VROOOOOOM!

This morning I notice that I am half hungry for the crab leftovers from dinner last night but at the same time I'm borderline nauseated. Not in a big way, just on a low level.

SO. WEIRD. And annoying.

Forgot to say, at the birthday party on Friday I obviously couldn't have pizza so I ordered a meatball sandwich and ate one of the meatballs. It worked great for me, I took tiny bites but was still able to sit with everyone and eat. Someone else polished off the rest of the sandwich and I had a small slice of cake later. I was happy that I could feel like I was joining in the party without going overboard or, worse, trying to eat pizza and spending half the time in the bathroom throwing up.

The Hubs left for a three-day business trip, which will include a NASCAR-style driving course for all the firm's partners. The most senior partner has an adventure streak a mile long. Last year they went hot-air ballooning and whitewater rafting in Colorado Springs.

My husband is the least excitement-seeking person I've ever met in my life. He doesn't drink or gamble or dance (except with the kids). His one nonfamily hobby is playing bridge. I laugh every time I think about him driving a race car.

Rough Band Day

The birthday celebration was awesome, although the birthday girl was pretty clueless about what was going on. She enjoyed her taste of chocolate frosting, and her brothers had the time of their lives "helping" her open her gifts.

I haven't had any PB or even much in the way of stuck problems since April 25. Well, I broke my streak today and it was awful. I was giving the baby some turkey lunch meat, and I had a few bites. Guess I didn't chew well or took too many bites too fast, and after about 30 minutes of sliming and pain it came up - heaving and gagging and all kinds of misery.

My throat has been sore and irritated for the rest of the day, so I had some blended black bean soup, water and a little very moist salmon tonight with a glass of wine.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.

My Baby Is One Today

I mean my real baby, my third child and only daughter, not my band. When my oldest son was born, people kept telling me the time would fly. Lemme tell you, it took about 17 years for that kid to hit three months old.

This year, probably because I've been busy with three kids rather than just one baby, has flown. I kept trying to remind myself to enjoy every minute because she is (probably) our last baby.

A year ago, I was in an operating room having surgery. The anesthesiologist had a thing for Motown (as do I) and "My Girl" came on just as my obstetrician showed me my red, screaming, messy newborn.

She has been my easiest baby, sweet and cuddly and darling from day one. She brings out the gentle, protective side of her lightsaber-wielding brothers. A stubborn streak is starting to emerge, and when she's mad she slams her head back onto the floor, just like her brother used to do. I'm smarter now, so I don't dive to protect her head. After a few good thunks she'll figure out it isn't in her best interest to keep it up.

So far, she's celebrated by gnawing on her toes and crawling up the stairs over and over. We're decorating the kitchen for a family pizza party, and the boys will help me decorate her cake.

Watching her grow this year, and seeing all three kids getting older and wiser and more observant, I am so grateful that I have this band to help me get healthier. I want to live long enough to see their kids torment them the way they do me.

On that topic, two of the extra pounds were gone this morning, and yesterday was a good eating day. I made a real effort to eat solids rather than sliders, and to eat whenever I was truly hungry. I took the kids to a diner last night, and I had two poached eggs and a few slices of bacon. Later, when my husband was having dinner at home, I had some olives and Pellegrino. (The bubbles don't bother me at all, btw.) I'll aim to do the same thing today, focusing on solid proteins.

Head Hunger Hell

Yesterday was a tough head hunger day. I would like to tell you I fought valiantly and ultimately won, but that isn't how it went down. I really felt hungry early in the day, and just kept eating. The food got less nutritious and more crappy as the day progressed.

This morning I can barely get my engagement ring on, my stomach feels crappy, the scale is up 2.5 pounds from my low and I just am not sure what happened yesterday.

I had a shake this morning, which has filled me up to the point of being nauseated. I'll shoot for high-quality food and take it meal by meal.

Blech.

For Jacquie

For some reason, I can't comment on anyone's blog right now. I wanted to let you know I am terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your dad and brother-in-law. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

The Remote Controlled Lap-Band

I decided today that I'm relying too much on food that's easy to eat - soups, cheeses, etc. I haven't lost much weight in the last 10 days.

Tonight I made baked halibut for dinner, very moist. Within two bites I was stuck and uncomfortable. It wasn't awful, I didn't PB, but it's frustrating. I stopped for a couple hours, then went back to my Old Reliable menu - olives, brie and an artichoke. No wine because I had a high-cal lunch.

I don't *think* I need an unfill, because I'm still getting hungry when I wish I wouldn't.

I don't know. I guess I'll see how things go.

