After all the whootenanny talk, with the powders and the Barbies and the traumatized four-year-olds, I decided to go professional. Got a bikini wax today. Couple things:
1. It didn't hurt. Not like you hear, anyway.
2. It was more thorough than any gyno exam I've had, and I *didn't* get a Brazilian. I can't even fathom how that would work.
3. I am virtually certain I'm the fattest person this woman has ever waxed, but bless her she was lovely the entire time. And I tipped her well for her trouble.
It's been kind of a shit day. I'm three pounds above my Sunday low. I'm on the verge of tears. I was starving all morning, didn't make very good choices. Got a call from my son's teacher than he's lying, but almost exclusively about food -- trying to buy lunch after he eats what we've packed him, trying to finagle a second snack from her after he eats the one from home, etc. I don't even know where to begin. I called the pediatrician to ask for help.
We leave on Sunday to visit my parents in Florida, just me and the kids. The Hubs has to stay home and work for a living.
I've flown a lot with the boys - they're pro travelers - but never with all three of them before. I'm girding my (newly waxed) loins for shlepping three kids, a car seat, stroller, bottles, snacks, sandwiches and various carry-on items through security, on and off the plane and through two airports. Pray for me. I need it.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Still Too Tight? Not Sure
Things seem to have loosened up a bit, but I'm still feeling more constricted than I'd like to be. Example: This morning I had a protein shake (haven't done these since post-surgery days but I want to be sure I'm getting protein in). By 12.30 I was STARVING so got some chili from Wendy's. Had a couple bites, it wasn't going down terribly smoothly. I would have had to slow down A LOT. Like, five minutes between bites. And I was realllllly hungry.
So I blended it to make it go down easier so I could stop feeling so hungry. Is that bad? Does it mean I'm eating around the band? I finished it and I'm not hungry now, feeling pretty satisfied.
I do find that I'm still feeling unsatisfied a lot of the time. I've looked at that yellow/green/red zone chart two or three times. Sigh. I go away this weekend for a week with the kids to Florida, if I'm not feeling a lot better by the time I come back, I'm having some fluid taken out.
So I blended it to make it go down easier so I could stop feeling so hungry. Is that bad? Does it mean I'm eating around the band? I finished it and I'm not hungry now, feeling pretty satisfied.
I do find that I'm still feeling unsatisfied a lot of the time. I've looked at that yellow/green/red zone chart two or three times. Sigh. I go away this weekend for a week with the kids to Florida, if I'm not feeling a lot better by the time I come back, I'm having some fluid taken out.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Gen - As You Requested!
Hi Gen!
I'm only three months out, and my weight loss has been erratic, to say the least. But here's a recap of my losses:
Pre-op (from first surgeon visit October 2009): -13 pounds.
Surgery: 1.4.10
January: -16.5 pounds.
February: - 1.5 pounds.
March: - 4.5 pounds.
April: - 5 pounds (so far).
I'm on the slower end of losing, for sure. Thanks for asking, I'll be interested to see what everyone else has to say.
I'm only three months out, and my weight loss has been erratic, to say the least. But here's a recap of my losses:
Pre-op (from first surgeon visit October 2009): -13 pounds.
Surgery: 1.4.10
January: -16.5 pounds.
February: - 1.5 pounds.
March: - 4.5 pounds.
April: - 5 pounds (so far).
I'm on the slower end of losing, for sure. Thanks for asking, I'll be interested to see what everyone else has to say.
Jon Gosselin, Tiki Barber... Who's Next?
WHAT IS IT WITH THESE GUYS? First of all, Jon Gosselin has to be the biggest idiot EVER. I know, his ex is no prize either, but seriously...
And now the NY Post is reporting that Tiki Barber has left his wife and two sons for a 23-year-old blonde NBC intern. Oh, and his wife (they met in college and have been together for 16 years) is eight months pregnant. With twins.
Plus, Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy broke up, which is a shame.
