New World Order in Our Relationships

I've read a few blogs lately where relationships are shifting as a result of this huge weight loss we're all experiencing. I commented on one that it's kind of like when the Cold War ended and all of a sudden all hell broke loose in Eastern Europe.

For many of us, our weight was the Soviet Union, the #1 concern of our daily lives. We still functioned and worked and had friendships and vacations and took care of our families, but the general focus of many of our thoughts was weight, our frustration with it, the things we were missing out on because of it, etc.

As the weight falls away, the New World Order emerges and we begin to focus on other areas of our lives (Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia, I'm looking at you!). That's when we realize that resolving the BIG ISSUE doesn't magically solve the other problems in our lives, including relationship problems that may have been lurking under the surface.

Most of us have read or heard from our surgeons that divorce rates are higher for WLS patients. Sometimes it's because the patient decides s/he *can* do better and doesn't have to spend the rest of her life in a bad situation, sometimes it's because the spouse can't cope with the massive change. Sometimes the patient goes crazy and wants to have the 20s she never had, drinking and partying and flirting.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. If your relationships is rock-solid before you lose weight, you'll be even better afterward because you'll be happier which will make your partner happier. On the other side, if cracks are showing they could easily turn into fault lines.

Now, don't go thinking I'm divorcing my husband and running off with the mailman. We've been married for nine years and we love each other. No relationship is perfect, but I don't see any major problems arising from my weight loss. I wonder sometimes how it might affect us, though. Pretty sure the Hubs is hoping it means he scores more often.

I do think this is important enough to discuss here, though. That's why I'm writing about it today, and I want to hear what you all think about it.

Have you run into this? Does it concern you? If you have experienced this, what did you do to shore up your relationship?

My Pants Fit!

In 2007 I was on a phentermine and Wellbutrin diet (works like a charm until you stop taking the meds, btw) and lost a bunch of weight before my sister's wedding. I also worked out like a fiend, going to the gym at 6 am Monday-Friday for six months.

Anyway, I had a bunch of summery pants from that summer sitting in my drawer. I tried one pair a few weeks ago and it was a no-go. It's supposed to be 90ish today, so I tried again and they FIT. Comfortably!

The scale is still up a pound from my lowest, but I'm trying to be all Zen about it.

Maybe I'll even swim some laps today...

Is It Time for a Freak-Out?

I had a big eating day. Which can mean one of two things:

1. The unfill just kicked in and I don't have good restriction and I am going to wreak havoc with my pretty decent weight loss.
2. It's around the same time of the month that I typically see a surge in hunger and eating.

I think it's #2. Which means it should go away after a day or two. But so far today I've had:
B: zone bar
L: bean burrito (minus the tortilla) at local Mexican restaurant, plus 20 chips and salsa and about a tablespoon of guac
D: portobello gardenburger with 1 slice American cheese, tomato and mozzarella with balsamic vinegar

And frosting from a cupcake. Oh, and two (2) Cadbury Creme Eggs. They've been in my fridge for more than a week, untouched.

Ugh.

Also, I really need to start exercising. What a lazybones.

Hungry Hungry Hippo

Well, I'm not a hippo but for some reason the name of that game (remember the commercial jingle?) popped into my head as I started to write about being hungry today. Maybe not hungry exactly, but in a snackin' kind of mood. It hasn't been a train wreck, but there's been more eating today than in recent days.

The rehearsal dinner and wedding were just beautiful. Great weather, fun people, good music and great food - couldn't ask for anything more. I'm exhausted today, going to head to bed soon.

I started the bathing suit challenge at 233.5 and ended today at 218.5 -- a loss of 15 pounds in less than two months. I'm happy with that, and ready to jump into another challenge. I'm 2.5 pounds from 50... let's hope this is a big-losing week.

Our Friend Barbara Needs Our Love & Support Right Now

Hi everyone,

Barbara has just gotten some terrible news from her husband's doctors. Please send some love and good wishes her way.

We love you, Barbara.

xoxo

Sweeeeeeeeeet

Well, if this is the sweet spot then I am loving it.

