Thanks Joey!

Thanks to Joey for her wise recommendation to go vegetarian for our Indian dinner with my husband's partner and his wife. I had an awesome paneer tikka masala (cubes of cottage cheese in a creamy tomato sauce). It was soooo good and all went down perfectly, no problem.

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

The Girls Are Shrinking

I know it happens to everyone, but why can't the girls take my hips with them? And I still have *a lot* of junk in my trunk. That will never fully go away. I don't mind, I just want it to look more J.Lo than Nell Carter.

Scale was down again today -- FORTY FOUR. Yay for that.

Anyway, I got two new bras today. Smaller size. Here's my problem: One side is a C and the other is a D. I can kinda squeeze the D into the C and make it work, but when I put the C into the D it creates creases under my clothes. So I got a C. I'll let you know how it works out.

Showdown with the Surgeon

OK, so it wasn't all that dramatic. And I almost didn't do it because I hate confrontation (though the Hubs might beg to differ). But I thought of all of you, truly, and that made me brave enough to say something. I did it in a nice way, because he really is a nice man and I think he might just be clueless.

So I said, "Listen I was really freaked out when I called you because I couldn't eat solids. When you said, 'well I'm not going to open you up just so you can eat' all I could think was, this isn't what I signed up for."

He stopped for a minute and said, "I hope I wasn't too curt on the phone." I just kind of smiled, like, welllll actually... and then he went on to agree that of course a liquid diet isn't at all what the band is intended for. He just meant that if I was OK having soups and liquids for a few weeks, it'd give me a jumpstart on weight loss and would naturally loosen up as I lost weight.

He was very happy with my weight loss and I'm going back in a month to check in again.

In other news, I am thrilled that Sandra Bullock adopted a baby boy. Good for her.

Greetings, Earthlings!

Did you see that Stephen Hawking said he thinks there are aliens riding around in space ships and it might not be a good idea for us to try to get to know them? He may have a point there.

That's all I have to say about that.

I lost another half pound, bringing me to 42.5 pounds down which is super-dee-dooper but I'd love to kick it up a notch. Of course I'd like to do that while still eating cheese, chocolate and olives. And drinking wine. Oh, and not exercising much. So I guess I should stop bitching about why I'm losing so slowly.

I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow. WILL NOT be getting another fill, I think I'm plenty tight right now. Just a checking in kind of appointment, and I will try to offer some constructive criticism about the way he handled things when I asked if I should come in for an unfill a few weeks ago.

We're going to dinner on Thursday with my husband's partner and his wife. I know them both pretty well, they're very nice. We're going to an Indian restaurant and I'm a little worried about what to have - I can't eat much meat these days, potatoes will likely get stuck, there wasn't any soup on the menu. AHHHH. Thought about chicken tikka masala because of the sauce but it's still white meat so I think I'd get stuck. Maybe I'll go vegetarian and get one of those spinach dishes. I didn't see fish options, but maybe they'll have a special? I don't know. I love Indian food, but I'm not sure how this will go.

Also, my hair just looks like crap lately so I'm getting a few inches cut on Friday. Really excited about this - so much so that I may do a VLOG to show it off.

Finally, does anyone have a good recipe for band-friendly turkey chili? If so, please share!

Fashion Show Picture Post

Looking through these photos tells me two things: 1. I finally am feeling comfortable enough to have my picture taken. 2. Need to work on the frozen smile and wooden poses.

Sigh. All in good time, lovies.

I packed three shirts to wear for the rehearsal dinner, and ended up wearing one I hadn't put in the previous fashion show post. What can I tell you, it was a wild card.

Rehearsal dinner outfit:


Please note the thongs that match the shirt. I never do that kind of stuff. I was proud of myself.

The day before I left for the wedding, I took the baby back to the Lord & Taylor sale to spend some time in the shoe department. She had the time of her life licking playing with the mirrors and eating all the paper inserts that come in the shoe boxes, and I tried on a gazillion pairs of shoes.

I got these for the wedding/summer events:


I sadly report that my hair never made it out of the ponytail in Florida. It was hot and a little humid and, well, I was too damn lazy to put the time and energy that would have been required to tame my hair into something respectable for an outdoor wedding. So I went with the pony. Not an awesome look, but there you have it.

