Victorious at Dinner!

We went out to Grub Steak last night, which is one of my favorite restaurants here. It has a great salad bar, it's kid-friendly, and the food is pretty good. I wasn't up for testing my band with steak, even a tender filet. So I had a spinach and mushroom salad with light warm bacon dressing, 1/3 of a potato skin and about half of my halibut, maybe 3 ounces. I took about four small bites of mashed potatoes.

But get this - everyone was dying for dessert so they ordered mud pies and ice cream sundaes and whatnot. And I did not have a single bite.

This wasn't any great show of willpower on my part, I just really didn't want any. Remember, I had the Cadbury Creme egg earlier in the day, so I'm not up for sainthood or anything.

That's a good NSV for me.

In other news, at home the power is still out, school is canceled for today and tomorrow at least, trees are still falling because they've gotten so waterlogged from the rain. Can't wait to open the fridge and freezer when we get back. Blech.

There's no scale in the house here, so I have no idea what's happening weight-wise. I can't decide if I should weigh myself when we get home or wait a couple days to make sure all the flight-related fluid has moved along.

The View

This is the view from our living-room window. The skies are still pretty gray, but it's beautiful nonetheless.

East Coast Apocalypse

When we were planning this trip, I agonized, truly agonized over whether to bring the baby with us. I brought my oldest when he was 18 months old and it was a NIGHTMARE. He never slept, couldn't adjust to the time change, was a disaster during dinners out, etc. In short, a totally normal toddler.

After much discussion with the Hubs, we decided to leave the baby at home. She's crawling and never wants to be still, always on the move. The idea of strapping her into a car seat on the plane (or worse, holding her) for 4.5 hours, plus an hour each way to the airport, seemed crazy. So we left her at home with the babysitter who comes a few days a week to help out, and who has been with our family for six years.

Poor Patricia called last night to let me know the house had no power because of the c-r-a-z-y Nor'easter yesterday. And that a tree was down in our driveway, which meant she couldn't even leave to take the baby to her house (which did have power) because the tree blocked the car in the garage.

This morning, Patriciar's husband was able to walk through the backyard to my in-laws' house and borrow their Jeep (which has a car seat) to rescue Patricia and the baby.

Holy moly. How's that for maternal guilt? I leave my baby at home and this is what happens.

Things here are good, my older son LOVES skiing and the younger guy could go either way. Lots of snow yesterday but things look a little clearer today.

Confession: The Cadbury Creme Egg? Gone.

High Altitude

We are here in Park City, it's beautiful, we took the kids to ski school this morning. (Side note: I could not believe how mean some of the parents were when their kids were crying at dropoff. I heard one woman say to her 4-year-old, "Well, I'm not staying. And you know what they're going to say to me when they call? That you're a baby." Jesus, lady, really? You need to ski THAT MUCH?)

I'm not skiing this year, wayyy too fat and the last thing I want is to destroy my knees. I almost killed myself this morning on the slopes, and all I was doing was stalking my kid on the ski school magic carpet. I wasn't even wearing skis, just snow boots. This reinforces my decision to skip the skiing.

The plane ride went fine, as expected. I was able to buckle the seatbelt, but lemme tell you if I'd had a cheeseburger before the flight it wouldn't have locked. Seriously. 757-200 planes do not have generous seatbelts. Delta did, however, have TVs on the seatbacks, and I could have kissed someone. Kept my boys busy for most of the ride.

I had some snacks on the plane but avoided meat for the rest of the day and didn't have any problems. (Thanks for the tip Jen.)

I also had soda for the first time since my surgery. I had a small Coke on the plane (for some reason I've always had regular Coke on planes) and it went down fine.

We're staying at a high altitude and I've heard bands can be tighter up high in the sky. So far, so good but I'm also being super careful. We're here with my husband's family and everyone's having pasta tonight, so I'm going to try a couple meatballs and some salad.

There's no scale but I'm trying to be cautious about what I eat. And I don't have a big appetite right now, which is so weird. I've had a Cadbury Creme Egg in my purse (in case of emergency) for three days! That's a record for me.

Goalllll Recap

So, remember how last month I was going to try to lose enough weight to weigh 225 when we leave for Utah? Well, this morning I weighed in at 234.5. Or 234. Or 233.5. One of those, for sure, according to my lovely scale. But definitely not 225.

February = not the best band month for me.

Anyway, I know I'll fit in the plane seat tomorrow, and I'm already calling dibs on the 38-pound four-year-old as my seatmate. Pretty sure the Hubs will be fine with that, so he can further pervert our older son's mind with Star Trek and Star Wars discussions. Sigh.

The good news is, last night went a lot better than the previous night. I had 1/4 c. of chicken salad and 1/4 of an avocado for dinner, and then later had some Wheat Thins and two slices of American cheese. No wine, no sweets. I didn't feel like I was depriving myself. Then I ran the hell to bed before any more cravings popped up.