Rough couple days in celebrity world.
At least Prince WIlliam is gonna make an honest woman out of Kate Middleton. Someday.
This concludes our celebrity gossip roundup.
PS I've gained two pounds since my Sunday low. This week isn't looking good for me in the Swimsuit Challenge.
And now the NY Post is reporting that Tiki Barber has left his wife and two sons for a 23-year-old blonde NBC intern. Oh, and his wife (they met in college and have been together for 16 years) is eight months pregnant. With twins.
Plus, Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy broke up, which is a shame.
Rough couple days in celebrity world.
At least Prince WIlliam is gonna make an honest woman out of Kate Middleton. Someday.
This concludes our celebrity gossip roundup.
PS I've gained two pounds since my Sunday low. This week isn't looking good for me in the Swimsuit Challenge.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Good Stuff
1. SOMEONE NOTICED! One of my son's nursery school teachers looked at me and said, "You're looking great!" I could have kissed her.
2. I bought a new summer purse to celebrate my 40-pounds-lost mark. Not a great photo, but here it is:
3. I got my nails done last week and noticed that my legs don't look as much like tree trunks anymore. There's a slight taper toward the knee. It's a subtle difference, but I'm claiming it.
2. I bought a new summer purse to celebrate my 40-pounds-lost mark. Not a great photo, but here it is:
3. I got my nails done last week and noticed that my legs don't look as much like tree trunks anymore. There's a slight taper toward the knee. It's a subtle difference, but I'm claiming it.
Verrrry Cautious
I'm feeling a better today, and treating my band like a fragile little flower. Protein shake this morning, hummus for lunch, you get the idea.
I decided to hold off on calling the surgeon. For one thing, I was up two pounds today from my Sunday low weight. DRAT that cheesecake that goes down fine with a tight band. Also, JennyR at Life's Little Journey mentioned that her band is tighter during her period, and I'm on day 3 so I will be able to see in a couple days if things loosen up. Jennifer at Jen's Lap Band Journey said she went through a similar thing in March and her doctor didn't want to remove any fluid either, and then her band loosened up a bit after she lost some el-bees.
And I do think some of my freaking out might be related to the idea that I really need to eat much. more. slowly. now.
Meanwhile, Amy over at Babbles of a Bandster wrote something that gave me a Eureka! moment. I've been angsting that while I am physically full, I am still looking, looking and thinking about food. She said, "I feel physically full when I eat, but I have no relief from hunger." YES! THAT'S IT! I'm not the only one!
The even better part is, Amy's PA said that's not so unusual. Once again, the blogs save me from feeling like I am going down in flames. Fat flames.
So for now I eat liquids and a few mushies, take it easy for a few days and see how things go. I'm logging my food intake on LoseIt! to keep track of calories. If I have more PBs or throwing up, I'll call the surgeon. Thanks for the love, ladies. It's much appreciated.
I decided to hold off on calling the surgeon. For one thing, I was up two pounds today from my Sunday low weight. DRAT that cheesecake that goes down fine with a tight band. Also, JennyR at Life's Little Journey mentioned that her band is tighter during her period, and I'm on day 3 so I will be able to see in a couple days if things loosen up. Jennifer at Jen's Lap Band Journey said she went through a similar thing in March and her doctor didn't want to remove any fluid either, and then her band loosened up a bit after she lost some el-bees.
And I do think some of my freaking out might be related to the idea that I really need to eat much. more. slowly. now.
Meanwhile, Amy over at Babbles of a Bandster wrote something that gave me a Eureka! moment. I've been angsting that while I am physically full, I am still looking, looking and thinking about food. She said, "I feel physically full when I eat, but I have no relief from hunger." YES! THAT'S IT! I'm not the only one!
The even better part is, Amy's PA said that's not so unusual. Once again, the blogs save me from feeling like I am going down in flames. Fat flames.