The dress I ended up wearing was a last-minute find. I realize my posts this week make me look like a complete shopaholic but please believe me when I tell you I almost *never* shop. I buy from Lands End or Lane Bryant online whenever possible, I wear shoes until the soles are long gone, my sons keep telling me my shirts have holes in them. You get the picture. The dress I had planned to wear is 10 years old. I bought it for my engagement party, and I've worn it to almost every wedding or engagement party I've attended since.

But I saw this dress and it was on sale at Bloomingdale's in Florida, and the colors were perfect for a Florida garden wedding. Oh, and it was a 16W!


It's time to work on the upper arms. And I really need to get my glasses straightened.


So there you have it. Thanks for all the advice, it was fun hearing your opinions on everything.

Pre-Eating Anxiety

What a great weekend! Relaxing, fun, time with old friends and the Hubs... what more could a girl want?

Not a great eating weekend, though. For one thing, I WAS HUNGRY. And for some reason, I really wanted to binge. I was a little sad/stressed on Friday after we checked into the hotel. Alex had a bunch of conference calls, so I went to walk around a mall nearby. I hadn't eaten lunch and when I hit that food court, let me tell you, I WANTED IT ALL. Luckily, my band saved me from doing serious damage, so I had a bowl of soup from Panera. Then I kind of went off the deep end and had one of those "cookie sandwiches" from Mrs. Fields. Ever seen one? Two chocolate chip cookies sandwiched together with an obscene amount of frosting in between. A jillion calories, easily.

The only saving grace here was that on Saturday we went to EPCOT and walked for four hours in 85-degree heat before the wedding. Thank God, I think that helped things because at least I was on the move and hopefully it cut down on the number of calories my body absorbed from that damn cookie sandwich.

Here's what I'm noticing lately: I get a strange anxiety before I eat, because I know I won't be able to eat much. It's kind of a mix of serious irritation and anxiety. I WANT to eat a lot; I know I probably won't be able to. It's frustrating and kind of perplexing. I hope it will dissipate as I get more accustomed to this new life with abbreviated meals.

I'll do a picture post sometime tomorrow with outfits from the wedding. It all worked out well, and I was happy with the clothes. Which doesn't happen very often...

Also:
1. Didn't have any problem eating on the plane. Alas, JetBlue's Doritos Munchy Mix goes down like buttah.
2. Had my first Corona since being banded. No problem at all, didn't feel funny going down or anything.
3. I noticed a real uptick in my confidence, particularly being dressed up. I'll talk more about that in the photo post tomorrow.
4. Scale says I'm up 2 pounds. Maybe some is from flying? I don't think so, though. I ate a lot of crap. Not a good Swimsuit Challenge Week for me.

**UPDATE** Just had the most horrible PB I've ever experienced. I've been eating and eating and EATING today, attributed it mostly to hormones. But my band finally said enough and I threw up. Violently. Three times. Not much of substance came up, and I wasn't nauseated before it happened, so I'm sure it's band-related rather than food poisoning or something.

You Guys Rock

Thanks for the yes-it's-swelling reassurances yesterday. You were right, I woke up this morning back to my ticker weight. I'm drinking water like it's going out of style.

Also, the outfit help was excellent. I'm tentatively going with the blue, and I got a perfect pair of sandals to match. I also got a pair of wedges, so I'll decide at the last minute which look better. The Hubs is always brutally honest. (Side note: The first time I really got dressed up to go out with friends after our second baby was born, I walked downstairs and asked what he thought. "You look like half of a country/western act," he said. AND HE WAS RIGHT.)

Hopefully this time will be better. I'll post pictures when we get back.

Have a great weekend!

FASHION SHOW ~ Need Guidance

FASHION EMERGENCY!

I'm going to a wedding in Orlando this weekend and I need some fashion advice for the rehearsal dinner outfit. The dinner is at an event space, invite says the menu is barbeque and the dress is casual.

It's supposed to be 85 degrees. I assume the dinner will be air-conditioned (sweet Jesus, the wedding on Sat. nite is "in the garden." Sweat much?).

