OK, who was it who said PBing isn't really like throwing up? WHO? C'mon, stand up and be a man and tell the truth.
You lied! For shame.
Because let me tell you, my first real soup-to-nuts PB was **exactly** like throwing up. It was horrible. My husband yelled into the bathroom that he would hold my hair if I wanted (though I suspect he only offered because he knew my hair was already in a ponytail).
I've had a couple of faux PB's, once on a large antibiotic pill and once on pretzels I ate too quickly. Neither time did anything actually come up.
Today, however, the two very small crackers smeared with cream cheese and topped with the most delicate nova lox came back up. And it was ugly. (Closer inspection - in the toilet bowl - showed that I did indeed chew everything quite thoroughly.)
I had some chili for lunch today, chewed it well and it went down OK. Also had a turkey-and-cheese rollup, which when chewed into oblivion, did OK. I had a test cracker, just the cracker, chewed it well and it was OK. But then I tried the cracker-cream cheese-nova combo for dinner, and it was an unmitigated disaster.
Sigh.
I'm thinking I'll call the doc tomorrow and see if he'll take out some of this fill. I'm nervous that a) he'll refuse outright and then I'll have to find another doctor because I just can't handle jackasses; b) he'll insist on taking out the whole fill, all 5.75 cc's to let me rest and then I'll gain a ton of weight; or c) he'll take some out and then I'll be starving again.
I don't know what to do.
I've had a sore throat all day, at the very bottom of my throat, probably from acid. Not heartburn exactly, but I don't think it's a regular sore throat, it feels further back.
Ugh. Not my best day.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Holier Than Thou Doctor
Thanks to all of you who took time over the Easter holiday to reply to my weekend posts. I'm kind of confused about what's happened with this latest fill. I think it might be loosening up a bit and maybe I'm chafing at the "new" restrictions on my eating. For example, yesterday I had a protein shake and 1/2 cup of black bean soup blended. Then, when we had guests here for Easter, I ate the creamy part of some deviled eggs and had a slice of provolone cheese. Umm, and some cheesecake that our cousins brought. That, unfortunately, went down just fine.
In fact, I was craving sweets alllll day yesterday and started getting worried that because I'm so tight I was going for the easiest stuff to eat. But last night I got my period so I think maybe the sweets were the result of an unfortunate confluence of Easter candy and cakes with hormonal cravings. At least, I really hope so.
This morning I woke up hungry. I tried the tiniest bites of cottage cheese (1/3 of a baby spoon - seriously tiny) and it just didn't go down comfortably. But for some reason when I decided to try a Zone bar, as long as I took tiny bites and chewed really well it went down OK.
Which makes me think maybe this is loosening up a bit and maybe all the rules I've been hearing about that I haven't had to follow religiously so far -- small bites, waiting between bites, stopping at the first feeling of fullness -- are really kicking in now.
So I'm going to give it another couple of days, trying to adapt to the rules. The difference from 5.5 cc's to 5.75 cc's required a bigger change in my eating habits than 0-4 cc's or 4-5.5 cc's. Strange.
The down side is, I'm so anxious about what I can or can't eat, that I'm definitely not enjoying the not-thinking-about-food-at-all benefit I keep hearing about from everyone.
About my doctor: Yeah, he acted like a dick on this one. He also was kind of a jerk at my appointment when he asked what I was eating and I answered truthfully that I was able to eat most anything and was doing pretty well (lost 8 lbs in a month) but could still eat a slice of pizza. He nodded and then said, "Well, why did you eat pizza? Why would you have that?" I immediately felt awkward and embarrassed and stumbled over some explanation. But later I thought, what the fuck? Does this mean he doesn't think I should have pizza ever again? Does HE never have pizza?
That, together with the "Well, I'm not going to open you up just so you can eat," comment (I didn't ask him to "open me up," I called to ask what he thought I should do since I could only have liquids at that time), just irritates the hell out of me. I didn't get this surgery to drink my meals from now on. I plan to talk to him about all of this when I see him next. His attitude is condescending.
