left for Florida and San Francisco earlier today. I was sad to say goodbye. I felt so cared for and so loved when they were here taking care of me. The hubs will be back on Thursday, but I won't see my mom until April. I just hope the next time I see her she'll really be able to tell that I've lost some weight. My mom and sister are both very, very slim (neither weighs more than 110 pounds) and they have been my biggest cheerleaders. They're the BEST!

One more week of liquids...

QUESTION FOR VETERANS: What was your favorite full liquid?

Recovery Continues

I'm feeling better every day, just working on stamina now. I've focused on getting as much sleep as possible this week to keep the healing moving along. Just like Vanessa over at Dinnerland , I still have intermittent left shoulder pain, and my port incision is sore particularly when I bend over or twist in certain ways. It also tends to hurt when my baby kicks it. Go figure.

I spent a lot of time yesterday reading Sally's blog, which is a FANTASTIC resource for anyone who wants a comprehensive view of a successful lap-band experience. (Thanks Cara for pointing me there.) There are so many great blogs from people who share their experiences, and Sally's is excellent.

Reading about everyone's experiences has been an important part of my recovery from surgery. When I am sooooo tired of broth or thin soup it's great to hear about the delicious meals everyone is enjoying. It helps me remember that the liquids phase isn't forever. I love hearing that banders often don't miss the foods they don't have anymore, it's comforting when I'm craving a burger even though I'm not physically hungry.

The scale continues to move in the right direction, for which I am grateful. Sally strongly recommended daily journaling, which is sort of what I've been using this blog for. But I haven't been using the journal as a food diary, so I guess I should get moving on that.

I start full liquids tomorrow, although truth be told I've had a few in the last few days. Protein shakes are more palatable to me than the clear Isopure drinks, and the nutritionist gave me the OK on those. Last night for dinner I had V8 roasted red pepper soup that I thinned out a bit with some chicken stock.

I'm in a decent routine now - I have a mug of decaf Twinings Lady Grey tea when I wake up, followed by a protein shake an hour or so later. Lunch is some kind of soup (yesterday it was the broth from matzo ball soup at a diner with my mom and all three kids), another protein shake midafternoon and soup for dinner. Then maybe some jello, and sips of water through the day.

My mom heads back to Florida in a few hours, and the hubs leaves later this afternoon for a business trip to San Francisco. I'll have some help here but it won't be the luxuriousness I had this week. Ah well, I enjoyed it while it lasted!

Tomorrow night I'm going to the hospital's bariatric support group. Hoping it'll be helpful, I'll let you know.

QUESTION FOR VETERANS: What was your favorite full liquid? And does Cream of Wheat count? I emailed my nutritionist but haven't heard back yet.

Hope you're all well!

I WANT A PIECE OF TOAST.

That is all.

Veteran Bandsters, What Can't You Eat?

As I mentally review the meals I routinely make for dinner, I'm wondering which ones I'll have to take out of the rotation. Salad? Risotto? Which meats do you have trouble with, or not?

I can't have regular solids till Feb. 1st, so I'm not entirely sure why I'm thinking about this now. Maybe it's because I can't have solids till Feb. 1st!

As far as recovery, I find that I'm tiring very easily. I did two errands today and needed an hour-long nap when I got home. My left-shoulder pain seems to come back anytime I'm active - showering and getting dressed, doing errands, carrying the baby. I'm hoping it dissipates soon, but I seem to remember Catherine saying her pain came back intermittently for a few months at least. And I only have three Toradol left! AHHH.

The nutritionist told me if clear liquids were driving me nuts I could go to full, thin liquids. So for lunch today I thinned out some potato leek soup with chicken stock and it was delicious! So far, I've had a cup of decaf tea in the morning, a protein shake, some water, about 1/2 c. of thinned soup and am now on my second (and final) protein shake of the day. Some kind of thinned soup for dinner tonight, I'm sure.

It's funny, even though I've lost 16.5 pounds since my surgery consult in October, my jeans aren't loose at my waist. In the legs and butt (hallelujah for that, my butt is ginormous) they're bigger but not the waist. I guess I'm still swollen in the abdomen from my surgery? Ah well, all in good time.

I haven't taken formal "before" pictures yet, so I'll be doing that tonight. Not sure when I'll have the courage to post them, though.

And I have 23 followers now! That just makes me grin. Thanks for joining me on this crazy journey.