Ideally I'd wear a sundress-type thing, but I don't have any that fit and my legs are fugly so I don't love dresses. I went shopping today. (If you live near a Lord & Taylor, they're having a 25 percent off sale right now and it's awesome.)

**Please disregard the bad hair, no makeup and lack of foundation garments.**

The pink one is the most comfortable:

Once I saw the photo, it's not as cute as it was in the dressing room, although I like the rosette neckline:

This blue shirt caught my eye, and I feel like it's all fancy because it's Calvin Klein. But it's kind of strangely shaped, at least on me. It also cuts me off at my widest point.

Lest you think I look thinner in that photo, it's just because I cut my feet off, which made my freakishly short legs look longer. See?

Here's an Eileen Fisher number. I love the shape, although gray generally makes me look like a corpse. But I adore the way the sweater minimizes my ass shelf. It could end up being way too hot, though.

Finally, there is a boring and slightly too big sailor-ish type shirt. It's navy, not black.


So what do you think? Which one should I wear?

Note to Gilly: No worries about this week's weigh-in. Between the rehearsal dinner and wedding dinner and flying home Sunday, there's zero chance I'll have a loss this week. So you can call off the hitman. But I'm coming back BIG (small, really) next week.

Swelling... Please Let It Be Swelling

Scale was up this morning, 3.5 pounds since Sunday. Also, I'm starving this morning. WTF?

Sadly, I think the olives may be the culprit. Couldn't get my engagement ring on yesterday; couldn't get wedding or engagement on today.

This is totally because of water retention, right? PLEASE SAY YES.

Pouting

So tomorrow marks three weeks since my fill, the one that put me over the top and severely limited what I could eat. I have generally been excellent about this - not a single lick of ice cream or milkshakes or other potentially damaging band foods. I've stuck to the good stuff. Except for the Key Lime pie in Florida.

This evening I went back to my little spreadsheet to see how much weight I've lost since that momentous fill: Six and a half pounds. In three weeks. Now, I know the whole 'two pounds a week is really awesome' argument, and I know we're not in this to lose weight fast. But frankly I've kind of felt like I'm sacrificing a little over these three weeks, and the least that could happen is some serious weight loss.

Things are loosening up a little, though. I had two poached eggs for dinner and a couple pieces of very crispy bacon.

Big NSV: Two different people commented on my weight loss today. Someone mentioned they started getting comments after losing 40 pounds, and sure enough that's when people seem to be noticing on me.

Small NSV: I bought new running shoes today, my first pair of real running shoes in ages. The guy who fitted me was so awesome I could have kissed him - he made me jog on the treadmill and videotaped my feet to check my stride, studied my arches and checked the width. I've never had such a thorough fitting for a shoe. The sales guy, a total hipster who commutes from Brooklyn, could not have been nicer. LOVE HIM.

TOM... (.) ...

You pickin' up what I'm puttin down in the headline? Sure you are.

It's been hard for me to have a realistic sense of how hunger and eating change through my cycle because I'm only on month 4 with the band. Up to now it's really been mostly that I've noticed my fingers swell and stay swollen for a while.

This may be too much info, and if so then you should stop reading here. But I find it interesting from a biological and scientific point of view, so I'm gonna go ahead and say it.

I ovulated yesterday, or maybe the day before (after many cycles of charting and ovulation tests in my baby-making days, I have a pretty good sense of when I ovulate). And I swear, my hunger kicked up almost immediately. Yesterday and today I've been much more into snacking. Not horrible stuff, a few olives here, a Babybel light cheese there, that kind of thing. But I had just been marveling at how uninterested in food I was most of the time. Until ovulation.

I guess those doctors who say hormones control the speed at which your esophagus pushes food into your stomach may actually know what they're talking about, right? So I'm hunkering down and trying to eat healthy stuff.

Also, I've been losing a lot of hair in the shower lately. Fun, fun, fun!

Olives, Olives, Olives

I've never liked olives much. I didn't despise them, but mostly I could leave 'em on a plate without any problem.

Lately, I am *obsessed* with kalamata (calamata?) olives. I'm all about the briny, but I think part of it is that olives are a "normal" food that's easy to snack on and that I can actually swallow without any band problems. Those kinds of foods are few and far between for me these days.