Vanessa, I actually did think about going to see Ren/Fielding/Kurian if I need to. I'm going to hold off right now because it would be such a production for me to get there, it would take up most of a day between driving in and out, parking and enduring the wait times I hear about in their office. But I may do it if he keeps up this nonsense.
In fact, I was craving sweets alllll day yesterday and started getting worried that because I'm so tight I was going for the easiest stuff to eat. But last night I got my period so I think maybe the sweets were the result of an unfortunate confluence of Easter candy and cakes with hormonal cravings. At least, I really hope so.
This morning I woke up hungry. I tried the tiniest bites of cottage cheese (1/3 of a baby spoon - seriously tiny) and it just didn't go down comfortably. But for some reason when I decided to try a Zone bar, as long as I took tiny bites and chewed really well it went down OK.
Which makes me think maybe this is loosening up a bit and maybe all the rules I've been hearing about that I haven't had to follow religiously so far -- small bites, waiting between bites, stopping at the first feeling of fullness -- are really kicking in now.
So I'm going to give it another couple of days, trying to adapt to the rules. The difference from 5.5 cc's to 5.75 cc's required a bigger change in my eating habits than 0-4 cc's or 4-5.5 cc's. Strange.
The down side is, I'm so anxious about what I can or can't eat, that I'm definitely not enjoying the not-thinking-about-food-at-all benefit I keep hearing about from everyone.
About my doctor: Yeah, he acted like a dick on this one. He also was kind of a jerk at my appointment when he asked what I was eating and I answered truthfully that I was able to eat most anything and was doing pretty well (lost 8 lbs in a month) but could still eat a slice of pizza. He nodded and then said, "Well, why did you eat pizza? Why would you have that?" I immediately felt awkward and embarrassed and stumbled over some explanation. But later I thought, what the fuck? Does this mean he doesn't think I should have pizza ever again? Does HE never have pizza?
That, together with the "Well, I'm not going to open you up just so you can eat," comment (I didn't ask him to "open me up," I called to ask what he thought I should do since I could only have liquids at that time), just irritates the hell out of me. I didn't get this surgery to drink my meals from now on. I plan to talk to him about all of this when I see him next. His attitude is condescending.
Vanessa, I actually did think about going to see Ren/Fielding/Kurian if I need to. I'm going to hold off right now because it would be such a production for me to get there, it would take up most of a day between driving in and out, parking and enduring the wait times I hear about in their office. But I may do it if he keeps up this nonsense.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Three Months, and FORTY!
Three months after surgery, things are finally picking up on the weight-loss front. Here's how it has gone for me: Lost 13 pounds between October and surgery day, lost a bunch of weight right away following surgery and then BAM hit a wall. February was a dark month for me. Not enough restriction and not enough discipline = virtually no weight loss.
After my second fill on Feb. 25 I started losing weight again, and lost eight pounds between then and my fill on March 31st. My current fill, which is a little too tight, has put my weight loss on hyper drive. I've lost eight pounds in the last week, which is a little consolation for the fact that I can't really get solids down right now.
Total lost from presurgical consult: 40.5 pounds.
Total lost from surgery day: 27.5 pounds.
Other observations:
It really, truly is not easy. I've been on easier diets. This requires a lot of research, time, effort and thought on my part.
I owe many thanks to my fellow bloggers, who have provided so much wisdom, sympathy, guidance and humor on this life-changing journey. Finding all of you, and discovering the world of blogging, is something I never considered when I was looking into this surgery.
Resolutions:
Keep blogging.
Start exercising.
After I hit 199, start running again. I've been so afraid to screw up my 37-year-old knees and feet (still working on my foot injury) that I haven't wanted to get running again. But I've downloaded C25K and I am ready to go once I hit 199.
Happy Easter, my friends.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Too Tight? Too Bad, Sucka
That's essentially what my surgeon told me when I called this morning to ask for his opinion. He wasn't quite so harsh about it, but I wouldn't say he was overly sympathetic. I told him I could only have liquids right now, that the ricotta cheese/spaghetti sauce concoction went down quite grudgingly last night.
"That's not entirely a bad thing," he said. "I'm not going to open you back up so you can eat. I'm seeing you in, what, three weeks? It'll loosen up. As long as you're not dehydrated and not totally miserable just stick with the liquids."
