****** NYC BRUNCH: Please see brunch update at right. *********
In looking through my recent posts, there's virtually no substance. I'm not writing about feelings or much about where I am with my band, just a sentence here or quip there with little insight.
Here's where I am: At a standstill, as I have been for six+ months, in a four-pound range between 204 and 208. My measurements are the same as they've been for a few months, although I do think that will change as I continue working out.
Here's what I think about it: It sucks. I am failing at this.
Here's how I feel about it: Depressed. Disappointed. Resigned. Hopeless.
Here's what I'm doing about it: Going to the gym, which is a start but not doing much on the scale. I'm eating way too much sugar, in the form of chocolate. On the upside, my body is sore from good workouts yesterday and this morning, so that's good.
I am seeing so many of you with much success, and I'm thrilled for you. At the same time, I'm so disappointed that I'm just not doing well with this. I'm surprised, I really thought the band would be just what I needed to get myself on track.
When I took that glorious drug Phen-Fen (or was it Fen-Phen?) in the late 90s, I rocked it. I lost 75 pounds in nine months, started running, ran lots of 5ks and 10ks and eventually a full marathon. Food was a nonissue for me during much of that time. I ate, I enjoyed my meals, and that was it. No thinking about food, no inner battles, none of that. It was like the medicine flipped a switch and put me into the 'normal' category with regard to my relationship with food.
One of the frustrations I'm feeling is that right now I have 5.6 cc's in my band. It's tight enough that there are plenty of times when I simply cannot eat anymore, and I stop. I'm disappointed, but I get over it within an hour and then I'm relieved that I didn't overeat.
Sometimes, though, I'm hungry. And when I can't eat it is maddening.
So I don't want to get a fill. 5.75 cc's has twice been wayyy too tight for me, and I've gotten weak and dehydrated.
Where I am now, I can eat solids. I definitely can eat sliders.
I know the things I can do to make this better: Try a five-day pouch test. Cut chocolate out altogether. Focus more on solid protein (I've done okay on this).
Oh, blah. I'm just tired of thinking about this.
