***I want to preface this post by saying I know I've been all kinds of negative lately. Please know that I am not writing this to bring on sympathy from you. I started this blog to keep track of my emotions and frustrations through this process, so I want to be as true to my feelings as I can. I'm hoping writing it all down will help me make sense of it.***
I had fill #2 today and I've been starving all day. Before the fill, I had three soft-boiled eggs and two pieces of rye toast with butter for breakfast. I resisted the cookies at my Haiti fundraiser meeting, so yay me on that front. Had 1.5 cc's added to bring me to 5.5 cc's in my band.
I went home and had 1/2 c of roasted red pepper soup, was still hungry so had a protein shake. I haven't had one of those in at least 10 days. Still felt hungry so had 1/2 or 2/3 c of chili, blended with some beef stock to thin it out. At dinner I had winter vegetable puree soup and 4-5 bites of tuna salad. Tonight I've had a glass of wine, half of a mashed avocado and a SF chocolate pudding cup (60 cals).
I am feeling so let down by this. I know it's a tool and I need to put effort into it, but I really did expect more from this band. I can't quite figure if it's normal to have this hunger and overeating while waiting to get to restriction, or if I am a giant fuckup and going to fail with this just as I have failed with every other weight-loss effort. If I fail with this, I'll let down my husband, my children, my entire family. Which, frankly, just depresses me and makes me want to eat more.
I hear what you're saying and definitely share your fear of failing. I think though that today, if you're on liquids, well they go right through the band, so you're not going to stay full. At my clinic, we're not even allowed to eat soup! And on fill days we do soft food (like fish), but not liquid. Don't worry! I am 99% sure that the next few days will be better, and by the next fill you will really feel a difference!
ReplyDelete*hugs*
I had 2 cc to start. Dr added 3.2 the firs time, to bring me up to 5.2. Didin't do much!
ReplyDeleteBut this last fill on Friday, she took me up to 6.8!
I went from 252-ish to 243 in the past seven days! Crazy!
So please don't despair. It thought it was going to be a long and difficult slog until this last fill! It will get better, I promise!
Girl.... You read my blogs so you know that I share all of your feelings...it an be super frustrating at times but you know what? I keep thinking that all this weight did not come over night, I can't expect it to go away over night either... I had a fill today as well and I seemed to e a little hungrier than normal and I'm attributing it to the fact that I've been on straight liquids since and nothing is satisfying...
ReplyDeleteBuck up little camper... WE can do this!
Xo
I haven't had the surgery and have done pretty poorly on the pre pre-op diet, but I know you will find our sweet spot, get good restriction and start losing again. If you were great at losing weight without the restriction, you would have never needed the surgery. It's going to work for you. I know it.
ReplyDeleteKristin.. now you know what I have been through.. so here is my sage advice.. I know that you are following your docs orders for puree foods but they pass through the band pretty quick.. you may need something a bit more solid to hold you over.. try one of those small baby bell light cheese thingy's.. or chicken breast...something that will take a while for your stomach to digest.. I did not get any real sense of restriction to this most recent fill so I know the sensation you are talking about.
ReplyDeleteEverything that you have described is what I went through.. (I even had that nightmare dream that the band disappeared!!) Hang in there.. you might want to try the six small meal approach until you get good restriction. This is what I struggled with as well.. now that I have that restriction.. I don't understand why I would need to eat 6 times a day.. that would have been a good approach up to this point..
So hang in there.. it took me three good fills to get where I am at..
You were worried people would think you wrote that for sympathy? LOL Have ya read my blogs? I have been so whiney lately. People probably will give the "whine of the week award" lol I just wanted to let you know I feel ya on the being let down thing. I havent had my first fill yet and maybe that will do something but man this road can be tough sometimes *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI know i'm not "on the other side" yet :0) so I can't offer up to much advice..but from what i've read.. it just sounds like you haven't hit your 'sweet spot' yet.. :0) you'll get there and you won't let your familiy down, just look at what you've already done to get yourself in a healthy spot! Don't get down on yourself to hard!! :0)
ReplyDeleteAwwww Kristin: you deserve all the sympathy and support that all of us can give to you.
ReplyDeleteYOU WILL NOT FAIL-- you are too invested, TRUST ME.
I am obviously not talking from experience, as I am in a similar spot-- but hang on in there. Look at the bandsters before us, I haven't seen anyone get proper restriction with 2 fills.
The weight will come off... but it will take time and you will succeed.
Ease up on yourself and give yourself some love right now.
Kisses and hugs-- YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE!!!!!
1 - You aren't whining any more than any of the rest of us. It is good to share what is going on and how you feel because that is the reason we all blog and want to read other people's blogs. It isn't all about getting inspiration - it's also about getting support. So whine on, my friend, whine on.
ReplyDelete2 - My doc requires that I stick to liquids for at least one to two days every time I have a fill. I end up in the same place you are right now. I can eat soup nonstop all day long and never feel satisfied. This last time I tried to eat "real" food right away and ended up with an unfill. Follow your doc's orders, do the liquids, and know that when you are able to eat solid foods you'll eat less and take in a LOT less calories.
Keep your chin up!!
Sounds like a lot of great advice. Check out my blog today. Maybe it will cheer you up.
ReplyDeleteYou have lost more than 30 lbs. in two months. Can you imagine that kind of success before the band? You are doing great!
ReplyDeleteYou are not a FU!!! Everyone is different and I am sure once you hit solids or a week after the fill you will be sad that you can hardly eat. Hang in there....
ReplyDelete