At first I was pretty pissed about this. I mean, the whole point of the band is that you can eat, just less than before. But the more I thought about it, the more I figured, why not just go with it for a few more weeks? I'm not having reflux, I'm not throwing up, I am just really restricted. I won't stay like this forever because the band always loosens up as you lose weight. And oh boy am I losing weight.
I've lost six pounds since last Sunday. Some of that has to be fluid, but still... there are worse things. I'm going to a friend's wedding in a few weeks, and some bonus pounds lost would be great.
So for now at least, I'm going with it. I had 2 oz of yogurt for breakfast and a cup of blended black bean soup with a dollop of sour cream for lunch. Lots of protein. I'll do my mashed up avocado later to get at least a little veggie in there.
We'll see how it goes.
"That's not entirely a bad thing," he said. "I'm not going to open you back up so you can eat. I'm seeing you in, what, three weeks? It'll loosen up. As long as you're not dehydrated and not totally miserable just stick with the liquids."
At first I was pretty pissed about this. I mean, the whole point of the band is that you can eat, just less than before. But the more I thought about it, the more I figured, why not just go with it for a few more weeks? I'm not having reflux, I'm not throwing up, I am just really restricted. I won't stay like this forever because the band always loosens up as you lose weight. And oh boy am I losing weight.
I've lost six pounds since last Sunday. Some of that has to be fluid, but still... there are worse things. I'm going to a friend's wedding in a few weeks, and some bonus pounds lost would be great.
So for now at least, I'm going with it. I had 2 oz of yogurt for breakfast and a cup of blended black bean soup with a dollop of sour cream for lunch. Lots of protein. I'll do my mashed up avocado later to get at least a little veggie in there.
We'll see how it goes.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Post-Fill Update
OK, this is getting irritating. I was starving this morning but didn't make a shake, so the first thing I had to eat today was a mashed-up avocado at 11.30 am. It went down OK (it was realllly mashed, not thick at all) and then I had a little hummus. Ran out to do some errands and now I just sat down with some refried beans and I can feel the two bites I've taken just sitting there.
I really hope things settle in a little more because I would like to go back to eating regular food again. If it's still a problem I'll call the surgeon on Monday but I'd love to loosen up a bit without losing any fill. We'll see...
On the plus side, I'm down another half pound this morning.
LOVED all your indiscretion comments on the previous post. You guys are funny, and sometimes it's nice to know I'm not the only one who isn't always on the straight and narrow in this process.
Sunday marks three months since my surgery, so I'll recap for those thinking of doing this. It hasn't gone exactly as I expected and hoped, but it is going.
I really hope things settle in a little more because I would like to go back to eating regular food again. If it's still a problem I'll call the surgeon on Monday but I'd love to loosen up a bit without losing any fill. We'll see...
On the plus side, I'm down another half pound this morning.
LOVED all your indiscretion comments on the previous post. You guys are funny, and sometimes it's nice to know I'm not the only one who isn't always on the straight and narrow in this process.
Sunday marks three months since my surgery, so I'll recap for those thinking of doing this. It hasn't gone exactly as I expected and hoped, but it is going.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Spill the Beans - Your Worst Indiscretions Lately?
OK, so I'm happy my weight loss has kicked back into gear after a lonnnggg (one-month) period of going nowhere. I'm currently on liquids and terrified of messing up because I "cheated" with some cottage cheese last night and had a bad stuck episode. That's bullshit, by the way, getting stuck on cottage cheese. I was so pissed.
Yesterday morning, when I knew I was going for a fill, I HOUSED two soft-boiled eggs and a slice of rye toast. I rarely, almost never, eat toast anymore so that was a real departure for me.
Then I got in the car, opened the garage door, got out of the car, ran back into the house and grabbed the last Cadbury Creme Egg I've had stashed. And I ate it on the way to my fill. Oh yes I did.
Not unlike alcoholics who show up at rehab with a half-empty bottle of vodka in the car.
Just for fun, what are your worst indiscretions lately? Keeping in mind, of course, that our worst indiscretions these days are a far cry from pre-band foodfests.