So for now I eat liquids and a few mushies, take it easy for a few days and see how things go. I'm logging my food intake on LoseIt! to keep track of calories. If I have more PBs or throwing up, I'll call the surgeon. Thanks for the love, ladies. It's much appreciated.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Excuse Me While I Vomit
OK, who was it who said PBing isn't really like throwing up? WHO? C'mon, stand up and be a man and tell the truth.
You lied! For shame.
Because let me tell you, my first real soup-to-nuts PB was **exactly** like throwing up. It was horrible. My husband yelled into the bathroom that he would hold my hair if I wanted (though I suspect he only offered because he knew my hair was already in a ponytail).
I've had a couple of faux PB's, once on a large antibiotic pill and once on pretzels I ate too quickly. Neither time did anything actually come up.
Today, however, the two very small crackers smeared with cream cheese and topped with the most delicate nova lox came back up. And it was ugly. (Closer inspection - in the toilet bowl - showed that I did indeed chew everything quite thoroughly.)
I had some chili for lunch today, chewed it well and it went down OK. Also had a turkey-and-cheese rollup, which when chewed into oblivion, did OK. I had a test cracker, just the cracker, chewed it well and it was OK. But then I tried the cracker-cream cheese-nova combo for dinner, and it was an unmitigated disaster.
Sigh.
I'm thinking I'll call the doc tomorrow and see if he'll take out some of this fill. I'm nervous that a) he'll refuse outright and then I'll have to find another doctor because I just can't handle jackasses; b) he'll insist on taking out the whole fill, all 5.75 cc's to let me rest and then I'll gain a ton of weight; or c) he'll take some out and then I'll be starving again.
I don't know what to do.
I've had a sore throat all day, at the very bottom of my throat, probably from acid. Not heartburn exactly, but I don't think it's a regular sore throat, it feels further back.
Ugh. Not my best day.
You lied! For shame.
Because let me tell you, my first real soup-to-nuts PB was **exactly** like throwing up. It was horrible. My husband yelled into the bathroom that he would hold my hair if I wanted (though I suspect he only offered because he knew my hair was already in a ponytail).
I've had a couple of faux PB's, once on a large antibiotic pill and once on pretzels I ate too quickly. Neither time did anything actually come up.
Today, however, the two very small crackers smeared with cream cheese and topped with the most delicate nova lox came back up. And it was ugly. (Closer inspection - in the toilet bowl - showed that I did indeed chew everything quite thoroughly.)
I had some chili for lunch today, chewed it well and it went down OK. Also had a turkey-and-cheese rollup, which when chewed into oblivion, did OK. I had a test cracker, just the cracker, chewed it well and it was OK. But then I tried the cracker-cream cheese-nova combo for dinner, and it was an unmitigated disaster.
Sigh.
I'm thinking I'll call the doc tomorrow and see if he'll take out some of this fill. I'm nervous that a) he'll refuse outright and then I'll have to find another doctor because I just can't handle jackasses; b) he'll insist on taking out the whole fill, all 5.75 cc's to let me rest and then I'll gain a ton of weight; or c) he'll take some out and then I'll be starving again.
I don't know what to do.
I've had a sore throat all day, at the very bottom of my throat, probably from acid. Not heartburn exactly, but I don't think it's a regular sore throat, it feels further back.
Ugh. Not my best day.
Holier Than Thou Doctor
Thanks to all of you who took time over the Easter holiday to reply to my weekend posts. I'm kind of confused about what's happened with this latest fill. I think it might be loosening up a bit and maybe I'm chafing at the "new" restrictions on my eating. For example, yesterday I had a protein shake and 1/2 cup of black bean soup blended. Then, when we had guests here for Easter, I ate the creamy part of some deviled eggs and had a slice of provolone cheese. Umm, and some cheesecake that our cousins brought. That, unfortunately, went down just fine.