My dinner from Saturday night:

That's brie with fig spread and olives. Oh, and a sip or two of pinot noir.

(I cannot tell a lie: I went back for more cheese, so this wasn't my entire dinner.)

Also, last night I made the best scallop recipe ever. I love, love, love the Barefoot Contessa, her recipes aren't super simple but they turn out perfectly every single time I make them. Last night I made scallops provencal; soooooo good. A little heavy on the butter maybe but for a once-in-a-while meal they're awesome.

That's all I got for now.

PS Is my blog depressing? You guys all have these cheery, bright blog designs and mine is black black black. I'd like to think it's because I'm so sophisticated but I think we all know it's really because I'm lazy. Should I redesign for spring? Please weigh in (heh).

BOOBS in Chicago

I'm coming to Chicago!! (In the unlikely event that you haven't yet heard, all lapbanders fun people are invited to the awesome get-together planned by our bloggy cohorts. Details here.)

When I first heard about the trip, I thought, "AWESOME! How cool is this going to be!"

And then I thought about it more and I started to get nervous. Bonnie posted about this as well. What if we all show up and it's awkward (seems unlikely if Draz, Jenny, Amy W and Joey are going, but still...)? What if I snore and keep my roommate up all night and she hates me?

But the more I think about it, the more I think HELL YEAH we're gonna have fun. If the Hubs reports that I'm still snoring a few weeks or a month from now, I'll get my own room.

I've only been to Chicago a few times -- once in 8th grade to visit a friend I met at Space Camp (!), once for a wedding in the 'burbs and a few years ago for a funeral.

I love the 5K idea, and with five months' notice I think I could pull it off.

What time do we think people will be arriving on Friday and leaving Sunday? Just wondering as a general guide when looking for flights.

xoxo

Don't Eat That!

Happy Sunday to all of you!

This recent fill seems to have brought me whole-hog into the reality of life with a band. Before I was careful about chewing but never really had to pay the piper if I went a little too fast or took bites that were a little too big. No longer. I have to be vigilant, or I feel miserable. This is all contributing to good weight loss, but sometimes it kind of sucks.

Last night I tried a reallllly small bite of hamburger, no bun. Did not go down very well. I didn't have a full PB, but it got stuck and hurt. It's clear to me that hamburgers are off my OK-to-eat list.

I'm also finding that I get *really* hungry all of a sudden. It sneaks up on me, probably because I'm not spending so much time thinking about food. But then I realize I'm STARVING and it's really difficult to eat slowly and take small bites when I'm ravenous. So that's a change I'm still getting used to.

The list of what I can eat comfortably is getting smaller. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday to find I could eat some sliced bell pepper and cucumbers, which I've been too nervous to try these last couple of weeks. The meat, though - looks like I'll be shelving that for a while. Bring on the fish!

Tonight, I'm making halibut with an avocado-yogurt sauce. (It's adapted from a Rachael Ray recipe for fish tacos. I don't make them into tacos, just serve the fish with sauce. I use Greek yogurt, so it's a good high-protein meal.)

Happy news: The scale reports another pound down, thanks to peeing out all the retained fluid from yesterday's flight. That brings me to 224, which was a mini-goal for me. I now weigh less than I did the summer I finished three triathlons. On to the next mini-goal. Two sixteen, I'm gunning for you!

I Left a Little Bit of Myself in Florida

First things first: I LOST WEIGHT ON VACATION. At least 2 1/2 pounds from last Saturday's weight, and I'm hoping it's a little more because I think I'm retaining water from flying today.

Second, I deserved to lose weight on vacation. I ate really well -- fish almost every night, very little snacking, some swimming and walking, careful to make good choices. I got really, really stuck once in the morning but otherwise had no big problems other than when I inhaled a sip of wine rather than swallowing it. This was at a restaurant, and my mom almost died because she thought I was going to throw up my dinner. I was coughing and choking and laughing, trying to tell her it just went down the wrong pipe and nothing was coming back up.

Third, I did not diet. My portions were small out of necessity; I had to stop or I would have gotten sick. I had a small(ish) slice of Key Lime pie five of the nights we were there and a glass of wine almost every night with dinner. Still lost weight.