Yesterday morning, when I knew I was going for a fill, I HOUSED two soft-boiled eggs and a slice of rye toast. I rarely, almost never, eat toast anymore so that was a real departure for me.
Then I got in the car, opened the garage door, got out of the car, ran back into the house and grabbed the last Cadbury Creme Egg I've had stashed. And I ate it on the way to my fill. Oh yes I did.
Not unlike alcoholics who show up at rehab with a half-empty bottle of vodka in the car.
Just for fun, what are your worst indiscretions lately? Keeping in mind, of course, that our worst indiscretions these days are a far cry from pre-band foodfests.
Help! What's Going On?
I got a small fill yesterday, bringing me to 5.75 ccs in my 10 cc band. I had a bad stuck episode last night on a little cottage cheese - my worst stuck incident since surgery. I really need to get some papaya enzymes to keep on hand.
Anyway, after the cottage cheese finally went through I wasn't able (and didn't want to) finish my soup or wine, so I just went to bed.
This morning, I'm sipping a protein shake and it's sitting there, taking a long time to go through. Feels a little swollen.
Am I too tight? Do I just need to chill out and let this fill settle in? I need some advice from experienced banders.
**UPDATE** I weighed in at 229 this morning, a new low and a new decade. Yay! However, I'm starving so I'll see how another shake goes down.
Anyway, after the cottage cheese finally went through I wasn't able (and didn't want to) finish my soup or wine, so I just went to bed.
This morning, I'm sipping a protein shake and it's sitting there, taking a long time to go through. Feels a little swollen.
Am I too tight? Do I just need to chill out and let this fill settle in? I need some advice from experienced banders.
**UPDATE** I weighed in at 229 this morning, a new low and a new decade. Yay! However, I'm starving so I'll see how another shake goes down.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
It's Amazing
It's only been 11 hours, but I am amazed by the difference 0.25 cc's is making. That's how much my surgeon agreed to add today, bringing me to 5.75 cc's in my 10cc band. I was a little disappointed, I had hoped he'd take me up to six.
But I am sitting here waiting for the three *very* small bites of cottage cheese I took about 10 minutes ago to go through. Not a terribly comfortable feeling. There's some sliming. I have some soup and wine here, but I"m not sure I'll get any of it down.
My surgeon was happy with the eight pounds I've lost since my last visit on Feb. 25th and very cautious not to overfill me. Of course I'd love to goose things a bit and get the weight coming off faster, so we compromised on the .25 cc fill.
Everything worked out beautifully today - the fill was fine, I had soup for lunch and the kids were excellent at Lion King. They really loved it, it was fun to watch their reactions to the show.
My left shoulder pain came back, for the first time in ages, while I was sitting in the theater. Stuck around for about 30 minutes, then went away. So far, it hasn't come back.
**UPDATE** It's 10.40 pm and the cottage cheese finally went through but I can't eat anything else. Going up to bed. Man, that was uncomfortable.
But I am sitting here waiting for the three *very* small bites of cottage cheese I took about 10 minutes ago to go through. Not a terribly comfortable feeling. There's some sliming. I have some soup and wine here, but I"m not sure I'll get any of it down.
My surgeon was happy with the eight pounds I've lost since my last visit on Feb. 25th and very cautious not to overfill me. Of course I'd love to goose things a bit and get the weight coming off faster, so we compromised on the .25 cc fill.
Everything worked out beautifully today - the fill was fine, I had soup for lunch and the kids were excellent at Lion King. They really loved it, it was fun to watch their reactions to the show.
My left shoulder pain came back, for the first time in ages, while I was sitting in the theater. Stuck around for about 30 minutes, then went away. So far, it hasn't come back.
**UPDATE** It's 10.40 pm and the cottage cheese finally went through but I can't eat anything else. Going up to bed. Man, that was uncomfortable.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Seder Monday, Last Supper Tuesday, Liquid Wednesday
The seder went pretty well, although I was kind of hungry so ended up noshing on matzo through most of the service. Then the matzo made me thirsty, and things got a teeeny bit awkward when my father-in-law instructed us to take a sip of wine and my 7-year-old yelled, "MOM! Why's your glass already empty?"