In fact, I was craving sweets alllll day yesterday and started getting worried that because I'm so tight I was going for the easiest stuff to eat. But last night I got my period so I think maybe the sweets were the result of an unfortunate confluence of Easter candy and cakes with hormonal cravings. At least, I really hope so.
This morning I woke up hungry. I tried the tiniest bites of cottage cheese (1/3 of a baby spoon - seriously tiny) and it just didn't go down comfortably. But for some reason when I decided to try a Zone bar, as long as I took tiny bites and chewed really well it went down OK.
Which makes me think maybe this is loosening up a bit and maybe all the rules I've been hearing about that I haven't had to follow religiously so far -- small bites, waiting between bites, stopping at the first feeling of fullness -- are really kicking in now.
So I'm going to give it another couple of days, trying to adapt to the rules. The difference from 5.5 cc's to 5.75 cc's required a bigger change in my eating habits than 0-4 cc's or 4-5.5 cc's. Strange.
The down side is, I'm so anxious about what I can or can't eat, that I'm definitely not enjoying the not-thinking-about-food-at-all benefit I keep hearing about from everyone.
About my doctor: Yeah, he acted like a dick on this one. He also was kind of a jerk at my appointment when he asked what I was eating and I answered truthfully that I was able to eat most anything and was doing pretty well (lost 8 lbs in a month) but could still eat a slice of pizza. He nodded and then said, "Well, why did you eat pizza? Why would you have that?" I immediately felt awkward and embarrassed and stumbled over some explanation. But later I thought, what the fuck? Does this mean he doesn't think I should have pizza ever again? Does HE never have pizza?
That, together with the "Well, I'm not going to open you up just so you can eat," comment (I didn't ask him to "open me up," I called to ask what he thought I should do since I could only have liquids at that time), just irritates the hell out of me. I didn't get this surgery to drink my meals from now on. I plan to talk to him about all of this when I see him next. His attitude is condescending.
Vanessa, I actually did think about going to see Ren/Fielding/Kurian if I need to. I'm going to hold off right now because it would be such a production for me to get there, it would take up most of a day between driving in and out, parking and enduring the wait times I hear about in their office. But I may do it if he keeps up this nonsense.
In fact, I was craving sweets alllll day yesterday and started getting worried that because I'm so tight I was going for the easiest stuff to eat. But last night I got my period so I think maybe the sweets were the result of an unfortunate confluence of Easter candy and cakes with hormonal cravings. At least, I really hope so.
This morning I woke up hungry. I tried the tiniest bites of cottage cheese (1/3 of a baby spoon - seriously tiny) and it just didn't go down comfortably. But for some reason when I decided to try a Zone bar, as long as I took tiny bites and chewed really well it went down OK.
Which makes me think maybe this is loosening up a bit and maybe all the rules I've been hearing about that I haven't had to follow religiously so far -- small bites, waiting between bites, stopping at the first feeling of fullness -- are really kicking in now.
So I'm going to give it another couple of days, trying to adapt to the rules. The difference from 5.5 cc's to 5.75 cc's required a bigger change in my eating habits than 0-4 cc's or 4-5.5 cc's. Strange.
The down side is, I'm so anxious about what I can or can't eat, that I'm definitely not enjoying the not-thinking-about-food-at-all benefit I keep hearing about from everyone.
About my doctor: Yeah, he acted like a dick on this one. He also was kind of a jerk at my appointment when he asked what I was eating and I answered truthfully that I was able to eat most anything and was doing pretty well (lost 8 lbs in a month) but could still eat a slice of pizza. He nodded and then said, "Well, why did you eat pizza? Why would you have that?" I immediately felt awkward and embarrassed and stumbled over some explanation. But later I thought, what the fuck? Does this mean he doesn't think I should have pizza ever again? Does HE never have pizza?
That, together with the "Well, I'm not going to open you up just so you can eat," comment (I didn't ask him to "open me up," I called to ask what he thought I should do since I could only have liquids at that time), just irritates the hell out of me. I didn't get this surgery to drink my meals from now on. I plan to talk to him about all of this when I see him next. His attitude is condescending.