Fourth, papaya enzymes are incredibly helpful in breaking up food that is taking its time going down. I had a couple of very minor episodes when I took a bite too quickly or didn't quite chew enough, and felt better within a couple minutes of taking the chewable minty-fresh papaya pills. I was skeptical when I first heard about them, but I'm a believer now.

I have more to write about but I'm short on time now. I have a lot of blogs to catch up on so I'll try to do that over the next few days and see how everyone is doing. xoxo

Hi from Florida!

Hi there, just wanted to pop in with a quick update. I think I may be just a hair past my sweet spot. I'm very limited in my eating, quantity-wise. I have a few bites, maybe five or six, and I can't eat any more. It's kind of frustrating sometimes, because I still *want* to eat more. But that's the whole point of the band, right?

I'm not really hungry, I'm not spending too much time thinking about food. I had one stuck/PB episode this morning but otherwise the eating is going really well. Even with the Key Lime pie I've been enjoying. I don't have a scale here, but I'd be surprised if I gain anything this week.

I hope you're all well - I'll catch up on your blogs next week when we're back home. xoxo

Well, the scale settled in a little lower today, although still not at my low from last Sunday. So unless there is some kind of miracle between now and tomorrow, I will show a gain for the Swimsuit Challenge this week. Bummer.

I shipped our suitcases to Florida last week because I knew it'd be too much to juggle the luggage along with the kids at the airports. It wasn't easy to find warm-weather stuff for me to wear. I have a LOT of clothes for about 20 pounds from now. I won't need to buy a thing if I can lose that fairly quickly, I'll be set for the summer. In the meantime, I have one pair of capris (and I HATE capris because I'm short and they make me look even shorter) and a bunch of shirts. So there's another good reason to get this weight loss going.

I'm planning to do lots of good walks with my mom while we're down there. She often walks three miles a day, and I'm looking forward to putting the baby in the stroller and walking to Starbucks and back with her. That should get me into better shape, which will give me a little more confidence to start formal workouts again.

As for the band, it has loosened up. Still tighter than I'd like, but tolerable now. I can eat solids, just v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y.

Thanks for the comments about my son. The pediatrician gave me a couple names to call and I'll see how that goes.

Whootenanny Business, and Tough Day

After all the whootenanny talk, with the powders and the Barbies and the traumatized four-year-olds, I decided to go professional. Got a bikini wax today. Couple things:

1. It didn't hurt. Not like you hear, anyway.
2. It was more thorough than any gyno exam I've had, and I *didn't* get a Brazilian. I can't even fathom how that would work.
3. I am virtually certain I'm the fattest person this woman has ever waxed, but bless her she was lovely the entire time. And I tipped her well for her trouble.

It's been kind of a shit day. I'm three pounds above my Sunday low. I'm on the verge of tears. I was starving all morning, didn't make very good choices. Got a call from my son's teacher than he's lying, but almost exclusively about food -- trying to buy lunch after he eats what we've packed him, trying to finagle a second snack from her after he eats the one from home, etc. I don't even know where to begin. I called the pediatrician to ask for help.

We leave on Sunday to visit my parents in Florida, just me and the kids. The Hubs has to stay home and work for a living.

I've flown a lot with the boys - they're pro travelers - but never with all three of them before. I'm girding my (newly waxed) loins for shlepping three kids, a car seat, stroller, bottles, snacks, sandwiches and various carry-on items through security, on and off the plane and through two airports. Pray for me. I need it.

Still Too Tight? Not Sure

Things seem to have loosened up a bit, but I'm still feeling more constricted than I'd like to be. Example: This morning I had a protein shake (haven't done these since post-surgery days but I want to be sure I'm getting protein in). By 12.30 I was STARVING so got some chili from Wendy's. Had a couple bites, it wasn't going down terribly smoothly. I would have had to slow down A LOT. Like, five minutes between bites. And I was realllllly hungry.

So I blended it to make it go down easier so I could stop feeling so hungry. Is that bad? Does it mean I'm eating around the band? I finished it and I'm not hungry now, feeling pretty satisfied.

I do find that I'm still feeling unsatisfied a lot of the time. I've looked at that yellow/green/red zone chart two or three times. Sigh. I go away this weekend for a week with the kids to Florida, if I'm not feeling a lot better by the time I come back, I'm having some fluid taken out.