The difference between being overfilled and being in my sweet spot is like night and day. When I was overfilled, I couldn't stop thinking about food, worrying about what I could eat, feeling frustrated and bitter that I couldn't have what I wanted because I'd throw it up, be uncomfortable, etc.

Since I had a little unfill on Tuesday, it's as if the thoughts of food have been wiped from my mind. It's not that I *never* think about it, but it really is just like a breath of fresh air. I feel like a slate has been wiped clean. My hunger has been minimal, and my meals (as long as I take them slowly and chew well) have been satisfying and pleasurable. And the scale starting moving - down - again.

This morning the scale showed that I've sustained the losses of the last few days, which was a nice surprise. I had expected a bounce.

I did have a head hunger/stress eating episode today, but my band prevented me from doing any real damage, pulling in the reins so I couldn't eat many calories. I don't feel guilty about it, I'm not castigating myself over my weakness and failure, etc, as I usually do. It happened, I really need to work on finding another way to handle stress, but no major harm was done.

I'm really going to have to drink A LOT of water tomorrow and Saturday; we have a rehearsal dinner on Friday night and wedding reception on Saturday night -- not ideal conditions for going into the final weigh-in of the Bathing Suit Challenge. I know Joey and Gilly have a lock on the winning spot, but I want to have a good showing!

I know the sweet spot can be as elusive as a unicorn, so I am going to enjoy it as long as I have it.

Finally, some of my comments on your blogs have been disappearing. No idea why. But if I usually comment and haven't been, you can assume that I wrote something incredibly thoughtful and insightful and upbeat about your latest post, and it just got lost in a cyberspace black hole. ;)

Singing and Dancing

That's how I feel today, at least in terms of my band - like singing and dancing. It is such a relief to not be scared to death to eat. And I know this sounds crazy, but my hunger and food thoughts fell through the floor as soon as that teeeeny bit of fluid was taken out of my band. I ate decently today, but I didn't have the mental torment (OK, that's dramatic; mental distraction is more accurate) that I often find I have.

The scale showed another pound gone this morning. I fully expect a giant BOUNCE tomorrow morning but right now I am 2.5 pounds away from hitting 50 pounds down. So looking forward to that.

Funny NSV today - our contractor stopped by to check on work he did to fix some storm damage on our house. He's an older guy, maybe late 60s, really nice. He kept looking at me funny as he was leaving, then he said, "Have you lost weight?" I smiled and said yes, I've been trying. And then he said, "Wow. Yeah, you've lost A LOT."

It was kind of awkward and totally charming at the same time.

I also went to my son's first grade concert this morning, and two of the parents there noticed that I've lost weight.

So that's all good. Keep your fingers crossed for me that hunger (real and imagined) stays away.

AHHHHHHHHH

Sweet relief! Just got back from doctor's office, he took out 0.25 cc's so I'm back to 5.5 cc's in my band. He was nice and concerned but seemed to be feeling me out to see if I just wanted to have an eating party. I told him I thought the simpler and more likely explanation is that my band was too tight. I would have preferred him to take 0.1 cc's and he suggested 0.5 cc's so we compromised on 0.25.

I'll be taking it easy but now at least I feel like as long as I'm careful I won't be throwing up. Please dear Lord don't let me throw up anymore.

I'm a little worried that I'll gain weight, but I'll just have to be extra careful. I hope that by taking some of the fluid out I will be at or near my sweet spot rather than into the red, overfilled zone.

I lost two pounds overnight, I'm sure from getting sick but I'm officially in the two-teens (by a half pound, but still...). For now, anyway. I'm counting it.

She's Not Really That Stupid, Is She?

Yes! Yes, I really am that stupid.

Had a vomiting episode this afternoon, called my surgeon to see if I can get an unfill (still haven't heard back). Decided to take it easy, had nothing for a few hours, then a few sips of water, then a baby spoon of hummus, then some cream of chicken soup.

I should have stopped there and gone to bed. Things would have been just fine if I'd done that.

Instead, I decided since all those things went down OK, it would be fine to have an artichoke. You can guess how that went - it was so awful my eyeballs are sore.

