My Legs Are Sore

Not crazy sore. Not just-ran-eight-miles sore (as if!). But definitely just-worked-out sore. I guess that's good.

Seriously, once I was out of bed and in the car (so cooolllld this morning), the rest was cake. I got to the gym and did everything the trainer told me to do and then came home.

I had a nice NSV too. In 2007 I went five days a week at 6 am to get into shape for my sister's wedding. After that, I went sporadically but I had a pregnancy and miscarriage and then another pregnancy and c-section in that period, so it was just once in a while.

This morning one of the trainers I used most often (but was booked this morning) yelled over, "Hey! Where've you been?" I said I'd been home eating bon bons, and he replied, "Doesn't look like it."

So that was the highlight of my gym day, actually.

The Gym

I've had a few workout false starts since my surgery - I'd go back to the gym and then stop after once or twice. Life is just busy enough that it's easy to make excuses and skip the exercise.

My husband asked the other day if I wanted to go back to the gym, and offered to juggle his schedule to cover kid duty and make working out easier for me. So I really don't have a decent excuse anymore.

Tomorrow morning I'll be at the gym at 6 am. I have a trainer appointment to make sure my lazy butt actually gets there.

Wish me luck.

Barbara's Loss

I've been waiting for something meaningful to come to me, but nothing has. So I will just say to Barbara: I'm so sorry. You have my deepest sympathies. I am thinking of you and sending my love.

Linda mentioned this already, but it amazes me how personally I take it when something bad happens to a blog friend. Our circle of support is meaningful to me in real life, and I really didn't anticipate that when I started blogging.

38 38 38 38 38

Well, friends, I weighed in this morning at 205.2. So I didn't meet my goal of weighing 199.8 on my 38th birthday. Which didn't upset me as much as you might think, since I've eaten pretty well lately so I know with all confidence that it's not real pounds.

I've had a great birthday; my sister drove up yesterday from Pennsylvania with her newborn to hang out with me. YAY! We got manicures and had lunch at my favorite Mexican restaurant (where I ate a few chips with salsa and half a serving of beans, and boxed the rest up for later). Best time ever.

Which was good, since when I took my first bite of dinner tonight, it became abundantly clear that my band has snapped shut in anticipation of the arrival of my period. (Sorry, Patrick, if you're reading and this is icky to you. Just be glad you're a man.)

Three days from now, I'll be rejoicing at the scale. (I hope.)

At Least It's Moving in the Right Direction

Weighed in at 203.8 today. To be precise, twice at 204 but four times at 203.8 so I'm taking it.

That means four pounds stand between me and my 38th-birthday goal deadline tomorrow. After reading your comments from the last few days, I know you're right - the NSVs all add up to a huge improvement over my 37th birthday. And I'm not beating myself up about the unlikelihood that I'll hit my birthday goal tomorrow. I will get there, and I'm having a pretty good run lately with the band. (That doesn't mean I won't be chugging Gilly's magic spa water like crazy today. Can you blame me? I have to give it a shot.)

Thanks so much to Bec, Annie and Sam for the blog awards - you're so kind. I'm not the most organized person God ever put breath into, so I don't even begin to try keeping track of the details. Thank you, though.

Stay warm, everyone!

Checking In

Not much to report here. 204.4 this morning. Eating pretty well but it'll take a miracle to get to 199.8 by Tuesday morning, especially given my current hormonal status.

C'est la vie.

Better Weigh-In, and Thank You

Got a little love from the scale this morning. I weighed in at 204.4. I have five days to lose 4.6 pounds if I want to make my birthday goal of being under 200.

CAN SHE DO IT?

I don't know. But I'm going to try. Today was a good day, even though I had dinner out with some girlfriends. I had some soup, two scallops and a glass of wine. And peppermint tea. Just perfect.

We're supposed to get more snow tonight. Praying for a delay rather than another full snow day, or these kids will be in school till July. C'mon, Mother Nature, help a mommy out here.

Finally, and most importantly, thanks for all your great encouragement. I feel so much better when I hear that you've been there, or you think I'm doing just fine. It surprises me how much your support helps me, so thank you thank you. You are wonderful.

So Here's the Thing

My band is working: Tonight I would have had a pretty big dinner, but after one tiny slice of brie, six olives and half an artichoke I am filled to the brim. And sliming a little, if you must know. (Aren't you glad I told you?)

This band is keeping me from eating too much, for sure. But somehow I've lost the no-interest-in-food thing, and I'd reallllly like to get it back. Now, if you wouldn't mind. Thanks.

It's so odd. There were a couple of brief periods since I got the band that I wasn't very interested in food, didn't think about it, didn't spend much energy on what I'd eat or couldn't eat or would cook for dinner. I was all, Food as fuel: How it's supposed to be.

But that element - a crucial element of the band experience, as far as I'm concerned - is missing now. It's frustrating.