Gen - As You Requested!

Hi Gen!

I'm only three months out, and my weight loss has been erratic, to say the least. But here's a recap of my losses:

Pre-op (from first surgeon visit October 2009): -13 pounds.
Surgery: 1.4.10
January: -16.5 pounds.
February: - 1.5 pounds.
March: - 4.5 pounds.
April: - 5 pounds (so far).

I'm on the slower end of losing, for sure. Thanks for asking, I'll be interested to see what everyone else has to say.

Jon Gosselin, Tiki Barber... Who's Next?

WHAT IS IT WITH THESE GUYS? First of all, Jon Gosselin has to be the biggest idiot EVER. I know, his ex is no prize either, but seriously...

And now the NY Post is reporting that Tiki Barber has left his wife and two sons for a 23-year-old blonde NBC intern. Oh, and his wife (they met in college and have been together for 16 years) is eight months pregnant. With twins.

Plus, Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy broke up, which is a shame.

Rough couple days in celebrity world.

At least Prince WIlliam is gonna make an honest woman out of Kate Middleton. Someday.

This concludes our celebrity gossip roundup.

PS I've gained two pounds since my Sunday low. This week isn't looking good for me in the Swimsuit Challenge.

The Good Stuff

1. SOMEONE NOTICED! One of my son's nursery school teachers looked at me and said, "You're looking great!" I could have kissed her.

2. I bought a new summer purse to celebrate my 40-pounds-lost mark. Not a great photo, but here it is:

3. I got my nails done last week and noticed that my legs don't look as much like tree trunks anymore. There's a slight taper toward the knee. It's a subtle difference, but I'm claiming it.

Verrrry Cautious

I'm feeling a better today, and treating my band like a fragile little flower. Protein shake this morning, hummus for lunch, you get the idea.

I decided to hold off on calling the surgeon. For one thing, I was up two pounds today from my Sunday low weight. DRAT that cheesecake that goes down fine with a tight band. Also, JennyR at Life's Little Journey mentioned that her band is tighter during her period, and I'm on day 3 so I will be able to see in a couple days if things loosen up. Jennifer at Jen's Lap Band Journey said she went through a similar thing in March and her doctor didn't want to remove any fluid either, and then her band loosened up a bit after she lost some el-bees.

And I do think some of my freaking out might be related to the idea that I really need to eat much. more. slowly. now.

Meanwhile, Amy over at Babbles of a Bandster wrote something that gave me a Eureka! moment. I've been angsting that while I am physically full, I am still looking, looking and thinking about food. She said, "I feel physically full when I eat, but I have no relief from hunger." YES! THAT'S IT! I'm not the only one!

The even better part is, Amy's PA said that's not so unusual. Once again, the blogs save me from feeling like I am going down in flames. Fat flames.

So for now I eat liquids and a few mushies, take it easy for a few days and see how things go. I'm logging my food intake on LoseIt! to keep track of calories. If I have more PBs or throwing up, I'll call the surgeon. Thanks for the love, ladies. It's much appreciated.

Excuse Me While I Vomit

OK, who was it who said PBing isn't really like throwing up? WHO? C'mon, stand up and be a man and tell the truth.

You lied! For shame.

Because let me tell you, my first real soup-to-nuts PB was **exactly** like throwing up. It was horrible. My husband yelled into the bathroom that he would hold my hair if I wanted (though I suspect he only offered because he knew my hair was already in a ponytail).

I've had a couple of faux PB's, once on a large antibiotic pill and once on pretzels I ate too quickly. Neither time did anything actually come up.

Today, however, the two very small crackers smeared with cream cheese and topped with the most delicate nova lox came back up. And it was ugly. (Closer inspection - in the toilet bowl - showed that I did indeed chew everything quite thoroughly.)

I had some chili for lunch today, chewed it well and it went down OK. Also had a turkey-and-cheese rollup, which when chewed into oblivion, did OK. I had a test cracker, just the cracker, chewed it well and it was OK. But then I tried the cracker-cream cheese-nova combo for dinner, and it was an unmitigated disaster.

Sigh.

