Our Friend Barbara Needs Our Love & Support Right Now

Hi everyone,

Barbara has just gotten some terrible news from her husband's doctors. Please send some love and good wishes her way.

We love you, Barbara.

xoxo

Sweeeeeeeeeet

Well, if this is the sweet spot then I am loving it.

The difference between being overfilled and being in my sweet spot is like night and day. When I was overfilled, I couldn't stop thinking about food, worrying about what I could eat, feeling frustrated and bitter that I couldn't have what I wanted because I'd throw it up, be uncomfortable, etc.

Since I had a little unfill on Tuesday, it's as if the thoughts of food have been wiped from my mind. It's not that I *never* think about it, but it really is just like a breath of fresh air. I feel like a slate has been wiped clean. My hunger has been minimal, and my meals (as long as I take them slowly and chew well) have been satisfying and pleasurable. And the scale starting moving - down - again.

This morning the scale showed that I've sustained the losses of the last few days, which was a nice surprise. I had expected a bounce.

I did have a head hunger/stress eating episode today, but my band prevented me from doing any real damage, pulling in the reins so I couldn't eat many calories. I don't feel guilty about it, I'm not castigating myself over my weakness and failure, etc, as I usually do. It happened, I really need to work on finding another way to handle stress, but no major harm was done.

I'm really going to have to drink A LOT of water tomorrow and Saturday; we have a rehearsal dinner on Friday night and wedding reception on Saturday night -- not ideal conditions for going into the final weigh-in of the Bathing Suit Challenge. I know Joey and Gilly have a lock on the winning spot, but I want to have a good showing!

I know the sweet spot can be as elusive as a unicorn, so I am going to enjoy it as long as I have it.

Finally, some of my comments on your blogs have been disappearing. No idea why. But if I usually comment and haven't been, you can assume that I wrote something incredibly thoughtful and insightful and upbeat about your latest post, and it just got lost in a cyberspace black hole. ;)

Singing and Dancing

That's how I feel today, at least in terms of my band - like singing and dancing. It is such a relief to not be scared to death to eat. And I know this sounds crazy, but my hunger and food thoughts fell through the floor as soon as that teeeeny bit of fluid was taken out of my band. I ate decently today, but I didn't have the mental torment (OK, that's dramatic; mental distraction is more accurate) that I often find I have.

The scale showed another pound gone this morning. I fully expect a giant BOUNCE tomorrow morning but right now I am 2.5 pounds away from hitting 50 pounds down. So looking forward to that.

Funny NSV today - our contractor stopped by to check on work he did to fix some storm damage on our house. He's an older guy, maybe late 60s, really nice. He kept looking at me funny as he was leaving, then he said, "Have you lost weight?" I smiled and said yes, I've been trying. And then he said, "Wow. Yeah, you've lost A LOT."

It was kind of awkward and totally charming at the same time.

I also went to my son's first grade concert this morning, and two of the parents there noticed that I've lost weight.

So that's all good. Keep your fingers crossed for me that hunger (real and imagined) stays away.

AHHHHHHHHH

Sweet relief! Just got back from doctor's office, he took out 0.25 cc's so I'm back to 5.5 cc's in my band. He was nice and concerned but seemed to be feeling me out to see if I just wanted to have an eating party. I told him I thought the simpler and more likely explanation is that my band was too tight. I would have preferred him to take 0.1 cc's and he suggested 0.5 cc's so we compromised on 0.25.

I'll be taking it easy but now at least I feel like as long as I'm careful I won't be throwing up. Please dear Lord don't let me throw up anymore.

I'm a little worried that I'll gain weight, but I'll just have to be extra careful. I hope that by taking some of the fluid out I will be at or near my sweet spot rather than into the red, overfilled zone.

I lost two pounds overnight, I'm sure from getting sick but I'm officially in the two-teens (by a half pound, but still...). For now, anyway. I'm counting it.

She's Not Really That Stupid, Is She?

Yes! Yes, I really am that stupid.

Had a vomiting episode this afternoon, called my surgeon to see if I can get an unfill (still haven't heard back). Decided to take it easy, had nothing for a few hours, then a few sips of water, then a baby spoon of hummus, then some cream of chicken soup.

I should have stopped there and gone to bed. Things would have been just fine if I'd done that.

Instead, I decided since all those things went down OK, it would be fine to have an artichoke. You can guess how that went - it was so awful my eyeballs are sore.

