Thoughts at 50 Down

Fifty pounds ago I had a lot of aches and pains. My feet hurt every time I stood up and I walked funny because I was so stiff. I snored a lot, sending my husband to the guest room more often than either of us liked. I was tired and irritable and depressed and despairing.

Today I feel like I'm on my way. Popping up from a sitting position is easier, moving is easier, I'm not nearly as tired as I was and my snoring is almost gone. I'm a lot more comfortable when I go out in public, and I feel better when I'm socializing. My spirit feels lighter now, and I'm looking forward to doing things with my kids this summer rather than dwelling on the things I can't do because of my weight. That's a great, great change.

I just did the math and I'm averaging a 1.7 pound loss every week. Not setting any records with my pace but I'm OK with slow and steady. I don't feel deprived, I don't feel like I'm making any big sacrifices. I eat, I'm satisfied, I'm losing weight.

I could probably use a tiny fill. I'm at 5.5 cc's in a 10cc band. 5.75 was too much, I had to have some taken out because I wasn't losing weight and was all kinds of uncomfortable. Wonder if my surgeon would do 5.6 cc's, just adding 0.1 cc's?

The Hot Summer Meltdown Challenge starts today, which will be a great motivator to keep my A-game through the summer.

I still need to exercise consistently and start weight training to firm up the flab. But I'm grateful for where I am; the road ahead doesn't look as long or as daunting as it did 50 pounds ago.

FIFTY! 50!! FIFTY!

I hit fifty pounds down today, five months and one day after surgery. I'm happy and excited, but also mindful that there is still a long way to go. Fifty pounds less than before, though.

Note: I lost 13 of those pounds before surgery, so I haven't lost 50 in five months. I think it's important to let people know that, particularly if you're considering surgery or just got your band.

I think I may have lost that last pound from sheer stress. I made salmon and scallops provencal last night for my in-laws, which went well despite losing power at 3.45 pm and then having it go on and off intermittently for the next couple of hours. I did what I could on the gas cooktop with the side dishes and we ended up grilling the salmon since the oven was a no-go.

After about 5.30 pm, the power was just off, no flashes back on. So it got hot and then my 7-year-old started throwing up. I spent the rest of the evening doing dishes by candlelight and cleaning puke out of three bathrooms (clorox is my friend), one bedroom rug and a couch by flashlight.

Power came back on sometime after 1 am, so this morning I whipped the Magic Machine into action:

Do you have one of these? They. Are. Awesome. The Bissell Little Green is a lifesaver, particularly with small children who tend to vomit without regard for upholstered furniture or bedroom carpeting.

That's the latest. I'm not sure what kind of curse we've got going on with our utilities, we've lost power a lot lately and had a water main break that shut down the street for 12 hours last Friday. Plus, the boiler went, a water pressurizer blew up in the basement and the upstairs air conditioning went on the fritz a couple weeks ago.

Please send good utility karma to me this week. I'll need it.

I Did It! I Exercised!

The thunderstorms everyone was calling for never materialized, so I managed to squeeze in 30 minutes of laps in the pool this afternoon. I am so out of shape that I could only do breast stroke, with the occasional freestyle added in. Lame much? Anyway, I did it. Go me.

Thanks for the party suggestions. The board members are bringing wine, so we should have at least 10 bottles and I'll have five or six on hand to keep things moving along. So nerve-wracking, this party throwing thing. I've never once hosted a cocktail party. Ridiculous, right? We have a party once a year, and it's catered by Planet Pizza. That's the level of entertaining we usually do.

Gilly posted a completely awesome recipe for a quinoa summer salad. I made it yesterday and it's delicious. You can throw anything in this salad and it's great. I used fresh mozzarella and added some chopped cucumber and red onion. So good. Try it.

It's been a crazy day. I'm still reeling from Tipper and Al's breakup, and now we've lost another Golden Girl. Jeesh.

Water, water everywhere

Damn water. Scale was up 2.5 pounds from yesterday. Damn damn damn. So today I drink and drink and drink. Oh, it'll come off. Just watch.

In other news, I need to start swimming. Or walking. Something. I am astonished by how f-ing lazy I am. Truly. It's embarrassing.

Stressful end of the school year stuff happening here. I need to buy teacher gifts. I'm hosting a nursery school "new families" cocktail party for 60 next week. (WTF was I thinking? Had no idea there were that many new families. It's a small school.) Lots of gardening and landscaping needs to be done by then. Oy.

Is anyone out there a party planner? How much wine do I need for 60 adults? Please God let the weather be OK so some of this can be outside. Helllllpppppp.

Forty-Nine!

Fifty is soooooo close.

One Minivan, Two Kids, Seven States

Home at last! I drove through seven states with my 4-year-old and one-year-old, stopping along the way to visit family. (The Hubs stayed home so the oldest child could march in the parade with his Cub Scout pack.)

We ended up at my brother's house in Virginia for a combination Memorial Day/my niece's 4th birthday party. It's a six-hour drive that requires me to go through the Bronx, over the George Washington Bridge, the entire length of the New Jersey turnpike, I-95 and the Washington Beltway. Kinda stressful driving.