I'm thinking I'll call the doc tomorrow and see if he'll take out some of this fill. I'm nervous that a) he'll refuse outright and then I'll have to find another doctor because I just can't handle jackasses; b) he'll insist on taking out the whole fill, all 5.75 cc's to let me rest and then I'll gain a ton of weight; or c) he'll take some out and then I'll be starving again.

I don't know what to do.

I've had a sore throat all day, at the very bottom of my throat, probably from acid. Not heartburn exactly, but I don't think it's a regular sore throat, it feels further back.

Ugh. Not my best day.

Holier Than Thou Doctor

Thanks to all of you who took time over the Easter holiday to reply to my weekend posts. I'm kind of confused about what's happened with this latest fill. I think it might be loosening up a bit and maybe I'm chafing at the "new" restrictions on my eating. For example, yesterday I had a protein shake and 1/2 cup of black bean soup blended. Then, when we had guests here for Easter, I ate the creamy part of some deviled eggs and had a slice of provolone cheese. Umm, and some cheesecake that our cousins brought. That, unfortunately, went down just fine.

In fact, I was craving sweets alllll day yesterday and started getting worried that because I'm so tight I was going for the easiest stuff to eat. But last night I got my period so I think maybe the sweets were the result of an unfortunate confluence of Easter candy and cakes with hormonal cravings. At least, I really hope so.

This morning I woke up hungry. I tried the tiniest bites of cottage cheese (1/3 of a baby spoon - seriously tiny) and it just didn't go down comfortably. But for some reason when I decided to try a Zone bar, as long as I took tiny bites and chewed really well it went down OK.

Which makes me think maybe this is loosening up a bit and maybe all the rules I've been hearing about that I haven't had to follow religiously so far -- small bites, waiting between bites, stopping at the first feeling of fullness -- are really kicking in now.

So I'm going to give it another couple of days, trying to adapt to the rules. The difference from 5.5 cc's to 5.75 cc's required a bigger change in my eating habits than 0-4 cc's or 4-5.5 cc's. Strange.

The down side is, I'm so anxious about what I can or can't eat, that I'm definitely not enjoying the not-thinking-about-food-at-all benefit I keep hearing about from everyone.

About my doctor: Yeah, he acted like a dick on this one. He also was kind of a jerk at my appointment when he asked what I was eating and I answered truthfully that I was able to eat most anything and was doing pretty well (lost 8 lbs in a month) but could still eat a slice of pizza. He nodded and then said, "Well, why did you eat pizza? Why would you have that?" I immediately felt awkward and embarrassed and stumbled over some explanation. But later I thought, what the fuck? Does this mean he doesn't think I should have pizza ever again? Does HE never have pizza?

That, together with the "Well, I'm not going to open you up just so you can eat," comment (I didn't ask him to "open me up," I called to ask what he thought I should do since I could only have liquids at that time), just irritates the hell out of me. I didn't get this surgery to drink my meals from now on. I plan to talk to him about all of this when I see him next. His attitude is condescending.

Vanessa, I actually did think about going to see Ren/Fielding/Kurian if I need to. I'm going to hold off right now because it would be such a production for me to get there, it would take up most of a day between driving in and out, parking and enduring the wait times I hear about in their office. But I may do it if he keeps up this nonsense.

Three Months, and FORTY!

Three months after surgery, things are finally picking up on the weight-loss front. Here's how it has gone for me: Lost 13 pounds between October and surgery day, lost a bunch of weight right away following surgery and then BAM hit a wall. February was a dark month for me. Not enough restriction and not enough discipline = virtually no weight loss.

After my second fill on Feb. 25 I started losing weight again, and lost eight pounds between then and my fill on March 31st. My current fill, which is a little too tight, has put my weight loss on hyper drive. I've lost eight pounds in the last week, which is a little consolation for the fact that I can't really get solids down right now.

Total lost from presurgical consult: 40.5 pounds.
Total lost from surgery day: 27.5 pounds.

Other observations:

It really, truly is not easy. I've been on easier diets. This requires a lot of research, time, effort and thought on my part.

I owe many thanks to my fellow bloggers, who have provided so much wisdom, sympathy, guidance and humor on this life-changing journey. Finding all of you, and discovering the world of blogging, is something I never considered when I was looking into this surgery.

