Second Fill

The snow waited for my fill - thank you, Mother Nature. I'm up to 5.5 cc's in my 10 cc band. The surgeon didn't want to go to 6 yet, and I kind of didn't want to run into any problems where I'd be trying to trek back and have some taken out during a snow storm. So my fingers are crossed.

I've been eating allll the wrong things for the past two weeks and it has caught up to me.

At least my liquids/mushies days should help get the scale moving in the right direction.

I hope everyone is dry and warm!

QUICK QUESTION: Is it normal that I'm pretty hungry? I've had 1/2 c of red pepper soup, a protein shake and 1/2 c of blended chili in the last three hours and I'm just now full.

Too Fat to Fly, Part 2

My beloved New York Times is piling on, making me nervous about flying:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/28/travel/prac28fat.html?hpw

Question of the Day & More Snow

We've got a nor'easter coming! Or maybe a 'snow hurricane'! Who knows, but it's gonna be exciting, according to the breathless forecasts here.

All I know is, I WILL BE GETTING A FILL TOMORROW AT 11 AM, come hell or high water. Or a snow hurricane.

I also finally made an appointment with my orthopedist for Monday, so hopefully that'll get the plantar fasciitis and attendant foot problems on a better path to healing so I can exercise without pain and causing more damage.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: I have 4 cc's in my 10 cc band. I'm planning to ask for 2 additional cc's tomorrow. Good idea? Bad idea? Suggestions?

The People Around Us

I live in a town where virtually no one is fat, and certainly not obese. Maybe some of the 50- and 60-something women have the usual 15ish pounds to lose, but very few women my age are truly overweight. Quite the opposite, they are toned and tanned and coiffed.

So I am definitely an aberration in my town. Even in my family there are clear delineations when it comes to weight. My dad and his side of the family have always had weight problems. My mom is uber-thin (my sister teasingly calls her Lexi Anorexi), my sister is very thin and my brother has gone from stringbean to puffy and back a few times but generally is really fit.

My husband weighs 168 and hasn't varied from that by more than four pounds in the ten years I've known him. He weighs himself every day and when it's at the higher end of his allowable spectrum, he cuts back for a few days. End of story. Needless to say, I find this amazing.

On one hand, all these healthy-weight people are a constant reminder that I am not normal, and while most people can hide their issues, my "secret" weakness is broadcast to all by my heft. On the other hand, I think it's good for me to not be lulled into a false comfort by seeing overweight people all around me.

What kind of environment do you live in? Do you think it helps or hurts your weight-loss efforts?

Note: I had the Hubs pack up all the chocolate kisses in the house and take them to work. Getting it out of the house is half the battle, right?

Evaluation Time

Today I'm seven weeks out from surgery, and it's time for an honest evaluation.

The stats:
Highest weight: 266 (10.6.09)
Surgery day weight: 253 (1.4.10)
Lowest weight so far: 233.5 (2.14.10)
Current weight: 238 (2.22.10)
Total lost: 28 pounds (I'm not changing my damn ticker).
Lost since surgery: 15 pounds.

What I'm doing well:

Eating protein first.
Eating solid foods primarily and avoiding slider foods/caloric beverages.
Not drinking with meals.
Waiting at least 30 minutes to drink after eating.
Staying away from bread.
Limiting wine to Friday and Saturday nights only.

What I'm not doing well:

Staying away from candy, specifically chocolate.
Exercising (partially because of my foot injury).
Avoiding food after dinner. I think I need an across-the-board, nothing-in-my-mouth-but-water rule after dinner.
Logging my daily food intake.

Seems pretty clear what I need to do.

xoxo

Getting Fat Again

I moved my 2nd fill to this Thursday because I got on the scale and oh Lord it's back to 238. EVEN WHEN I FORSOOK* MCDONALDS. How is that fair?

I made a pasta bake thing for the first time last night, I almost never make casseroles. I ate everything in it (chopped turkey meatballs, broccoli, ricotta and parmesan cheeses) except the pasta, my oldest glumly ate a few bites, the 4-year-old sat at the table and railed about how he never gets to eat anything he likes (chicken nuggets, chicken nuggets and chicken nuggets) and my husband had leftover salmon. Good reminder about why I never make casseroles. The baby was pretty psyched about her saltine cracker, though.

Special treat today: MASSAGE. My mother-in-law lives one street over and she knows a masseuse who will come to the house. So I'm booked for 1 pm, she's booked for 2 pm and my sister-in-law is getting one at 3 pm. Sweeeeeeet.

