New Mini Goal, and a Blessing

I was so distracted by the no-power-bridal-shower drama this morning I didn't even change my ticker.

I weighed in at 232.5 pounds, which means I've officially lost 33.5 pounds. This is my first new low in about a month. Yayyy!

My new mini-goal is 225, which is what I weighed the summer I did three triathlons and got pregnant with my second baby. I'll be very happy to bust through that number.

Today's eating was slightly better, I was so busy I didn't have time to think about it much. We took the kids to the zoo this morning and got some exercise walking around for about 90 minutes. It wasn't aerobic, but at least I was moving.

Here's the quick update on the post-storm stuff: The power company told me this evening that we likely won't have power restored until sometime Saturday. School is canceled for the entire week.

We're staying at my in-laws' house, which is one street over from ours. Their electricity is out too, but they have a generator. It powers some of the kitchen, family room, one bedroom and a bathroom -- all we need, really. (Although it would be lovely to be able to do laundry.) And the wifi works!! The in-laws themselves are still in Utah, so it's just us.

A friend saved me by finding an alternate venue for the bridal shower, so we'll need to get in touch with all the guests but at least they won't be coming to a cold, dark house with no hot water on Saturday.

My mom sees the hematologist tomorrow. I'm so glad she'll be able to see him rather than having to worry all weekend about it.

Thanks for all your comments and support. It's amazing to me how much they buoy my spirits on tough days.

Today's been kind of a doozy. In addition to the logistical problems and my mom's health issues, my great-aunt Mary died this morning. She was crazy funny and we'll miss her.

Aunt Mary was a good Irish woman, and in that spirit here is my favorite Irish blessing:

May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
And the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Stress Eating

Really trying to avoid it. Not going all that well.

* Still no power.
* Supposed to host a bridal shower on Saturday; power company says power should be back sometime between now and Sunday.
* My mom just called to let me know her plastic surgeon (don't ask) has referred her to a hematologist at an oncology practice because she's got some clotting/platelet issue with her blood.

If I read the scale correctly in the dim bathroom this morning, looks like I lost two pounds during our trip. Yay for that.

Yesterday wasn't so good. I devoured no fewer than a dozen cookies last night. Seriously. Must rein myself in.

Heading Home

We're packing up now and heading to the airport in Salt Lake City. As far as I know, we still don't have power at home and school is canceled again today, so I'm not sure we'll be able to stay at our house tonight. We'll see.

We went out again for dinner last night and I wasn't quite the angel this time. I still resisted dessert (go me) but ate some unhealthy appetizers, plus two glasses of wine. I did order black cod with bok choy, so it wasn't a total disaster. But I snacked on Jordan almonds through much of the day, which are pretty packed with calories.

I really didn't feel my band at all on this trip, so I know I'll be ready for a fill when I see my surgeon on the 31st. I'm trying to get an earlier appointment but they're pretty booked.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY to all of you! ERIN GO BRAGH!

Socially Acceptable Prejudice

When I was 24 I lost about 75 pounds. I had been overweight to one degree or another since puberty so had no experience as a normal-looking adult.

I was absolutely shocked by how much nicer people were to me when I was thinner. I'm a friendly person and usually found that people were kind to me, but once I lost a lot of weight I noticed doors being held (by men and women) a lot more often. People were more likely to look me in the eye or start a conversation. Some of that could have been from my increased confidence, but I really believe most of it was weight-related. I think many of us who've had lap-band surgery have had similar experiences at one point or another.

The New York Times published an essay on the topic yesterday: For Obese People, Prejudice in Plain Sight.

**SIDE NOTE: I love that one of the doctors quoted in the essay is named Dr. Bacon.**

I'm not sure which is sadder, the article or the reader comments on the NYT Well blog.

Here's one of the comments: Judging obese people for being obese, if it is purely the result of a lifestyle choice, is not discrimination. These people willfully choose to live in an unhealthy, unsafe way and I don’t feel bad at all for discriminating against them. Last year I lost 45 pounds. For the first time in my life, I’m in shape. I have no sympathy for anyone who simply chooses to live in such a way. ~ Roger

Victorious at Dinner!

We went out to Grub Steak last night, which is one of my favorite restaurants here. It has a great salad bar, it's kid-friendly, and the food is pretty good. I wasn't up for testing my band with steak, even a tender filet. So I had a spinach and mushroom salad with light warm bacon dressing, 1/3 of a potato skin and about half of my halibut, maybe 3 ounces. I took about four small bites of mashed potatoes.

But get this - everyone was dying for dessert so they ordered mud pies and ice cream sundaes and whatnot. And I did not have a single bite.

This wasn't any great show of willpower on my part, I just really didn't want any. Remember, I had the Cadbury Creme egg earlier in the day, so I'm not up for sainthood or anything.

That's a good NSV for me.

In other news, at home the power is still out, school is canceled for today and tomorrow at least, trees are still falling because they've gotten so waterlogged from the rain. Can't wait to open the fridge and freezer when we get back. Blech.

There's no scale in the house here, so I have no idea what's happening weight-wise. I can't decide if I should weigh myself when we get home or wait a couple days to make sure all the flight-related fluid has moved along.

The View

This is the view from our living-room window. The skies are still pretty gray, but it's beautiful nonetheless.