Resolutions:

Keep blogging.

Start exercising.

After I hit 199, start running again. I've been so afraid to screw up my 37-year-old knees and feet (still working on my foot injury) that I haven't wanted to get running again. But I've downloaded C25K and I am ready to go once I hit 199.

Happy Easter, my friends.

Too Tight? Too Bad, Sucka

That's essentially what my surgeon told me when I called this morning to ask for his opinion. He wasn't quite so harsh about it, but I wouldn't say he was overly sympathetic. I told him I could only have liquids right now, that the ricotta cheese/spaghetti sauce concoction went down quite grudgingly last night.

"That's not entirely a bad thing," he said. "I'm not going to open you back up so you can eat. I'm seeing you in, what, three weeks? It'll loosen up. As long as you're not dehydrated and not totally miserable just stick with the liquids."

At first I was pretty pissed about this. I mean, the whole point of the band is that you can eat, just less than before. But the more I thought about it, the more I figured, why not just go with it for a few more weeks? I'm not having reflux, I'm not throwing up, I am just really restricted. I won't stay like this forever because the band always loosens up as you lose weight. And oh boy am I losing weight.

I've lost six pounds since last Sunday. Some of that has to be fluid, but still... there are worse things. I'm going to a friend's wedding in a few weeks, and some bonus pounds lost would be great.

So for now at least, I'm going with it. I had 2 oz of yogurt for breakfast and a cup of blended black bean soup with a dollop of sour cream for lunch. Lots of protein. I'll do my mashed up avocado later to get at least a little veggie in there.

We'll see how it goes.

Post-Fill Update

OK, this is getting irritating. I was starving this morning but didn't make a shake, so the first thing I had to eat today was a mashed-up avocado at 11.30 am. It went down OK (it was realllly mashed, not thick at all) and then I had a little hummus. Ran out to do some errands and now I just sat down with some refried beans and I can feel the two bites I've taken just sitting there.

I really hope things settle in a little more because I would like to go back to eating regular food again. If it's still a problem I'll call the surgeon on Monday but I'd love to loosen up a bit without losing any fill. We'll see...

On the plus side, I'm down another half pound this morning.

LOVED all your indiscretion comments on the previous post. You guys are funny, and sometimes it's nice to know I'm not the only one who isn't always on the straight and narrow in this process.

Sunday marks three months since my surgery, so I'll recap for those thinking of doing this. It hasn't gone exactly as I expected and hoped, but it is going.

Spill the Beans - Your Worst Indiscretions Lately?

OK, so I'm happy my weight loss has kicked back into gear after a lonnnggg (one-month) period of going nowhere. I'm currently on liquids and terrified of messing up because I "cheated" with some cottage cheese last night and had a bad stuck episode. That's bullshit, by the way, getting stuck on cottage cheese. I was so pissed.

Yesterday morning, when I knew I was going for a fill, I HOUSED two soft-boiled eggs and a slice of rye toast. I rarely, almost never, eat toast anymore so that was a real departure for me.

Then I got in the car, opened the garage door, got out of the car, ran back into the house and grabbed the last Cadbury Creme Egg I've had stashed. And I ate it on the way to my fill. Oh yes I did.

Not unlike alcoholics who show up at rehab with a half-empty bottle of vodka in the car.

Just for fun, what are your worst indiscretions lately? Keeping in mind, of course, that our worst indiscretions these days are a far cry from pre-band foodfests.

Help! What's Going On?

I got a small fill yesterday, bringing me to 5.75 ccs in my 10 cc band. I had a bad stuck episode last night on a little cottage cheese - my worst stuck incident since surgery. I really need to get some papaya enzymes to keep on hand.

Anyway, after the cottage cheese finally went through I wasn't able (and didn't want to) finish my soup or wine, so I just went to bed.

This morning, I'm sipping a protein shake and it's sitting there, taking a long time to go through. Feels a little swollen.

Am I too tight? Do I just need to chill out and let this fill settle in? I need some advice from experienced banders.

**UPDATE** I weighed in at 229 this morning, a new low and a new decade. Yay! However, I'm starving so I'll see how another shake goes down.