Side note: I'm kind of obsessed about this, and I don't really know why because I already have a band so there's no going back now. But when people describe a PB (productive burp) in posts or on LapBandTalk, I always envisioned coughing up some food. What I'm experiencing is full-on vomiting, without the nausea but with violent heaving. Is this how the regurgitation goes for you? It's sooooo not what I imagined. And it sooooo sucks.

I'm going to try to get in for a little unfill tomorrow. I don't know what happened, how my band got so much tighter than it was. But it sucks. AND I'M NOT LOSING WEIGHT.

VROOOOOOM!

This morning I notice that I am half hungry for the crab leftovers from dinner last night but at the same time I'm borderline nauseated. Not in a big way, just on a low level.

SO. WEIRD. And annoying.

Forgot to say, at the birthday party on Friday I obviously couldn't have pizza so I ordered a meatball sandwich and ate one of the meatballs. It worked great for me, I took tiny bites but was still able to sit with everyone and eat. Someone else polished off the rest of the sandwich and I had a small slice of cake later. I was happy that I could feel like I was joining in the party without going overboard or, worse, trying to eat pizza and spending half the time in the bathroom throwing up.

The Hubs left for a three-day business trip, which will include a NASCAR-style driving course for all the firm's partners. The most senior partner has an adventure streak a mile long. Last year they went hot-air ballooning and whitewater rafting in Colorado Springs.

My husband is the least excitement-seeking person I've ever met in my life. He doesn't drink or gamble or dance (except with the kids). His one nonfamily hobby is playing bridge. I laugh every time I think about him driving a race car.

Rough Band Day

The birthday celebration was awesome, although the birthday girl was pretty clueless about what was going on. She enjoyed her taste of chocolate frosting, and her brothers had the time of their lives "helping" her open her gifts.

I haven't had any PB or even much in the way of stuck problems since April 25. Well, I broke my streak today and it was awful. I was giving the baby some turkey lunch meat, and I had a few bites. Guess I didn't chew well or took too many bites too fast, and after about 30 minutes of sliming and pain it came up - heaving and gagging and all kinds of misery.

My throat has been sore and irritated for the rest of the day, so I had some blended black bean soup, water and a little very moist salmon tonight with a glass of wine.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.

My Baby Is One Today

I mean my real baby, my third child and only daughter, not my band. When my oldest son was born, people kept telling me the time would fly. Lemme tell you, it took about 17 years for that kid to hit three months old.

This year, probably because I've been busy with three kids rather than just one baby, has flown. I kept trying to remind myself to enjoy every minute because she is (probably) our last baby.

A year ago, I was in an operating room having surgery. The anesthesiologist had a thing for Motown (as do I) and "My Girl" came on just as my obstetrician showed me my red, screaming, messy newborn.

She has been my easiest baby, sweet and cuddly and darling from day one. She brings out the gentle, protective side of her lightsaber-wielding brothers. A stubborn streak is starting to emerge, and when she's mad she slams her head back onto the floor, just like her brother used to do. I'm smarter now, so I don't dive to protect her head. After a few good thunks she'll figure out it isn't in her best interest to keep it up.

So far, she's celebrated by gnawing on her toes and crawling up the stairs over and over. We're decorating the kitchen for a family pizza party, and the boys will help me decorate her cake.

Watching her grow this year, and seeing all three kids getting older and wiser and more observant, I am so grateful that I have this band to help me get healthier. I want to live long enough to see their kids torment them the way they do me.

On that topic, two of the extra pounds were gone this morning, and yesterday was a good eating day. I made a real effort to eat solids rather than sliders, and to eat whenever I was truly hungry. I took the kids to a diner last night, and I had two poached eggs and a few slices of bacon. Later, when my husband was having dinner at home, I had some olives and Pellegrino. (The bubbles don't bother me at all, btw.) I'll aim to do the same thing today, focusing on solid proteins.

Head Hunger Hell

Yesterday was a tough head hunger day. I would like to tell you I fought valiantly and ultimately won, but that isn't how it went down. I really felt hungry early in the day, and just kept eating. The food got less nutritious and more crappy as the day progressed.

This morning I can barely get my engagement ring on, my stomach feels crappy, the scale is up 2.5 pounds from my low and I just am not sure what happened yesterday.

