Greetings from the land of retching, gagging and sliming. I've had three episodes in the last couple of days, and it's getting old fast.
I can't tell if I'm too tight, or if I'm just not being careful enough. On one hand, if I didn't eat or drink anything ever I definitely wouldn't throw up. On the other hand, maybe I just haven't gotten serious enough about tiny bites, 30 seconds in between each bite (thanks for that reminder, V), etc.
Oh blah, I don't know. This is so wearying sometimes, it makes me crazy. I'm at 208.2, and as of today I've lost 57.3 pounds in the 17 months since my surgery. These are not impressive numbers, and I'm frustrated. I'm clearly doing this wrong. People lose double this amount in their first year!
This morning I was hungry and heading to the gym, so I took three tiny - TINY - bites of a Zone bar while I was helping to pack up my boys for tonight's big Cub Scout campout. Those bites didn't go down and it took forever to get it all out - I wrapped it up throwing up into a bag in the gym parking lot, was late for my exercise class and ended up just doing 40 minutes on the elliptical.
The other night I got sick on turkey chili that I blended and thinned with chicken stock. I mean, COME ON. Really?
Before this latest fill of 0.1 cc's, I felt like I was eating wayyy too much. This time I feel like I can't eat very much and I hate hate HATE all these vomiting episodes. But we're talking about a difference of 0.1 cc's here. Minuscule.
Obviously there needs to be a behavioral component involved, but shouldn't there be a happy middle ground? I just can't figure this out. And now I'm swollen from getting sick this morning so I'm afraid of eating.