Also frustrating: I am completely on the razor's edge between fat-girl sizes and regular sizes. I'm wearing size 16 pants; sometimes they're snug; they're definitely not baggy. I bought an XL shirt at Gap, and it's snug. I bought a couple XL shirts at Banana Republic and they look good enough to wear now. I got my size 14 bathing suit and it fits. It'll fit a little better in five pounds, but I could wear it today without blinding fellow beachgoers.

This morning I weighed in at 205.8. Not horrible, but not good. And not close to my goal of 199.8 or lower by my birthday on Tuesday.

Gilly's Fancy Water

I'm not sure what to write today.

I'm kind of in negative Nellie mode right now.

One of the things I loved so much about having the band was not having to spend so much time thinking about my weight and what I eat and all that. So I'm kind of down that I'm feeling the anxiety creep back into my mind about my weight. I'm stuck, I've been stuck for months and I'm disappointed.

My weight is fluctuating by two pounds, up and down, up and down. My band is on the tighter side but if I think about it I'm really not being as careful as I need to be with small bites and proper chewing. I can eat solids without a problem, so I think some back-to-basics training is in order.

On a happier note, I've been quite enjoying a recipe Gilly gave me, so I'll share it with all of you:

GILLY'S FANCY SPA WATER
Slice one lemon thinly, then peel 1/2 a cucumber and slice it thinly. Grate 1 tbsp of ginger. Throw all of that in 2 litres of water and let it sit overnight. Then drink it.

Piling On the Pounds

I swear, *swear* to you that I am not eating enough to pile on the pounds. Yet today I weighed 208.2. F-ing nightmare. My fingers are swollen and I feel bloaty and I was so tight I threw up two (2) bites of beans that I was eating for lunch.

My band and I, we are NOT getting along this week.

Cyclical Tightness

Wanna hear something weird? My band snaps closed when I ovulate. Isn't that strange? I'm not dreaming it, it really does happen.

Today was ovulation day, and I could barely get down some blended black bean soup at lunch. Tonight I'm 45 minutes into dinner and still haven't finished my artichoke. I don't think I'll make it to the protein.

I did manage to eat three double-stuf Oreos. It's a stress item - the school district has already declared a snow day for tomorrow. We're supposed to get walloped by the storm coming up the east coast. The boys are such fun ages (eight and five) to do snow days with, but the toddler is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - you never know what you're gonna get.

So tomorrow we will organize and clean and play outside and drink hot cocoa and watch a video and do some exercising and wrap up homework and maybe cook something to kill some time. Homemade pizza, anyone?

To add insult to injury, I weighed in at 205.8 today. My fingers were swollen, so I know a lot of it is water. But still. IRRITATING.

Oh, and my surgeon appointment was canceled because he got stuck in the OR. But that was fine with me because it gave me extra time to get a manicure buy more emergency bread, eggs and milk.

EDITED TO ADD: I threw up the half an artichoke and half a glass of wine that took me two hours to eat. Disgusting, and uncomfortable. I'm heading to bed and hoping for a little more breathing room tomorrow.

Weekend Wrap-Up

Because I can't think of a whole lot else to talk about. This morning's weigh-in was two pounds less than a week ago, so that's good. But I've been plus or minus two pounds so often lately that I hesitate to believe it.

This morning I weighed in at 204.6. I go see my surgeon tomorrow for a monthly checkup, and I'm planning to ask about the reflux issues then. I'll report back on that.

Hubs and I had a great date night on Saturday; we saw The King's Speech (loved it), and then went to a cozy Indian restaurant and Discussed Our Finances and Prioritized Our House Projects List over awesome paneer tikka masala. Which was more fun than it sounds.

I ordered a size 14 bathing suit from Lands' End today. I got an email offer for 25% off any item over $50, so even though I'm pretty sure it won't quite fit yet, I think it'll end up being a wise buy.

Freaking Out a Little About the Reflux Chatter

So I'm reading about Amy and Gen having serious relux problems, and other people are weighing in with their problems. And Sally had her band removed.

This is freaking me out.

I've had heartburn, but almost exclusively during pregnancy. It resolved itself once my babies were born, except for right before my band surgery. Turned out I had a little hernia that my doctor stitched while he was placing my band and I haven't had heartburn since surgery.

If you're reading this and you've had problems with reflux since surgery, can you please mention in the comments: date of your surgery; approximate date of reflux onset; doctor's recommendation for treatment; and whether it has resolved.

Thanks for your input. It's not scientific, but I'd like to see if there are any obvious trends.

The Bean Report

Thanks for your tips, I did end up dumping the soaking water and then boiled the beans in water with a bay leaf and a little chili powder. Once they were definitely done, I put them away till dinnertime. At dinner I sauteed some onion and garlic, added the beans and seasoned with salt, pepper and more chili powder. Then I sprinkled some cheese on top with a dollop of the yogurt.

The beans weren't awesome. Definitely not as good as the ones I get at the cantina in town, and nowhere near as good as the ones at Dos Caminos.

Can you give me your bean recipes? Especially red beans (kidney or pinto?) and black beans.