I had a shake this morning, which has filled me up to the point of being nauseated. I'll shoot for high-quality food and take it meal by meal.

Blech.

For Jacquie

For some reason, I can't comment on anyone's blog right now. I wanted to let you know I am terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your dad and brother-in-law. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

The Remote Controlled Lap-Band

I decided today that I'm relying too much on food that's easy to eat - soups, cheeses, etc. I haven't lost much weight in the last 10 days.

Tonight I made baked halibut for dinner, very moist. Within two bites I was stuck and uncomfortable. It wasn't awful, I didn't PB, but it's frustrating. I stopped for a couple hours, then went back to my Old Reliable menu - olives, brie and an artichoke. No wine because I had a high-cal lunch.

I don't *think* I need an unfill, because I'm still getting hungry when I wish I wouldn't.

I don't know. I guess I'll see how things go.

The Hubs was at a healthcare conference today in NY and sat through an Allergan presentation. They're working on a remote-control, patient-controlled Lap-Band. When he first mentioned this, I thought that'd be awesome. But I'm not so sure; my band often stops me from eating when I would realllllly like to keep going. If I could control how tight it is, not sure how successful my weight loss would be.

To be fair, our conversation didn't get into too many details (who has time when we need to talk boilers?) so I didn't get specifics from him. Maybe the remote control is complicated and not something you could do for a meal here or there, which would make it more feasible.

What do you think?

Forty-Five Pounds!

The good news: I hit 45 pounds down today. Yayyyyy! Sweeeeet.

The bad news: It took me a week to lose half a pound.

I don't need another fill. I think I'm in a good place with restriction. But I guess it's time to shake up the "choices" section of my diet. I haven't been awful, but things could be better. I'll be more mindful of that this week.

(Just looked over at what I've had post-dinner. A glass of wine (~100 cal?), a pack of M&Ms (240) and a 100-calorie snack pack. Almost 500 calories, after dinner. So yeah, there's room for improvement.)

The evening eating is a problem, clearly. Want to hear something weird? I sometimes go for hours without thinking of food during the day. This is a new and very welcome development.

I had a great Mother's Day. The boys greeted me bedside wearing aprons, notepads in hand to take my breakfast order. They dutifully brought up a protein shake and orange juice (threw that in after they gave me guff for just ordering the shake). It was all kinds of sweet.

I spoke with my mom, who is recuperating from her face lift. She seems to be holding up, although my dad keeps whispering that she looks like Frankenstein. Lotta stitches with a face lift, apparently.

I hope you all had a great weekend. Smooches!

AP News Alert*

I did not have an artichoke for dinner tonight. (We didn't have any.)

I haven't lost any weight in the last week or so, which probably means it's time to revamp my dinner menu. I had the snackies all day today, and I can't blame it on hormones.

*AP News Alert was the highest, most important category of news coming over the Associated Press wire. As in, "AP NEWS ALERT - SHOTS FIRED AT KENNEDY IN DALLAS."

PS Apparently we need a new boiler. Our current gas-fired Burnham has a crack in the block, and the generous folk at Burnham are offering us a $550 credit toward a new one. Does anyone know about this stuff? Should we do Burnham again, or go with another brand altogether? This is a totally random question, but it's a big ticket item (we got estimates for ~$19,000) and I don't know jack about this stuff so figured it can't hurt to ask.

How Are You Feeling?

This'll be a quickie because the microwave is chirping to let me know that my artichoke is cooked.

I'm noticing that I can eat a little more, although still not much. The good news is, I don't feel very hungry. The weight loss is slow but it's happening, and there's not much bounce. Yay for that - less mental torture.

Today was the Mother's Day Tea in the 4-year-old class at nursery school. Cutest thing ever - it's one of those rare moments of pure parenthood joy. The kids are singing songs about how much they love their moms, so proud to show us around their classroom and serve us cookies.

The teachers had photos of all the kids throughout the year, and there were several from when I read to the class in the fall.

Holy shit. I. Was. HUGE. I'll have to scan and post later. But really -- H U G E.

