When I was pregnant with my first baby, people constantly asked if I'd "bonded" with the baby yet. I'd sort of smile and say I was very excited to meet my little one. I read about women who said they felt completely bonded with their babies in utero and wondered what the hell they were talking about.
I have three children who I love with all my heart. I'd do anything for them, and I'm very happy to be their mom. But while I certainly felt protective and loving toward them during my pregnancies, I never felt like I "knew" them or was "bonded" to them while they were in residence.
I'm starting to have similar feelings of inadequacy about my band. It's in my stomach, I can feel it once in a while but mostly it's just there. People tell me I'm going to love having it, that it's going to change my life. I know it's true, but I'm not quite there yet.
Yesterday, my eating was good, water intake was good, I paused between bites and chewed really well. At one point I snacked on some pretzels but only a few and otherwise everything was protein and veggies. I will say yesterday went really well until about 9 pm.
That's when the wheels came off. Glass of wine, three 100-calorie packs of cookies and BLAMMO the good day became pretty bad. I'm not even sure it was a conscious decision. I had said I wouldn't snack in the evening, and I did. It's kind of like I was in a trance or something.
I know it happens, and it won't always happen and it's good that I did well during the day. It's a process. Onward and downward.
**Photo is about 40 minutes after the arrival of my second son via c-section in 2005.
Love the photo!!!!
ReplyDeleteWell I actually had a good night last night and did not snack after dinner. I am trying to stick with it for 1 week and see what happens but I know how hard it is. What I try and do is say ok Carla you know you are going to snack at night, that is your weakest time. I set back 300 calories a night for snacks, I know this may be a lot for some but I need it so I know that during the day if I want to stay around 1200 calores I can only intake 900.
I know its hard, you will get there and "bond" with your band. Remember if you fall off the wagon teh band will still be there tomorrow, next week, next year.
Try again tonight, and try only to eat 2 of the packs of cookies. Trust me I know how hard that is!!
It took me a couple of months to truly bond with both my babies-then wham, I couldn't let them out of my sight. I just had a fill and boy the band is certainly letting me know it is there alright. I don't know how long this feeling will continue. I'm hoping I'll come to love my little buddy just as I fell madly in love with my kids.
ReplyDeleteNight snacking is such a trap for me. I really try to avoid it. I almost always snack on saltine crackers with cheese and peanut butter. It is something I only choose when I am feeling deprived or binging. Otherwise I never even think about them. I think Carla has a good idea of saving calories to accommodate a nighttime snack. Maybe a routine change would help too - like instead of watching TV and snacking, try taking a bath and reading a book to relax. Also the alcohol could be lowering your inhibitions. I heard something recently about how addicts sub-consciously put themselves into situations where they will use. I consider myself addicted to compulsive eating (on the wagon for now). I am glad that you keep blogging through this. I know you will get past it and move forward.
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Joey and I'm a night time (over)eater. Once I have dinner it's like the flood gates have been opened and I am a ravenous beasty. It has always served to relax me after a long day. And as it turns out they are pretty much all long days. I find that even if I eat the same number of calories, the later I eat them in the day, the more weight I gain. Like my body is too sluggish to burn them in the PM.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any advice only kinship :)
I call that a 'food coma' and as you start getting more and more WL you'll find that they happen less and less, but they do still happen. We can't expect our addiction and bad food habits we've honed for so many years to just disappear. The advice I'd give is just try to pause for just 1 second and 'wake yourself up' (it's the hardest part), then give yourself permission and consciously finish eating and try to really ENJOY whatever your binging on. The more you do this, the less it will happen and when it does happen...you'll be giving yourself concious permission to eat that bag of cookies and enjoy every moment of it instead of eating in a fog and feeling nothing but guilt about it!!! When it becomes a choice and the guilt goes away is when you're back in control.
ReplyDeleteWow - seems to be a common theme here - the night time snacking. What's with that? Are we not getting in enough calories during the day and then making up for them? Or is it we are more relaxed at that time of day. Who knows? All I know is count me in.. I'm in evening snack mode too most nights. Ack.
ReplyDeleteLove the pic of you and bub. You look like you have a real sense of accomplishment on your face - and no wonder. You just did the most amazing thing a woman ever could - you had a new baby. So gorgeous too by the way. xxx