I think this trip will be good for me, breaking my usual routines. Plus, I won't be able to be a total pig since we'll have 10 people at the house with us. And I'll have time to go for walks and/or a fitness center while the kids and Hubs are skiing (we're leaving the baby here with a sitter). My foot is gradually getting better and I think I'll be OK on the elliptical or walking.

I'm bringing my laptop with me so I'll try to keep up with everyone's blogs while we're away.

Bonding With My Band, or Not

When I was pregnant with my first baby, people constantly asked if I'd "bonded" with the baby yet. I'd sort of smile and say I was very excited to meet my little one. I read about women who said they felt completely bonded with their babies in utero and wondered what the hell they were talking about.

I have three children who I love with all my heart. I'd do anything for them, and I'm very happy to be their mom. But while I certainly felt protective and loving toward them during my pregnancies, I never felt like I "knew" them or was "bonded" to them while they were in residence.

I'm starting to have similar feelings of inadequacy about my band. It's in my stomach, I can feel it once in a while but mostly it's just there. People tell me I'm going to love having it, that it's going to change my life. I know it's true, but I'm not quite there yet.

Yesterday, my eating was good, water intake was good, I paused between bites and chewed really well. At one point I snacked on some pretzels but only a few and otherwise everything was protein and veggies. I will say yesterday went really well until about 9 pm.

That's when the wheels came off. Glass of wine, three 100-calorie packs of cookies and BLAMMO the good day became pretty bad. I'm not even sure it was a conscious decision. I had said I wouldn't snack in the evening, and I did. It's kind of like I was in a trance or something.

I know it happens, and it won't always happen and it's good that I did well during the day. It's a process. Onward and downward.

**Photo is about 40 minutes after the arrival of my second son via c-section in 2005.

A New Hope

Well, that thing that's been MIA, that I've been waiting for, has arrived. Hallelujah! Now maybe the three weeks of unrelenting hunger and cravings will go away for a little while. (And I did not bravely bear up and fight the beast; no, I folded like a deck of cards and ate like a fiend.) I haven't lost weight in weeks.

Today is a new day. A new start. A new hope.

Rules for today:

Water, water, water.
Protein first (I've done pretty well with this).
No drinking with meals, or 30 minutes after.
Make good food choices.
Eat until satisfied, not until full.
Small bites.
Put fork down between bites.
Chew, chew, chew.
Nothing to eat after dinner.

I tried to schedule a fill for when we get home from Utah, but my doctor can't see me until the 31st. Not happy about that. I asked if the other surgeon in the practice could see me, and they said the doctors don't like to do that. What the hell...? I'll be asking him about that when I finally do see him.

Happy Losing, Bandsters!

PS Re the title of today's post: I live in a Star Wars-dominated household right now. We have Star Wars DVDs, bed sheets, toys, books, wall posters and chatter. Constant chatter.

Like Night and Day

This morning I woke up hungry. I tried to keep it at bay with some tea, but the hunger persisted so I had two bites of tuna/apple/cranberry salad (I know, disgusting - I would never have eaten this in the am pre-band) and a slice of turkey. The tuna got stuck. Just for maybe two or three minutes, didn't come back up, just sat there and hurt and then went through. I was still hungry, so had some more tuna and turkey to finish my breakfast.

Last night I do believe I could have eaten an entire pizza. Don't get me wrong, I didn't. And I haven't tried pizza since my last fill. But I had a decent-sized dinner (leftover beef bourguignon, about 2/3 cup, 1/4 c of brown rice and two mini peppermint patties). And I could have eaten more if I really wanted to.

It's amazing to me how different restriction can be from one point in the day to the next. I'm also finding that my restriction has eased a bit since my fill. I think it's because last week I still had the sinus infection with all the attendant yuckiness that comes with it. That probably made the band tighter. I'm making an appointment for a fill in a couple of weeks when I get back from Utah. Jen warned me to stay away from meat on the long flight and the rest of the flying day so I don't get stuck. I will be taking her advice for sure.

Finally, my period is MIA. (No, I'm NOT pregnant. Took a test to make sure on Saturday.) I expected it last week. Hmmmm.

NY Bandster Brunch

I had the best time today at brunch with some NYC bandsters! Jen and Catherine posted photos on their blogs. It was great to see everyone in person and be able to pepper everyone with the questions I've been wanting to ask.

**UPDATE** Ugh, I am so not into the Oscars this year. Off to bed.

Cooking Tip

Some friendly advice from my local fire department: Next time, ma'am, be sure to turn off the burner before you ignite the cognac in the pot.

The good news is, dinner was saved. The woodwork above the cooktop is a teeny bit singed.