Word has apparently gotten around the school about my surgery (I haven't really tried to keep it a secret), because the teachers keep whispering about how great I look and then shooting me a meaningful look and saying, "And how are you feeling?"

Picture Post! And Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Yesterday was four months since I got my band. I've lost 31.5 pounds since surgery, and 44.5 pounds total (including pre-op losses).

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'd love to have lost more by now. But the fact that I've lost this much while still drinking wine and eating cheese, chocolate and olives is really why I got the band. I'm not dieting; I'm living and losing weight along the way.

I am thrilled I got this thing.

I'm at a good restriction now, after being too tight for three or four weeks. I haven't needed my papaya enzymes in at least a week because things aren't getting stuck. I am being really, really careful about what I eat but I really haven't been very hungry either. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

I snapped a few photos last night when I got home from Cub Scouts. Excuse the bad lighting.


Thanks to Amy W for the hand-on-hip posing tip. FINALLY, I look like a supermodel.



Also, Happy Cinco de Mayo! This used to be one of my favorite holidays. What's not to like about guacamole and margaritas? But the kids don't tolerate tequila well, so my hard-celebrating Cinco de Mayo days are over.

Today is also my sister's third wedding anniversary. I worked my ass off to get in shape for her wedding. I knew hers was the last sibling wedding and the pictures would be around forever, so I worked with a trainer five days a week from January to May. (And then promptly gained back all the weight I had lost, plus got pregnant and added some more.) HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, K&J!

What I'm Eating, and Goals

I'm having my favorite dinner again - it's been showing up on my menu frequently, and I'm losing weight so I'm going with it.

Here's the menu:

- six Kalamata (Greek) olives
- three small slices of brie with fig spread
- one steamed artichoke (in the microwave, in plastic wrap - I know, the chemicals could kill me), leaves dipped in melted butter**
- a glass of red wine (pinot noir)

Have I gone on the Mediterranean diet without realizing it? Apparently. But I loooooove it. I look forward to it every night. And some nights, I can't even finish it.

My restriction is pretty good right now. I find that I have my best eating days when I have a shake in the morning, even though I really don't love them. But it does give me a protein boost to start the day.

Lunch has been a cup of blended black bean soup or chili with a dollop of sour cream. Both are high in fiber and protein.

For a snack I have a Babybel light cheese, a few olives, a teaspoon of hummus or half of an avocado mashed with some kosher salt. (Not all of these in one day, though.)

I try to drink as much water as possible, and usually have two or three glasses of iced tea (black or green) through the day. And I usually have some kind of chocolate - Cadbury Creme Egg or a mini York Peppermint Patty or a handful of M&Ms.

Some nights I have fish. That's it. That pretty much covers what I eat lately.


**I never cooked an artichoke till I moved in with my husband. There are lots of fancy ways to cook them, but we keep it simple.

We rinse the artichoke, cut the stem close to the base, wrap the whole thing in plastic wrap and put in the microwave for eight or nine minutes - more like 12 or 14 minutes if you have more than one.

We pull off the leaves (they should pull off easily; if they don't the artichoke isn't cooked enough), dip them in some melted butter in a teacup, and scrape the "meat" off the base of the leaf with our teeth. Very primitive, like cavemen. Then when we've gotten through most of the leaves we cut off the bottom (avoid any of the hairlike things - they're not good), dice that up and drizzle the leftover melted butter on top. That's the best part of the whole thing. Artichokes are low in calories and high in fiber, and totally delicious!

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On to topic #2: GOALS

I was playing around with a BMI calculator and started figuring out goals. I'm not quite 5'4" but I count myself as 5'4" for these calculations.

1. At 174 pounds, I will no longer be obese, just plain overweight. Crazy to aspire to that, isn't it? Most people would be mortified to be considered overweight.
2. I want to break through 162, which is the lowest number I've seen on the scale in my adult life (and I saw it a week or so after running a marathon).
3. My ultimate goal is 145 pounds, when I will no longer be considered overweight. That seems a really long way away. I haven't been that weight since I was a teenager.
4. Most weight charts show my "ideal" weight between 117-130. I don't expect I will ever get there. But hey, dare to dream.