Happy Monday everyone! New readers for catchy title here, thanks for stopping by, I'm glad you came.

*I know this isn't a real word. But it fit what I was trying to say.

Thanks for Talking Me Off the Ledge

Wow, you guys really know how to reassure a girl. Thanks for all your kind replies to my depressive post yesterday.

After I wrote the post, I felt a lot better. I made pretty good food choices, and last night the Hubs and I went to my favorite restaurant in town. The food is delicious every single time, the by-the-glass wine list is really good (Hubs doesn't drink so I only order by the glass) and the service is warm and friendly without being overbearing.

I've been wanting to go back but nervous because it's Italian. I had a great meal - shared a tomato and mozzarella salad with the Hubs (I had one slice of each) and had branzino, which is a light, moist flaky white fish. It's p-p-perfect for bands. It was served with steamed broccoli, cherry tomatoes and a small portion of scalloped cheesy potatoes. I had one tiny bite of potatoes, some tomatoes, a couple pieces of broccoli and about half the fish. With some wine, of course. And it was all delicious.

Then we saw Up in the Air. How can a day that includes two hours of staring at George Clooney be bad?
He's awesome. And so are all of you.

NSV and Miscellaneous

* I'm claiming V I C T O R Y over McDonald's, at least for today. We were out all morning at various doctors' appointments and my 4-year-old got hungry. I walked with him to McD's and got him some chicken nuggets but nothing for me. That's big for me. I came home and had some turkey and cheese roll-ups and half an avocado. I'm full, too. Yay me.

* Scale was up to 238 today. FIngers are really swollen, but I'm drinking water. I veer between eating well and then blowing it on chocolate or sweets.

* I have a sinus infection and just started antibiotics but in the meantime my head feels like it's going to explode and I can't breathe out of my nose, which is a big pet peeve of mine. I really, intensely dislike mouth breathing. (How's that for a petty whine?)

* I've been Negative Nelly lately, my mind is just full of 'see, this isn't working, you don't even have self control after this surgery, now what the hell are you going to do?' I'm at a low point emotionally, really struggling.

I guess that covers it.

Friday Night Quickie

Just popping in to say a quick hi to everyone. Thanks so much to those who've nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger awards - these are fun, I'm having a great time learning things about all of you!

Sometime in the next couple of days I'll do the Beautiful Blogger thing, which should be around the time it's dying out. That's pretty much on target with when I usually catch up with trends.

Happy Friday!

PS Ohhhh, when will I not be hungry anymore? When is March 1st again??

The First Time I Felt Fat

When I was in second grade, I had my First Holy Communion, which was notable in my mind because I got to wear an elegant white dress and a veil. Just like a bride.

In the weeks leading up to my communion, as the nuns tried to impress the importance of the Holy Eucharist on a bunch of uninterested 7-year-olds, I couldn't stop thinking of that veil and how beautiful I was going to be when I wore it.

On the big day I felt like a princess. I swiveled my head this way and that to show off my veil all day long.

A few weeks later the photos came back from the developer, and I ripped open the envelope to see myself in all my veiled glory. What I saw was devastatingly disappointing. I looked SO FAT. I had a double chin, and in one picture my belly looked huge. The depth of my disappointment is difficult to convey - I had felt so beautiful, and when I saw the pictures I realized I looked terrible the whole time.

I wish I could see those photos now - they're at my parents' house in Pennsylvania, and said parents are in Florida for the winter. I'm guessing I didn't look nearly as bad as I felt. I might have been on the chubbier side, but I didn't have a real weight problem until I was in my late teens.

Looking back, I think that was the first time I ever felt fat.

**In lieu of the first communion photo, a photo of me as an actual bride in 2001. With a veil. That's my mom, who weighs about 106 pounds dripping wet. (The quality isn't great because it's scanned.)

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For some reason I ate all day today. To offset this constant grazing, I made a point of choosing healthier options. I had lots of raw veggies along with less-healthy fare. I took my oldest son out for dinner after swim practice and I ordered a chicken quesadilla. Luckily, there was almost no cheese in it. I ate half and pushed the rest away. I was proud of myself for that - it wasn't easy and I would have been happy to keep going.

Tomorrow I'm taking the boys to the USS Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum, which is on an aircraft carrier in New York City. I think I'm more excited than they are.

Be well!

**No real reason for posting this one. I just like it.