The Hubs was at a healthcare conference today in NY and sat through an Allergan presentation. They're working on a remote-control, patient-controlled Lap-Band. When he first mentioned this, I thought that'd be awesome. But I'm not so sure; my band often stops me from eating when I would realllllly like to keep going. If I could control how tight it is, not sure how successful my weight loss would be.

To be fair, our conversation didn't get into too many details (who has time when we need to talk boilers?) so I didn't get specifics from him. Maybe the remote control is complicated and not something you could do for a meal here or there, which would make it more feasible.

What do you think?

Forty-Five Pounds!

The good news: I hit 45 pounds down today. Yayyyyy! Sweeeeet.

The bad news: It took me a week to lose half a pound.

I don't need another fill. I think I'm in a good place with restriction. But I guess it's time to shake up the "choices" section of my diet. I haven't been awful, but things could be better. I'll be more mindful of that this week.

(Just looked over at what I've had post-dinner. A glass of wine (~100 cal?), a pack of M&Ms (240) and a 100-calorie snack pack. Almost 500 calories, after dinner. So yeah, there's room for improvement.)

The evening eating is a problem, clearly. Want to hear something weird? I sometimes go for hours without thinking of food during the day. This is a new and very welcome development.

I had a great Mother's Day. The boys greeted me bedside wearing aprons, notepads in hand to take my breakfast order. They dutifully brought up a protein shake and orange juice (threw that in after they gave me guff for just ordering the shake). It was all kinds of sweet.

I spoke with my mom, who is recuperating from her face lift. She seems to be holding up, although my dad keeps whispering that she looks like Frankenstein. Lotta stitches with a face lift, apparently.

I hope you all had a great weekend. Smooches!

AP News Alert*

I did not have an artichoke for dinner tonight. (We didn't have any.)

I haven't lost any weight in the last week or so, which probably means it's time to revamp my dinner menu. I had the snackies all day today, and I can't blame it on hormones.

*AP News Alert was the highest, most important category of news coming over the Associated Press wire. As in, "AP NEWS ALERT - SHOTS FIRED AT KENNEDY IN DALLAS."

PS Apparently we need a new boiler. Our current gas-fired Burnham has a crack in the block, and the generous folk at Burnham are offering us a $550 credit toward a new one. Does anyone know about this stuff? Should we do Burnham again, or go with another brand altogether? This is a totally random question, but it's a big ticket item (we got estimates for ~$19,000) and I don't know jack about this stuff so figured it can't hurt to ask.

How Are You Feeling?

This'll be a quickie because the microwave is chirping to let me know that my artichoke is cooked.

I'm noticing that I can eat a little more, although still not much. The good news is, I don't feel very hungry. The weight loss is slow but it's happening, and there's not much bounce. Yay for that - less mental torture.

Today was the Mother's Day Tea in the 4-year-old class at nursery school. Cutest thing ever - it's one of those rare moments of pure parenthood joy. The kids are singing songs about how much they love their moms, so proud to show us around their classroom and serve us cookies.

The teachers had photos of all the kids throughout the year, and there were several from when I read to the class in the fall.

Holy shit. I. Was. HUGE. I'll have to scan and post later. But really -- H U G E.

Word has apparently gotten around the school about my surgery (I haven't really tried to keep it a secret), because the teachers keep whispering about how great I look and then shooting me a meaningful look and saying, "And how are you feeling?"

Picture Post! And Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Yesterday was four months since I got my band. I've lost 31.5 pounds since surgery, and 44.5 pounds total (including pre-op losses).

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'd love to have lost more by now. But the fact that I've lost this much while still drinking wine and eating cheese, chocolate and olives is really why I got the band. I'm not dieting; I'm living and losing weight along the way.

I am thrilled I got this thing.

I'm at a good restriction now, after being too tight for three or four weeks. I haven't needed my papaya enzymes in at least a week because things aren't getting stuck. I am being really, really careful about what I eat but I really haven't been very hungry either. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

I snapped a few photos last night when I got home from Cub Scouts. Excuse the bad lighting.


Thanks to Amy W for the hand-on-hip posing tip. FINALLY, I look like a supermodel.



Also, Happy Cinco de Mayo! This used to be one of my favorite holidays. What's not to like about guacamole and margaritas? But the kids don't tolerate tequila well, so my hard-celebrating Cinco de Mayo days are over.

Today is also my sister's third wedding anniversary. I worked my ass off to get in shape for her wedding. I knew hers was the last sibling wedding and the pictures would be around forever, so I worked with a trainer five days a week from January to May. (And then promptly gained back all the weight I had lost, plus got pregnant and added some more.) HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, K&J!