But hey, we moved on. And my baby was totally on the help-mom-be-less-fat bandwagon. She melted down in a sea of tears and baby boogers and I had to take her home before dessert was served.
All in all, not a bad night.
And somehow, by some miracle of I don't know what, when I stepped on the scale this morning it showed me down again, to 230.5 or 230 (50/50 ruling by my top-notch scale). I counted the 230.5 on my ticker. But it makes me nervous. Usually I know what to expect on the scale, and this loss surprised me. I don't know why it makes me nervous, but it does.
Today, however... let's just say I've been really cognizant that tomorrow is my fill. And while I know I need it and am more than ready to bring it on, there's been some last suppering going on. ALL DAY LONG. I won't get into the details, but calorically speaking I am off the charts today.
It's been a crazy-ass day. The Hubs continues to suffer from the flu-like malady that has swept through our house. Baby is still sick, 4-year-old is recovering, 7-year-old came into my room at 4 am crying that his voice hurt. Turns out he's got strep.
My fill is at 10 am tomorrow. I'm a little bit worried, because I leave immediately afterward to take my 4-year-old to see a matinee performance of The Lion King with one of his school friends and the friend's mom. I'll be on liquids only, which isn't a huge deal but in the back of my mind I'm kind of panicking that I'll get overfilled and spend the entire three-hour performance horking into a sink in the theater. And then still have to drive out of Times Square at rush hour with the friend and his mom.
Plus, I have to plan our Easter menu and make sure it's band-friendly. Anyone have suggestions?
Sometimes celebrating all the Jewish and Christian holidays is fun; often, it's exhausting. The Hubs and I never anticipated that when we got married.
But hey, we moved on. And my baby was totally on the help-mom-be-less-fat bandwagon. She melted down in a sea of tears and baby boogers and I had to take her home before dessert was served.
All in all, not a bad night.
And somehow, by some miracle of I don't know what, when I stepped on the scale this morning it showed me down again, to 230.5 or 230 (50/50 ruling by my top-notch scale). I counted the 230.5 on my ticker. But it makes me nervous. Usually I know what to expect on the scale, and this loss surprised me. I don't know why it makes me nervous, but it does.
Today, however... let's just say I've been really cognizant that tomorrow is my fill. And while I know I need it and am more than ready to bring it on, there's been some last suppering going on. ALL DAY LONG. I won't get into the details, but calorically speaking I am off the charts today.
It's been a crazy-ass day. The Hubs continues to suffer from the flu-like malady that has swept through our house. Baby is still sick, 4-year-old is recovering, 7-year-old came into my room at 4 am crying that his voice hurt. Turns out he's got strep.
My fill is at 10 am tomorrow. I'm a little bit worried, because I leave immediately afterward to take my 4-year-old to see a matinee performance of The Lion King with one of his school friends and the friend's mom. I'll be on liquids only, which isn't a huge deal but in the back of my mind I'm kind of panicking that I'll get overfilled and spend the entire three-hour performance horking into a sink in the theater. And then still have to drive out of Times Square at rush hour with the friend and his mom.
Plus, I have to plan our Easter menu and make sure it's band-friendly. Anyone have suggestions?
Sometimes celebrating all the Jewish and Christian holidays is fun; often, it's exhausting. The Hubs and I never anticipated that when we got married.
Monday, March 29, 2010
The Challenge Begins!
Per the Memorial Day Bathing Suit Challenge, I took a picture of myself on the scale yesterday and shipped it off to Kristen at I'm With the Band. That's the first time I've EVER taken a picture of a scale reading, and you better be sure I erased all traces of that photo after I emailed it. But things in cyberspace never really die. Sigh. So when I run for president someday it'll show up in the National Enquirer - MME PREZ EATS WAY THROUGH JOB STRESS! DOCS SAY SHE"LL BE DEAD BEFORE END OF TERM.
Tonight is Passover seder with my husband's family. If you've never been to one, you need to know just one thing: BIG meal. BIG. Good thing I have a fill on Wednesday.
Tonight is Passover seder with my husband's family. If you've never been to one, you need to know just one thing: BIG meal. BIG. Good thing I have a fill on Wednesday.
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