I'm really nervous that I am going to be a big fat band failure.
I keep hearing people say they weren't hungry after surgery. I guess technically I'm not hungry but I WANT TO EAT. Really, I do. I want a burger and a buttery bagel and even a big salad. And all kinds of other things that I won't mention here because I don't want to be responsible for triggering anyone else's binge.
Big exhale.
I guess this is food grief. I expected to feel it, but not to this extent. I mean, I'm not driving around town sobbing and playing cheesy love songs that remind me of my last Wendy's #1 meal or anything. But I'm mortified to find how deep this problem - addiction, really - actually is for me.
I keep reminding myself that this is part of the process, for some bandsters at least, and that I will come through stronger and (please God) skinnier.
Today was much better in terms of my eating. I faithfully logged every single thing I put into my mouth, and I'm on target for protein and calories. But it was a struggle. I'm not going to go eat something that could harm the band or my stomach. But that is the ONLY thing keeping me from doing it. Which is why I had this surgery in the first place, right?
I imagine I will be feeling the same way after surgery. I may not be physically hungry but the smell of a hamburger or baking cookies will probably be triggering for me. I think the thing to remember here is that ultimately we will come out on the other side of this successful. AND if we happen to mess up, we have got to forgive ourselves, learn from the mistake, and move on. I hope that this soon passes for you.
ReplyDeleteKristin..trust the process and you will do fantastic. This is a MAJOR change from what you've been use to, what you've been using as a source of comfort and soothing so to not be able to go to that comfort is going to play with your head but YES you will get through it. What helped me when I was just dying for a bite of choclate or a sip of soda at the begginning was that I took a picture of me full monty ( 269) and a picture of what I looked like in high school ( 145) and put them side by side on the fridge door with a note that said " Go ahead choose which one you want to be ??" let me tell you it worked every single time !!
ReplyDeleteYou know I understand the food grief! Just remember, not right now cause you are only one week out, but in a few weeks you can have the stuff you love, just a little less and a lot slower!
ReplyDeleteYou will get through this, I promise! Today I had a perfect day, planning my meals ahead was a big help!
Hang in there Kristen! It is rough to recover and I am having my own difficulties as well...we'll get through this.
ReplyDeleteVanessa
I think when you are able to eat mushies and solid foods it helps! I know the liquids can drive you batty! It get's better
ReplyDeleteIt will get better when you can really eat again, I promise! It is hard. I went through a lot of thinking about my own addiction/compulsions about food, and had some rough days. It is necessary to go through this, I think, and in the end you will come out a happier person, not so dependent on food.
ReplyDeleteYou will get there!
Thanks so much, you guys. You're awesome.
ReplyDeleteKristin,
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying your blog so much. Not that I relish in your struggles. But the line about sobbing in your car listening to cheesy music - HAHAHA! I did that once! I was about 19 and found out that "boyfriend" was seeing some other girl. I considered him my BF even though we only went out 3 or 4 times. I drove around listening to Alanis Morrisette's 'You outta know' on repeat and full volume and screamed my heart out. Oh, the drama of being 19, everything was life or death.
Ok, back to my tea and reading your blog :)