Side note: I'm kind of obsessed about this, and I don't really know why because I already have a band so there's no going back now. But when people describe a PB (productive burp) in posts or on LapBandTalk, I always envisioned coughing up some food. What I'm experiencing is full-on vomiting, without the nausea but with violent heaving. Is this how the regurgitation goes for you? It's sooooo not what I imagined. And it sooooo sucks.

I'm going to try to get in for a little unfill tomorrow. I don't know what happened, how my band got so much tighter than it was. But it sucks. AND I'M NOT LOSING WEIGHT.

VROOOOOOM!

This morning I notice that I am half hungry for the crab leftovers from dinner last night but at the same time I'm borderline nauseated. Not in a big way, just on a low level.

SO. WEIRD. And annoying.

Forgot to say, at the birthday party on Friday I obviously couldn't have pizza so I ordered a meatball sandwich and ate one of the meatballs. It worked great for me, I took tiny bites but was still able to sit with everyone and eat. Someone else polished off the rest of the sandwich and I had a small slice of cake later. I was happy that I could feel like I was joining in the party without going overboard or, worse, trying to eat pizza and spending half the time in the bathroom throwing up.

The Hubs left for a three-day business trip, which will include a NASCAR-style driving course for all the firm's partners. The most senior partner has an adventure streak a mile long. Last year they went hot-air ballooning and whitewater rafting in Colorado Springs.

My husband is the least excitement-seeking person I've ever met in my life. He doesn't drink or gamble or dance (except with the kids). His one nonfamily hobby is playing bridge. I laugh every time I think about him driving a race car.

Rough Band Day

The birthday celebration was awesome, although the birthday girl was pretty clueless about what was going on. She enjoyed her taste of chocolate frosting, and her brothers had the time of their lives "helping" her open her gifts.

I haven't had any PB or even much in the way of stuck problems since April 25. Well, I broke my streak today and it was awful. I was giving the baby some turkey lunch meat, and I had a few bites. Guess I didn't chew well or took too many bites too fast, and after about 30 minutes of sliming and pain it came up - heaving and gagging and all kinds of misery.

My throat has been sore and irritated for the rest of the day, so I had some blended black bean soup, water and a little very moist salmon tonight with a glass of wine.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.

My Baby Is One Today

I mean my real baby, my third child and only daughter, not my band. When my oldest son was born, people kept telling me the time would fly. Lemme tell you, it took about 17 years for that kid to hit three months old.

This year, probably because I've been busy with three kids rather than just one baby, has flown. I kept trying to remind myself to enjoy every minute because she is (probably) our last baby.

A year ago, I was in an operating room having surgery. The anesthesiologist had a thing for Motown (as do I) and "My Girl" came on just as my obstetrician showed me my red, screaming, messy newborn.

She has been my easiest baby, sweet and cuddly and darling from day one. She brings out the gentle, protective side of her lightsaber-wielding brothers. A stubborn streak is starting to emerge, and when she's mad she slams her head back onto the floor, just like her brother used to do. I'm smarter now, so I don't dive to protect her head. After a few good thunks she'll figure out it isn't in her best interest to keep it up.

So far, she's celebrated by gnawing on her toes and crawling up the stairs over and over. We're decorating the kitchen for a family pizza party, and the boys will help me decorate her cake.

Watching her grow this year, and seeing all three kids getting older and wiser and more observant, I am so grateful that I have this band to help me get healthier. I want to live long enough to see their kids torment them the way they do me.

On that topic, two of the extra pounds were gone this morning, and yesterday was a good eating day. I made a real effort to eat solids rather than sliders, and to eat whenever I was truly hungry. I took the kids to a diner last night, and I had two poached eggs and a few slices of bacon. Later, when my husband was having dinner at home, I had some olives and Pellegrino. (The bubbles don't bother me at all, btw.) I'll aim to do the same thing today, focusing on solid proteins.

Head Hunger Hell

Yesterday was a tough head hunger day. I would like to tell you I fought valiantly and ultimately won, but that isn't how it went down. I really felt hungry early in the day, and just kept eating. The food got less nutritious and more crappy as the day progressed.

This morning I can barely get my engagement ring on, my stomach feels crappy, the scale is up 2.5 pounds from my low and I just am not sure what happened yesterday.

I had a shake this morning, which has filled me up to the point of being nauseated. I'll shoot for high-quality food and take it meal by meal.

Blech.

For Jacquie

For some reason, I can't comment on anyone's blog right now. I wanted to let you know I am terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your dad and brother-in-law. You are in my thoughts and prayers.