Vanessa, I actually did think about going to see Ren/Fielding/Kurian if I need to. I'm going to hold off right now because it would be such a production for me to get there, it would take up most of a day between driving in and out, parking and enduring the wait times I hear about in their office. But I may do it if he keeps up this nonsense.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Three Months, and FORTY!
Three months after surgery, things are finally picking up on the weight-loss front. Here's how it has gone for me: Lost 13 pounds between October and surgery day, lost a bunch of weight right away following surgery and then BAM hit a wall. February was a dark month for me. Not enough restriction and not enough discipline = virtually no weight loss.
After my second fill on Feb. 25 I started losing weight again, and lost eight pounds between then and my fill on March 31st. My current fill, which is a little too tight, has put my weight loss on hyper drive. I've lost eight pounds in the last week, which is a little consolation for the fact that I can't really get solids down right now.
Total lost from presurgical consult: 40.5 pounds.
Total lost from surgery day: 27.5 pounds.
Other observations:
It really, truly is not easy. I've been on easier diets. This requires a lot of research, time, effort and thought on my part.
I owe many thanks to my fellow bloggers, who have provided so much wisdom, sympathy, guidance and humor on this life-changing journey. Finding all of you, and discovering the world of blogging, is something I never considered when I was looking into this surgery.
Resolutions:
Keep blogging.
Start exercising.
After I hit 199, start running again. I've been so afraid to screw up my 37-year-old knees and feet (still working on my foot injury) that I haven't wanted to get running again. But I've downloaded C25K and I am ready to go once I hit 199.
Happy Easter, my friends.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Too Tight? Too Bad, Sucka
That's essentially what my surgeon told me when I called this morning to ask for his opinion. He wasn't quite so harsh about it, but I wouldn't say he was overly sympathetic. I told him I could only have liquids right now, that the ricotta cheese/spaghetti sauce concoction went down quite grudgingly last night.
"That's not entirely a bad thing," he said. "I'm not going to open you back up so you can eat. I'm seeing you in, what, three weeks? It'll loosen up. As long as you're not dehydrated and not totally miserable just stick with the liquids."
At first I was pretty pissed about this. I mean, the whole point of the band is that you can eat, just less than before. But the more I thought about it, the more I figured, why not just go with it for a few more weeks? I'm not having reflux, I'm not throwing up, I am just really restricted. I won't stay like this forever because the band always loosens up as you lose weight. And oh boy am I losing weight.
I've lost six pounds since last Sunday. Some of that has to be fluid, but still... there are worse things. I'm going to a friend's wedding in a few weeks, and some bonus pounds lost would be great.
So for now at least, I'm going with it. I had 2 oz of yogurt for breakfast and a cup of blended black bean soup with a dollop of sour cream for lunch. Lots of protein. I'll do my mashed up avocado later to get at least a little veggie in there.
We'll see how it goes.
"That's not entirely a bad thing," he said. "I'm not going to open you back up so you can eat. I'm seeing you in, what, three weeks? It'll loosen up. As long as you're not dehydrated and not totally miserable just stick with the liquids."
At first I was pretty pissed about this. I mean, the whole point of the band is that you can eat, just less than before. But the more I thought about it, the more I figured, why not just go with it for a few more weeks? I'm not having reflux, I'm not throwing up, I am just really restricted. I won't stay like this forever because the band always loosens up as you lose weight. And oh boy am I losing weight.
I've lost six pounds since last Sunday. Some of that has to be fluid, but still... there are worse things. I'm going to a friend's wedding in a few weeks, and some bonus pounds lost would be great.
So for now at least, I'm going with it. I had 2 oz of yogurt for breakfast and a cup of blended black bean soup with a dollop of sour cream for lunch. Lots of protein. I'll do my mashed up avocado later to get at least a little veggie in there.
We'll see how it goes.
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