Goodbye 2009!

I can't say this has been a terrible year for me, as it was for so many people, because our daughter was born in May and she is a joy to all of us (even her brothers). But my hormones always go nutty after having a baby, so getting myself back on an even keel was key. And making the decision to have this surgery put me into a positive, hopeful state of mind.

So, yesterday was a godawful pre-op diet day. I won't go into the ugly details other than to say I better get my ass in gear for the last few days. It'll be super awkward if my surgeon goes in and my liver stretches to my knees.

I am still struggling with a final goal weight, so I will ask all of you: How did you determine your goal? Did your doctor give you a number, or did you have one in mind?

Have a safe, fun New Year's Eve. I expect I'll be in bed by 10 pm. So ring it in with a little extra enthusiasm for me!

All Clear

My surgeon's office called a little while ago. My pre-op test results were fine. I have to report to the hospital at 6.15 on Monday morning, nothing by mouth after midnight and clear liquids all day Sunday.

I am feeling calmer today about the changes ahead, thanks to reassurances from Vanessa and Nicole, and from the positive things I read on everyone's blogs.

Tonight we're going to dinner with some old friends who are in town for the holidays. They picked the place, and when I tried to check out the menu to see what I could order, I found: "There are no menus at [restaurant]. Instead, guests are presented with a list of over a hundred ingredients, updated daily, which contains the best offerings from the field and market."

So that'll be an adventure.

Minor Freak-Out Happening

I had my pre-op chest x-ray and bloodwork today. And I'm kind of freaking out about the changes ahead. I've been thinking about having this surgery on and off for four years, and seriously pursuing it for a few months. But now that it's less than a week away, I'm starting to mentally go through all the things I won't be able to eat. It makes me sad and, oddly, a little panicky.

I know this isn't all that unusual, and I've had moments here and there along the way but today it seems more extreme.

Big deep breath. This will be a change for the better in my life. Much better. Right?

Setting Goals

Whew - thank goodness Christmas is over! Cookies, cookies everywhere. They are mostly gone, and I didn't eat all of them so I'm going to call it a victory and move on. The scale this morning said 253.5 but I think that may go up with the usual hormonal shifts.

I'm at T-minus one week until surgery. I've been reading lots of blogs - it's so, so helpful to read your stories and updates. Thank you for being so forthcoming.

Two non-scale victories I'm looking forward to:
Being free of foot pain.
Being able to wear my engagement ring again.

I'm not sure what my ultimate goal is. The charts say 130ish, although it varies from 117 to 134. Honestly, I just can't imagine myself weighing 130 pounds. That seems like an unattainable goal. So we'll have to see about that.

How did you come up with your ultimate goal weight?

Waiting for surgery day

My surgery is scheduled for January 4th. I am supposed to try to lose some weight before then, so my liver will be smaller for the surgery (the surgeon has to move the liver to get to the stomach). This isn't entirely easy with Christmas around the corner, but it hasn't been as bad as I feared. This morning I weighed 256.5, 10 pounds lower than my highest weight.

I am Slim-Fasting for breakfast, trying to avoid too much bread and snacking.

I've been spending a lot of time reading blogs and watching YouTube videos of people documenting their experiences and weight loss with the band. It's interesting - I am by nature a pessimist. But I have never felt more hopeful about the possibilities ahead than I do now. I am SO READY for this, so ready to feel better and have more energy and look better and shop in regular stores and not feel awkward and self-conscious all the time.

New Year's Day marks the start of a new decade. My life on the cusp of 2000 was wildly different than it is now -- I was a single journalist living in New York City and had just started dating the guy who would be my husband. I was almost 100 pounds thinner, running regularly. The Sept. 11 terrorist attacks hadn't happened yet. It was a different world.

Most of this decade has been devoted to building our family. My husband and I married in 2001 and had our first son 10 months later. Talk about the shock of a lifetime! Motherhood wasn't a smooth or easy transition for me, but now I am in it whole hog. And there's nowhere else I'd rather be.

We have three children now, all blessedly healthy. I am ready to nurture myself so that I can continue to nurture them.