Thanks to all of you who took time over the Easter holiday to reply to my weekend posts. I'm kind of confused about what's happened with this latest fill. I think it might be loosening up a bit and maybe I'm chafing at the "new" restrictions on my eating. For example, yesterday I had a protein shake and 1/2 cup of black bean soup blended. Then, when we had guests here for Easter, I ate the creamy part of some deviled eggs and had a slice of provolone cheese. Umm, and some cheesecake that our cousins brought. That, unfortunately, went down just fine.
In fact, I was craving sweets alllll day yesterday and started getting worried that because I'm so tight I was going for the easiest stuff to eat. But last night I got my period so I think maybe the sweets were the result of an unfortunate confluence of Easter candy and cakes with hormonal cravings. At least, I really hope so.
This morning I woke up hungry. I tried the tiniest bites of cottage cheese (1/3 of a baby spoon - seriously tiny) and it just didn't go down comfortably. But for some reason when I decided to try a Zone bar, as long as I took tiny bites and chewed really well it went down OK.
Which makes me think maybe this is loosening up a bit and maybe all the rules I've been hearing about that I haven't had to follow religiously so far -- small bites, waiting between bites, stopping at the first feeling of fullness -- are really kicking in now.
So I'm going to give it another couple of days, trying to adapt to the rules. The difference from 5.5 cc's to 5.75 cc's required a bigger change in my eating habits than 0-4 cc's or 4-5.5 cc's. Strange.
The down side is, I'm so anxious about what I can or can't eat, that I'm definitely not enjoying the not-thinking-about-food-at-all benefit I keep hearing about from everyone.
About my doctor: Yeah, he acted like a dick on this one. He also was kind of a jerk at my appointment when he asked what I was eating and I answered truthfully that I was able to eat most anything and was doing pretty well (lost 8 lbs in a month) but could still eat a slice of pizza. He nodded and then said, "Well, why did you eat pizza? Why would you have that?" I immediately felt awkward and embarrassed and stumbled over some explanation. But later I thought, what the fuck? Does this mean he doesn't think I should have pizza ever again? Does HE never have pizza?
That, together with the "Well, I'm not going to open you up just so you can eat," comment (I didn't ask him to "open me up," I called to ask what he thought I should do since I could only have liquids at that time), just irritates the hell out of me. I didn't get this surgery to drink my meals from now on. I plan to talk to him about all of this when I see him next. His attitude is condescending.
Vanessa, I actually did think about going to see Ren/Fielding/Kurian if I need to. I'm going to hold off right now because it would be such a production for me to get there, it would take up most of a day between driving in and out, parking and enduring the wait times I hear about in their office. But I may do it if he keeps up this nonsense.
I agree. The doc was a dick. I would tell him when you see him. I too don't want to have to drink my food for the rest of my life and if I had to eat what they think is "nutritious" food only, I wouldn't need the band. If eating right worked, I'd be thin. Sometimes they don't really know how we feel. He is a surgeon and probably has heard a lot of crap and just thinks you are grouped in with the rest. And if he keeps it up, change docs if you can. Some of them do get it.
ReplyDeleteYou could always drive up to Glastonbury(where my doctor is) :0)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it's a far drive ..but less traffic..
That's doc has a terrible attitude and I hope talking to him about it helps..
Good luck!
Hi Kristin - just wanted to let you know that my band tends to really tighten up when I have my period, so you may want to pay attention to that as well. You might be loosening up, but certain foods may go down a bit tougher this week especially. Sorry that you're having such trouble with your doc and this last fill. Hoping things continue to loosen and you're able to eat without anxiety. Ugh!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, congrats on kicking my (and everyone else's butt) in the challenge! Second of all, you Dr. sounds like the biggest dick on the planet! I get so sick of doctors treating us like crap, and we take it, because in the back of our mind, we think that this person has some kind of right to be mean just because he's a Dr. I hope you rip his face off.
ReplyDeleteAwww Kristin-- I totally think you are in the 'red zone' but you are doing so well! YOu are totally amazing to hang in there and NOT be eating ice cream and cheesecake constantly. NOT SUGGESTING THIS!!
ReplyDeleteRemember: the red zone includes: difficulty eating, desiring unhealthy choices, and also night coughing and difficulty handling salive (I think.) In one of my recent posts, I had a picture of the poster up... check that out if you want to see for yourself and decide based on your own self assessment. I certainly wouldn't say you're in the 'green zone.' Too much suffering.
I hope I am not making things worse-- I am really trying to be supportive and encourage you to speak up for yourself if you want to do so. You don't need Ren/ Kurian/ Fielding-- there might be other docs in your area to transfer your case to.
And that fucker about the pizza. FUCK HIM. What a fucking ASSHOLE!!
Just as a counterpoint-- when I've sheepishly told Dr. Ren that I like to have a small piece of chocolate on most days-- she has been ENCOURAGING to me about it. "Have it!"
I think the point is that our surgeons need to be responsive to who WE ARE as patients. You are obviously an "A" student and a pleaser. You would do anything to succeed and your doctor is sub-standard on the intelligence bar if he doesn't get that.
There is NOTHING wrong with a goddamn piece of pizza and vilifying foods is NOT what the band is about.
Oh my god, your doctor makes me want to commit harey-carey.
Anyhow: I truly hope you continue to feel better and also-- I find that the zone bars go down great too. So maybe that's your answer for the time being. They are 12 grams of protein EACH and very yummy.
Last: how about a daily glass of wine? That relaxes the stoma a bit and 'costs' you not more than about 150 to 200 calories. You may find yourself slightly more capable of getting solids down after having a little alcohol.
Just some thoughts.
lots of love and hugs
I'm glad you are going to talk to the doctor and possibly switch to a new one? I don't like his philosophy. Like you, I didn't get the band to drink my meals! Keep us posted. I'm really interested to hear what he has to say about that.
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