Dear Food, I Miss You

I'm really nervous that I am going to be a big fat band failure.

I keep hearing people say they weren't hungry after surgery. I guess technically I'm not hungry but I WANT TO EAT. Really, I do. I want a burger and a buttery bagel and even a big salad. And all kinds of other things that I won't mention here because I don't want to be responsible for triggering anyone else's binge.

Big exhale.

I guess this is food grief. I expected to feel it, but not to this extent. I mean, I'm not driving around town sobbing and playing cheesy love songs that remind me of my last Wendy's #1 meal or anything. But I'm mortified to find how deep this problem - addiction, really - actually is for me.

I keep reminding myself that this is part of the process, for some bandsters at least, and that I will come through stronger and (please God) skinnier.

Today was much better in terms of my eating. I faithfully logged every single thing I put into my mouth, and I'm on target for protein and calories. But it was a struggle. I'm not going to go eat something that could harm the band or my stomach. But that is the ONLY thing keeping me from doing it. Which is why I had this surgery in the first place, right?

Why Are Children Morning People?*

My 4-year-old came in at 5.50 am to tell me he didn't know why his clock didn't say 6.00. I could barely form words, but he got the gist and went back to his room for another 15 minutes.

How many days til the hubs comes home on Thursday? My head is all muddled.

*This post unrelated to band or weight loss.