East Coast Apocalypse

When we were planning this trip, I agonized, truly agonized over whether to bring the baby with us. I brought my oldest when he was 18 months old and it was a NIGHTMARE. He never slept, couldn't adjust to the time change, was a disaster during dinners out, etc. In short, a totally normal toddler.

After much discussion with the Hubs, we decided to leave the baby at home. She's crawling and never wants to be still, always on the move. The idea of strapping her into a car seat on the plane (or worse, holding her) for 4.5 hours, plus an hour each way to the airport, seemed crazy. So we left her at home with the babysitter who comes a few days a week to help out, and who has been with our family for six years.

Poor Patricia called last night to let me know the house had no power because of the c-r-a-z-y Nor'easter yesterday. And that a tree was down in our driveway, which meant she couldn't even leave to take the baby to her house (which did have power) because the tree blocked the car in the garage.

This morning, Patriciar's husband was able to walk through the backyard to my in-laws' house and borrow their Jeep (which has a car seat) to rescue Patricia and the baby.

Holy moly. How's that for maternal guilt? I leave my baby at home and this is what happens.

Things here are good, my older son LOVES skiing and the younger guy could go either way. Lots of snow yesterday but things look a little clearer today.

Confession: The Cadbury Creme Egg? Gone.

High Altitude

We are here in Park City, it's beautiful, we took the kids to ski school this morning. (Side note: I could not believe how mean some of the parents were when their kids were crying at dropoff. I heard one woman say to her 4-year-old, "Well, I'm not staying. And you know what they're going to say to me when they call? That you're a baby." Jesus, lady, really? You need to ski THAT MUCH?)

I'm not skiing this year, wayyy too fat and the last thing I want is to destroy my knees. I almost killed myself this morning on the slopes, and all I was doing was stalking my kid on the ski school magic carpet. I wasn't even wearing skis, just snow boots. This reinforces my decision to skip the skiing.

The plane ride went fine, as expected. I was able to buckle the seatbelt, but lemme tell you if I'd had a cheeseburger before the flight it wouldn't have locked. Seriously. 757-200 planes do not have generous seatbelts. Delta did, however, have TVs on the seatbacks, and I could have kissed someone. Kept my boys busy for most of the ride.

I had some snacks on the plane but avoided meat for the rest of the day and didn't have any problems. (Thanks for the tip Jen.)

I also had soda for the first time since my surgery. I had a small Coke on the plane (for some reason I've always had regular Coke on planes) and it went down fine.

We're staying at a high altitude and I've heard bands can be tighter up high in the sky. So far, so good but I'm also being super careful. We're here with my husband's family and everyone's having pasta tonight, so I'm going to try a couple meatballs and some salad.

There's no scale but I'm trying to be cautious about what I eat. And I don't have a big appetite right now, which is so weird. I've had a Cadbury Creme Egg in my purse (in case of emergency) for three days! That's a record for me.

Goalllll Recap

So, remember how last month I was going to try to lose enough weight to weigh 225 when we leave for Utah? Well, this morning I weighed in at 234.5. Or 234. Or 233.5. One of those, for sure, according to my lovely scale. But definitely not 225.

February = not the best band month for me.

Anyway, I know I'll fit in the plane seat tomorrow, and I'm already calling dibs on the 38-pound four-year-old as my seatmate. Pretty sure the Hubs will be fine with that, so he can further pervert our older son's mind with Star Trek and Star Wars discussions. Sigh.

The good news is, last night went a lot better than the previous night. I had 1/4 c. of chicken salad and 1/4 of an avocado for dinner, and then later had some Wheat Thins and two slices of American cheese. No wine, no sweets. I didn't feel like I was depriving myself. Then I ran the hell to bed before any more cravings popped up.

I think this trip will be good for me, breaking my usual routines. Plus, I won't be able to be a total pig since we'll have 10 people at the house with us. And I'll have time to go for walks and/or a fitness center while the kids and Hubs are skiing (we're leaving the baby here with a sitter). My foot is gradually getting better and I think I'll be OK on the elliptical or walking.

I'm bringing my laptop with me so I'll try to keep up with everyone's blogs while we're away.

Bonding With My Band, or Not

When I was pregnant with my first baby, people constantly asked if I'd "bonded" with the baby yet. I'd sort of smile and say I was very excited to meet my little one. I read about women who said they felt completely bonded with their babies in utero and wondered what the hell they were talking about.

I have three children who I love with all my heart. I'd do anything for them, and I'm very happy to be their mom. But while I certainly felt protective and loving toward them during my pregnancies, I never felt like I "knew" them or was "bonded" to them while they were in residence.

I'm starting to have similar feelings of inadequacy about my band. It's in my stomach, I can feel it once in a while but mostly it's just there. People tell me I'm going to love having it, that it's going to change my life. I know it's true, but I'm not quite there yet.

Yesterday, my eating was good, water intake was good, I paused between bites and chewed really well. At one point I snacked on some pretzels but only a few and otherwise everything was protein and veggies. I will say yesterday went really well until about 9 pm.

That's when the wheels came off. Glass of wine, three 100-calorie packs of cookies and BLAMMO the good day became pretty bad. I'm not even sure it was a conscious decision. I had said I wouldn't snack in the evening, and I did. It's kind of like I was in a trance or something.

I know it happens, and it won't always happen and it's good that I did well during the day. It's a process. Onward and downward.

**Photo is about 40 minutes after the arrival of my second son via c-section in 2005.