I passed the time listening to audiobooks on my iPod while my son watched Kipper and the baby slept. I'm late in the game on this one, but Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers" is fascinating, particularly from the perspective of a parent with young children. He debunks the idea that some people are naturally gifted, and shows how a combination of circumstances, luck and hard work is responsible for success. Really thought-provoking.

Then I listened to "Sh*t My Dad Says," by Justin Halpern and could not stop laughing. It's hysterical, as long as you don't mind an f-bomb every other word. My son kept asking why I was laughing and why he couldn't listen to it.

Confession time: I ate horribly this weekend. There was a lot of good food, and I partook. Nothing band-unfriendly, because who wants to hog the bathroom sliming and throwing up during a party. But there was cake. And a cookie or two. And dips and all kinds of stuff. But still, it didn't hold a candle to what I would have eaten pre-band.

The scale has not yet registered my poor eating - I weighed in at 218.5 today, just a half pound above my lowest. I'm expecting a bounce or three this week, but I want to start losing again. NOW.

Thanks for all your comments on the relationships post. It's something to think about. Our weight loss affects the people closest to us, mostly for the better but sometimes in ways we don't expect. I was happy to hear your thoughts.

New World Order in Our Relationships

I've read a few blogs lately where relationships are shifting as a result of this huge weight loss we're all experiencing. I commented on one that it's kind of like when the Cold War ended and all of a sudden all hell broke loose in Eastern Europe.

For many of us, our weight was the Soviet Union, the #1 concern of our daily lives. We still functioned and worked and had friendships and vacations and took care of our families, but the general focus of many of our thoughts was weight, our frustration with it, the things we were missing out on because of it, etc.

As the weight falls away, the New World Order emerges and we begin to focus on other areas of our lives (Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia, I'm looking at you!). That's when we realize that resolving the BIG ISSUE doesn't magically solve the other problems in our lives, including relationship problems that may have been lurking under the surface.

Most of us have read or heard from our surgeons that divorce rates are higher for WLS patients. Sometimes it's because the patient decides s/he *can* do better and doesn't have to spend the rest of her life in a bad situation, sometimes it's because the spouse can't cope with the massive change. Sometimes the patient goes crazy and wants to have the 20s she never had, drinking and partying and flirting.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. If your relationships is rock-solid before you lose weight, you'll be even better afterward because you'll be happier which will make your partner happier. On the other side, if cracks are showing they could easily turn into fault lines.

Now, don't go thinking I'm divorcing my husband and running off with the mailman. We've been married for nine years and we love each other. No relationship is perfect, but I don't see any major problems arising from my weight loss. I wonder sometimes how it might affect us, though. Pretty sure the Hubs is hoping it means he scores more often.

I do think this is important enough to discuss here, though. That's why I'm writing about it today, and I want to hear what you all think about it.

Have you run into this? Does it concern you? If you have experienced this, what did you do to shore up your relationship?

My Pants Fit!

In 2007 I was on a phentermine and Wellbutrin diet (works like a charm until you stop taking the meds, btw) and lost a bunch of weight before my sister's wedding. I also worked out like a fiend, going to the gym at 6 am Monday-Friday for six months.

Anyway, I had a bunch of summery pants from that summer sitting in my drawer. I tried one pair a few weeks ago and it was a no-go. It's supposed to be 90ish today, so I tried again and they FIT. Comfortably!

The scale is still up a pound from my lowest, but I'm trying to be all Zen about it.

Maybe I'll even swim some laps today...

Is It Time for a Freak-Out?

I had a big eating day. Which can mean one of two things:

1. The unfill just kicked in and I don't have good restriction and I am going to wreak havoc with my pretty decent weight loss.
2. It's around the same time of the month that I typically see a surge in hunger and eating.

I think it's #2. Which means it should go away after a day or two. But so far today I've had:
B: zone bar
L: bean burrito (minus the tortilla) at local Mexican restaurant, plus 20 chips and salsa and about a tablespoon of guac
D: portobello gardenburger with 1 slice American cheese, tomato and mozzarella with balsamic vinegar

And frosting from a cupcake. Oh, and two (2) Cadbury Creme Eggs. They've been in my fridge for more than a week, untouched.

Ugh.

Also, I really need to start exercising. What a lazybones.

Hungry Hungry Hippo

Well, I'm not a hippo but for some reason the name of that game (remember the commercial jingle?) popped into my head as I started to write about being hungry today. Maybe not hungry exactly, but in a snackin' kind of mood. It hasn't been a train wreck, but there's been more eating today than in recent days.

The rehearsal dinner and wedding were just beautiful. Great weather, fun people, good music and great food - couldn't ask for anything more. I'm exhausted today, going to head to bed soon.

I started the bathing suit challenge at 233.5 and ended today at 218.5 -- a loss of 15 pounds in less than two months. I'm happy with that, and ready to jump into another challenge. I'm 2.5 pounds from 50... let's hope this is a big-losing week.