Day 3 Post-Op: Feeling Better

GOOD MORNING, BLOGGERS!! And blog readers, of course. ;)

Things seem to be normalizing here; I slept pretty well without waking up for pain medication. My sons were up at 5.30 am (whaaa???) but I stayed in bed and let my husband handle that, bless him. I felt well enough to put my baby to bed last night, which is a milestone since she weighs 18 pounds and getting her into and out of the crib requires me to bend over the rail.

My mom is leaving in a couple days, which is sad because we've all so enjoyed having her here. I'm getting lots of rest and sleep now because next week I fly solo with the household and kids, school pickups and dropoffs and making dinners, etc. I'm desperately banking my sleep!

I ended up having a shake yesterday (with permission from my surgeon's nutritionist), which bumped my protein intake up and freed me from the dreaded Isopure drinks. Last night I strained a can of Campbell's French Onion soup and had about 1/3 c. for dinner (while everyone else at the table tucked into pasta, meatballs, garlic bread and salad).

Today I'm planning to go out and tackle some errands. Oh, but before that I'm going to weigh in. I'm trying to be all Zen about this, but frankly my dear if I don't lose some el-bees during this hellish clear liquids phase, someone's got some 'splaining to do.

**UPDATE**
Scale says I've lost 3.5 pounds since morning of the surgery, for a total of 16.5 pounds down since my surgery consult in early October. Still a long way to go, but ... YAYYYYY!

A Reprieve!

The nutritionist tells me I can add protein shakes and milk to the clear liquid diet, which makes me feel a lot better. Now I can get some protein in from something other than the super-sweet Isopure drinks. I bought a shake mix that has 24 grams of protein in one scoop, plus the 8 grams in the cup of skim milk I mixed it with. That will make getting enough protein much easier.

I walked at the mall (too cold and icy to walk outside here) for about an hour this morning. It was nice to be out and about again, and I think getting back to my usual routine will help put the dietary restrictions out of my mind a bit.

My husband is going to be out of town all next week, so I am hiring a high school student to come help out for the crazed dinner/homework/cleanup/bedtime/fussy baby part of the day. It's a relief to know I won't be flying solo for that.

I hope you're all staying warm!

Clear Liquids for a Week?

Greetings from the land of hunger headaches and growling tummies!

I really did resolve not to whine about this surgery, since I'm the one who got myself into this mess. I never thought this would be a piece of cake (ha), but my doctor requires a week of clear liquids after the surgery, which seems like cruel and unusual punishment. According to his schedule, no full liquids for me until Monday, Jan. 11th.

On Tuesday I took in three low-carb Isopure drinks (total 45g protein, 180 calories), some sugar-free Jell-O, about 1/4 c. of broth from miso soup, sips of water and pain medication. I have a horrendous hunger headache that the medicine isn't touching and can't sleep because of it.

Is this normal?

Free Food!

Well, this is kind of funny. I didn't fully appreciate it at the time, but last night we had groceries delivered. It wasn't until we were unloading everything that my husband asked me why I ordered so much meat and we realized we'd gotten an extra couple of grocery bags. I guess the delivery guy got confused. I called Peapod and the customer service rep said we should keep it - a pot roast, chicken, hamburger meat, roast beef deli meat and American cheese, tortillas, organic eggs and organic milk.

How's that for ironic? I'm sitting here sipping protein drinks and Jell-O as our fridge is bursting with food.

My mom is using the chicken tonight for a stir fry and we are distributing the rest of the meat among family and friends.

Timing is everything.

Big Gulps

I set my alarm for 1.45 am to take my pain medicine overnight, and without thinking took a big gulp of water with it. As soon as I swallowed I realized what I had done, and oh my goodness was I nervous everything including the pill would come shooting back out.

It didn't, but I could hear and feel the glug-glug-glug of it gradually going through the pouch. And then I thought oh my god, what the hell have I done? I can't even take a big sip of water! This is crazy.

I know this feeling is fairly normal and I'm trying to stay positive and remember that I will feel normal again and I will be able to eat meals with my family and drink a whole glass of water at one sitting at some point. But for now it feels so strange. And I'm not loving it.

I also am a lot more sore today, which is to be expected since I don't have the benefit of the anesthesia and IV morphine that I had yesterday. The second day after surgery is usually the worst for me, so I will stay on top of the meds today, make sure I get as much of that godawful Isopure as I need to keep protein levels up, walk and take a nap later. And hope the day passes as quickly as possible.