I do think Beano is helpful, and my mom swears by it. It's an enzyme that neutralizes the gas. Or something. You can learn more here: Beano has a "University of Gas" series of videos to explain the ins and outs of flatulence. Yes, really.

Ooooh, and I forgot to mention my other favorite use for Greek yogurt: I really love chip and veggie dips, and now I add the mix to yogurt instead of sour cream and I have a high-protein snack with cukes or peppers. Love!

Greek Yogurt and Beans

This will be news to absolutely nobody, but Greek yogurt is so versatile! No, really, it's true! Yesterday I decided to kick up my protein and went through a lot of Greek yogurt, with both good and so-so results.

I haven't made Nicole's chicken salad in a while, so I roasted a chicken breast in the toaster oven with salt and pepper (and a drizzle of olive oil), then diced the meat and mixed it with scallions, salt, pepper and Greek yogurt. Delish. That was a win. I have more for lunch this week.

Then I tried the Barefoot Contessa's mustard-roasted fish, but substituted yogurt for the creme fraiche in the recipe. As I feared, the yogurt curdled. It tasted virtually the same (really good) but I'm not sure my husband would go for curdled yogurt fish. And I can't really blame him. I did a little research, and apparently full-fat yogurt is less likely to curdle.

I'm on a bean kick lately. Beans are the perfect food, full of protein and fiber. (Also in love with Beano, btw.) I've never cooked dried beans before, but I'm giving it a try today.

I soaked the beans overnight, but when I looked online there didn't seem to be any consensus about whether to change the water (pro: gets rid of the gassiness; con: loses nutrients, flavor and color) or how long to cook them. Almost every recipe I found uses canned beans. Right now I have them simmering on the stovetop with a bay leaf and some chili powder in the water. My friend advises me not to salt them until they're finished cooking, as the salt makes them too tough.

Naturally, I am planning to top my cooked beans with a dollop of Greek yogurt instead of sour cream. Stay tuned for the results of that experiment.

In other news, thanks to all of you for the anniversary wishes. Your comments lifted my day. I'm planning a one-year photo post. Probably just as soon as I finish sending my Christmas cards.

ONE YEAR

It's been a year since my surgery on Jan. 4th. I've lost 60+ pounds, depending on the day. It's not what I had hoped to lose in the first year, and doesn't come close to what some lapbanders lose in that time frame. But I'm grateful for those pounds, and eager to continue losing.

A few things that have changed this year:

* I am free of the foot and ankle pain that was becoming debilitating. When I stand up, I don't walk funny. I can stand up from the floor with no problem. I can run upstairs without getting winded, and I can walk down the stairs without gripping the banister.

* As promised, my hair fell out in gobs. It's just starting to come back in, but it's still thin and I don't like it at all. I hope the volume comes back.

* I am far more confident and social than I was this time last year; consequently, I'm having a lot more fun these days.

* I am largely free of the psychic burden I carried from failing so often at weight loss. My outlook on my life and my future has changed a lot, for the better.

* I have more energy.

* I'm starting to shop in 'normal' stores, although I'm still kind of straddling the fat-girl/normal shopping world.

* I can cross my legs. Comfortably.

* I snore a lot less at night.

* I am not worried I will break a chair, beach or otherwise.

* I am incredibly grateful to all my blog friends for your support, guidance, good humor and encouragement this year.

I would like to have lost more. In my poor-me moments, I slip into bad habits and focus on the negative. But the thing is, we all know the band isn't a solution, it's a tool. You have to do the work. I did some work, but not nearly as much as I could have. So it's no mystery to me why I haven't lost more weight.

My 38th birthday is Jan. 25th. I'd love to be below 200 by then. I've been dancing around these scale numbers for months now. I'm gunning for 199 by the 25th. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Happy 2011!

And whooooosh, just like that the holidays are over. Thank God, because I'm exhausted.

We just wrapped up a two-day entertaining marathon; we had friends here from 5 pm on the 31st until 7 pm on the 1st. We had a New Year's open house yesterday for about 55 guests. It was great, I had cooked a lot for New Year's Eve so I just ordered bagels, deli trays and quiche for the brunch. I mixed a couple pitchers of mimosas, we set up the playroom so the kids could shriek to their hearts' content and not disturb the grownups, and it was a lot of fun.

Both New Year's Eve and yesterday my band was super tight. I had an unpleasant stuck episode on a piece of lump crabmeat. Otherwise, it was probably a blessing, because I wasn't hungry and was able to talk with guests and refill drinks and platters without stopping to eat. I didn't weigh myself this morning but I've been holding steady, which is pretty good given the amount of food we've had moving through here this week.

One quick band note: I worked really hard, cooking up a storm on the 31st and then stayed up till midnight and woke up yesterday to get ready for another party. I was a little fatigued, but I had plenty of energy to get through the day and really enjoy it, and that *never* would have happened 63 pounds ago. (Today's another story. Today, I'm tired.)