When I was in second grade, I had my First Holy Communion, which was notable in my mind because I got to wear an elegant white dress and a veil. Just like a bride.
In the weeks leading up to my communion, as the nuns tried to impress the importance of the Holy Eucharist on a bunch of uninterested 7-year-olds, I couldn't stop thinking of that veil and how beautiful I was going to be when I wore it.
On the big day I felt like a princess. I swiveled my head this way and that to show off my veil all day long.
A few weeks later the photos came back from the developer, and I ripped open the envelope to see myself in all my veiled glory. What I saw was devastatingly disappointing. I looked SO FAT. I had a double chin, and in one picture my belly looked huge. The depth of my disappointment is difficult to convey - I had felt so beautiful, and when I saw the pictures I realized I looked terrible the whole time.
I wish I could see those photos now - they're at my parents' house in Pennsylvania, and said parents are in Florida for the winter. I'm guessing I didn't look nearly as bad as I felt. I might have been on the chubbier side, but I didn't have a real weight problem until I was in my late teens.
Looking back, I think that was the first time I ever felt fat.
**In lieu of the first communion photo, a photo of me as an actual bride in 2001. With a veil. That's my mom, who weighs about 106 pounds dripping wet. (The quality isn't great because it's scanned.)
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For some reason I ate all day today. To offset this constant grazing, I made a point of choosing healthier options. I had lots of raw veggies along with less-healthy fare. I took my oldest son out for dinner after swim practice and I ordered a chicken quesadilla. Luckily, there was almost no cheese in it. I ate half and pushed the rest away. I was proud of myself for that - it wasn't easy and I would have been happy to keep going.
Tomorrow I'm taking the boys to the USS Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum, which is on an aircraft carrier in New York City. I think I'm more excited than they are.
Be well!
**No real reason for posting this one. I just like it.