I'll also try to remember all the positives: My mom and sister are here handling the household and children, my husband has been in and out whenever I need him and I got a good night's sleep last night. Oh, and I am finally banded! So the journey begins toward a healthier life.

B-b-b-b-BANDED!

I'm officially in the cool-kids club now, with my very own Allergan band (as is my band-buddy Vanessa )! Everything went well with my surgery this morning, I have the notorious shoulder pain and a very sore abdomen and a crazy dry throat and mouth but otherwise I can't complain much.

I had some nausea after the surgery, so they added more meds for that in my IV (in addition to what they gave me during surgery) and it helped a bit. I was so scared to throw up, but so far, so good.

When my surgeon came in to wheel me to the OR, I asked how he was feeling and he said, "Ah, pretty shaky but I'm sure I'll be fine in an hour or so." Har har. I had a small hiatal hernia that he fixed, which will help in explaining the surgery to the nursery school moms. ;)

I came home around 1.30 pm and took a two-hour nap, so I'm a little behind on the fluids. My doctor told me 2 oz every hour, which is agonizingly slow when you're so thirsty. I've had mostly ice chips and water, but I had an ounce of IsoPure as well.


My husband is getting some miso soup for me to have for "dinner." He set the table. Guess which place is mine?

Now I need to get up and walk around for a few minutes.

I can't tell you how much all your good wishes mean to me. Thank you thank you thank you!

Clear Liquids All Day

Today is THE LAST DAY (dunh dunh dunh). I'm on clear liquids all day, which I've never had to do before. Better get used to it, though. I just pulled out the case of Isopure I ordered a few weeks ago, and I'll be cracking one of those open in a few minutes. I may take my baby to the mall so we can walk around and not be home near the kitchen, if there's time.

My goals for the day: Stick to the clear liquids (which won't be too hard, as the surgery is first thing tomorrow and I really don't want to mess anything up); get the kids and house ready for my absence tomorrow and recovery next week; make sure I'm really hydrated and, um, going into the surgery with a clear digestive system. I shaved my legs this morning to make sure I don't have any open nicks when I'm at the germ-filled hospital. I'm picking out something comfy to wear, and making a list of previous surgeries for the anesthesiologist.

THANK YOU to everyone for your kindness and encouragement. My family has been very supportive but I think they're kind of nervous and not sure about this. Reading your blogs and hearing about your successes has given me a lot to think about and look forward to. Best to all of you as everyone goes back to work, school and regular routines tomorrow.

Dreaming Dreams

I had a vivid, vivid dream last night that I was saying goodbye to an old friend, someone I really cared about and would miss terribly. (I swear I'm not making this up.) I was incredibly sad during the whole dream, trying to stay a little longer. I felt a heavy sadness in my chest.

Jeesh, I wonder what that's all about?

{I was going to link to Susan Boyle's "I Dreamed a Dream" here - so clever! - but couldn't figure out how to do it.}

In other news, I got a Cuisinart hand blender for Christmas. Very handy, easy to clean, even blends ice well. I can recommend it as a good bandster tool. In fact, I'm enjoying a frothy chocolate shake right now.

Just today and tomorrow, then on to surgery. I mentioned last night to the boys that I was going to the hospital Monday so the doctor could fix something in my tummy that would help me be healthier. They couldn't have been less interested, which was a relief. I didn't want to get into great detail with them about it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Well, here we are in a new year and new decade. My kids were a little confused by all the fuss, as they woke up and everything seemed pretty much the same as yesterday.

I was paging through this week's People magazine this morning, with the usual New Year's Half Their Size! - without pills or surgery! feature. I truly admire what the people in the magazine have accomplished. It's huge, and it's something I have not been able to maintain in my life.

But it's amazing to me how much people consider surgery to be a copout, or the easy way out. Anyone who's ever gone through the battery of doctor's appointments, tests and insurance company hoops, and then faced general anesthesia, recovery, weeks of liquids and mushies and a whole new lifestyle knows the surgery route is no walk in the park.

Bottom line: I would love to have been one of the people who lost a lot of weight and kept it off through sheer willpower and discipline. I've lost 75 pounds once and 50 pounds once and gained it all back plus some bonus pounds. It took some courage to admit to myself that I can't do this alone. I don't feel like I'm taking the easy way out. I feel like I'm taking the only way out.